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Post by erfan228 on Sept 27, 2006 8:00:07 GMT 10
Great updates! It's soo sad! LOL I laughed so much when Luka said he wanted to name the baby Mongo! Update soon.
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Post by strizzy on Sept 27, 2006 8:15:34 GMT 10
This is so sad, but I think that it is a good start! Can't wait to read more
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Post by <3 LubyII <3 on Sept 27, 2006 9:19:28 GMT 10
Great update!!! Update again soon!
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Natalie
Marquise of Luby
Avatar by Me!
Posts: 262
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Post by Natalie on Sept 27, 2006 12:49:52 GMT 10
I know this is short, but what can I say? Whatever happens, happens.
They say dwelling on the past isn’t healthy. I think they’re right, but I don’t care. I am a fixture in the NICU now. Day in, day out, I am there. It’s been two weeks, and I am afraid to touch my baby. They covered his eyes at first, to protect them from the lights, and when I reached out to touch him, the contact scared him and he began to cry. I made my baby cry. What kind of mother am I? Luka is lucky. He went back to work after only three days. He comes in after his shift ends and sits with me, but that’s all we do. Sit. It’s been two weeks and I’ve held my baby once. They keep offering to let me hold him, but I just say no. They must think I’m a bad mother. I don’t want to hold my own baby. It’s not that I don’t want to. I do want to, really I do. I just can’t. I couldn’t protect my baby while he was still inside me, sheltered from everything, where nothing could get him. What am I supposed to do now that he is out here in the real world, where everything is working against him? I stare at the monitors constantly. I know what my baby’s normal pulse-ox is, I know everything about him, yet I know nothing. My baby is still such an alien creature, a miniature form of Luka and I, encased in a plastic world. I don’t know what to do with him. I don’t know what to do with myself. If I can’t handle myself after 37 years, how can I let my baby depend on me?
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Post by <3 LubyII <3 on Sept 27, 2006 13:01:06 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by strizzy on Sept 27, 2006 22:38:10 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by steffi1986 on Sept 28, 2006 2:55:42 GMT 10
awww sooo sad but really great please update soon
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Post by erfan228 on Sept 28, 2006 5:56:18 GMT 10
Great update!
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Natalie
Marquise of Luby
Avatar by Me!
Posts: 262
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Post by Natalie on Sept 28, 2006 8:30:36 GMT 10
Okay, just to clear things up, Luka's letter to Abby is in italics.
I was late getting to the NICU today, but I found a note from Luka taped to my baby’s incubator. Darling Abby, They say that the worst of times can bring out the best or worst of people. I think everything that has happened brought out my worst. I’m sorry for distancing myself. Just the thought of losing you or our son was more than I could handle. Potrebna mi je pomoæ, Abby. I need help. I need to know what I have to do to make this work again. I still love you, Abby. I always have and I always will. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we can get past it. Check the envelope that you’ve probably just sat on for something else. My father gave it to my mother, and gave it to me to “give to the right girl” right before I left Croatia. With all my heart, Luka I stand up and see a black velvet box on the seat. Fearing its contents, I open it and am relieved, albeit confused, to see a slightly tarnished silver locket. I notice something engraved on the back. “Volim te, uvijek -JK” it reads. I drop the box back on my chair and fumble with the clasp, trying too quickly to fasten the locket around my neck. I finally succeed and realize what I have to do. “I’d like to hold my baby,” I say to the nearest NICU staffer. She nods and hands me the gown from under my baby’s incubator. I don it while she removes my baby from his plastic prison, and then she hands him to me. I wince, preparing myself for my baby’s screams, but they don’t come. My baby seems almost complacent in my arms. Looking down at my baby, I realize that this is what I have wanted all along. No longer is my baby an alien creature, he has an identity. He is Joseph Kovac, my baby, my son.
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Post by ERFanRach on Sept 28, 2006 9:06:13 GMT 10
Great update
Please update soon
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Post by <3 LubyII <3 on Sept 28, 2006 10:05:17 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by jadestar on Sept 29, 2006 2:14:07 GMT 10
OMG this is so emotional and so real and I love it! you have a great writing style - I nearly cry everytime I read your updates
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Post by erfan228 on Sept 29, 2006 5:10:11 GMT 10
I think I'm gonna cry! Please update soon!
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Post by steffi1986 on Sept 29, 2006 5:23:20 GMT 10
wow, just wow... please update soon
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Post by strizzy on Sept 29, 2006 6:13:29 GMT 10
Wow, love this,
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