Post by larue on Aug 9, 2006 13:48:37 GMT 10
Damn. I watched Kerry stride off. Could this day get any worse? It had started out fine. More than fine actually. The nursery was painted and the crib almost finished. It had taken me all night but thinking about Gallant and Clemente had kept me from sleeping. Abby had padded into the room from the bedroom across the hall looking so sleepily sweet this morning.
“Bob Vila, watch out,” she’d said as she looked at the mess of crib frame and wood slats, tools and screws.
“It’s not finished yet.” I was frustrated with it all. We sat together on the couch and looked it all over. The blue tape outlining the yellow painted wall sections....boxes of furniture waiting to be opened and assembled.
“I went with the yellow, “ I said. “Because we don’t know if it’s blue or pink.” I’d leaned over her belly with a smile. “What’s it going to be....blue or pink, huh?” I kissed the warm flannel pajamas that covered her belly and smiled as I felt our child moving. She swung the stuffed panda from the couch by one hand and studied it.
“Is it me or are pandas kind of creepy?”
“They’re terrifying.....” I said as I pressed my ear to her belly. “Hey, steady....” I sighed and then admonished our child with a smile in Croatian. Abby had sighed heavily.
“Listen...” she’d said. “I know we don’t say it because, I guess, that’s just the way we are, but I hope you know how much I love....this. All of this.” I was still, listening to her, but a smile began to tease my lips. It was taking a lot for her to say this. I could feel her heart beating fast. I couldn’t believe where she was taking this.
“But since we are on the cusp of this hugely life altering event...” she went on, “ and we haven’t been as specific as we could about us, our relationship.....” Okay. That was my opening.
“You’re right...” and I’d said it quickly. “Let’s get married.” I knew I’d caught her off guard. She was silent. I waited for a moment and then looked up at her. She was smiling, but not exactly in the way I’d wanted her to be.
I was so disappointed. Coupled with the fact that I had gotten no sleep, working together was not as easy as it usually was.
“‘Cold shoulder, huh?” she said as she followed me into the hall after I’d signed off on her patient.
“Not exactly the answer I was hoping to hear.”
“Not exactly the best proposal I’ve ever heard.”
“How many have you heard?” Wow. That was hurtful and it hit the mark. I could see it in her face before she turned to walk away. I reached for her shoulder.
“Hey...hey...hey...okay...so you don’t know exactly what you want this to be.....how committed.....”
“No, I just don’t want to get married for the sake of getting married. I tried that once.” Damn Richard.
“Don’t we love each other?”
“It’s not about that. Of course we do.” Aha...she’d finally said it....almost.
“Don’t you think we should stay together forever...”
“I don’t know if anyone should....or can.” Double damn Richard.
“Paging Dr. Lockhart....” Morris’s voice traveled down the hall to us.
“I just....let me get through one humungus life change at a time, okay?” That pout of her’s. It could be so endearing and so very frustrating.
“Luka,” Kerry called from the other direction. “Do you have a minute?” I looked at Abby.
“Sometimes,” I said. “‘It’s easier if you lump them all together.”
I walked away with Kerry but my mind wasn’t on anything she was saying....Emergency Med Exec meeting....risk management... litigation... Clemente situation.....and then it hit me.
“I should have fired him sooner?”
“The warning signs were there and you had the authority.” We both stepped back as a supply cart was pushed between us. What the hell was she saying?
“Am I going to lose my job over this?”
“All I am saying is that if I weren’t Chief of Staff, I’m not sure you would be Department Head so let’s just get through this, okay?” And then she’d walked away. Clemente had been a thorn in my side since taking the Department Head job and she knew it. I’d done everything short of firing him because I knew she wouldn’t support that decision. Damn. She was setting me up to take the fall for him. The morning was getting worse and worse. People were coming and going. The triage area was full. We were all kept on a run. It was all I could do to keep on top of things. And there was even an incredibly incompetent EMT trainee that kept getting underfoot.
I picked up the clipboard and scanned the notations. Unbelievable.
“These vitals are all wrong,” I sighed angrily. “Where’s Sam?”
“Uh....she would be with prisoner number one,” Ray said. I looked at him in confusion. The look on Ray’s face told me everything I needed to know. He explained about two prisoners being brought in. Prisoner?
“Steve is here?” Ray shrugged and indicated the end of the hall where the trauma rooms were. I strode down the hall and glanced into the first trauma room. It was empty. That was wrong. Two prisoners had been brought it. That should have meant two trauma rooms. The blinds were closed on the window of the suture room next door. I tried the knob. It was locked. I knocked on the door.
“Hey, open up.” The blind was pulled aside by the EMT trainee I’d dealt with earlier.
“Just a second,” she said and let the blinds fall again.
“Come on...” I muttered as I waited. And then the lock was turned and the door opened.
“Hi,” I said. “What’s going on?” I took a quick look around the room and found myself staring straight into the barrel of a gun. Sam stood off to one side and her expression was one of anger and fright. She was shaking her head. Steve stood just behind the door and was glaring at me. The EMT...... Mary....was it?.....shut the door and locked it again.
“Sit down,” the guy with the gun ordered. “Tape him up, babe.” I grabbed Steve and swung him in front of me as Sam shouted and leapt at the guy with the gun. Suddenly I felt a needle stick in the back of my neck. I was losing strength and Steve punched me in the stomach with his elbow. He turned and hit me across the face with a gun and I felt myself slipping to the floor. The last thing I saw was his shoe heading toward my face.
There was an explosion inside my head. At first I could only see red and then blue sparks and then there was fog. Swirling, thick, misty fog. I tried to move but couldn’t. I couldn’t even open my eyes. Oh lord....I couldn’t breathe either. Nothing was working. I could hear though. I heard Sam. I heard voices arguing and felt my head tilted back and my mouth forced open as someone....Sam?.....tried to ease the blades of a laryngoscope into my throat. It was pulled out again and I could hear the desperation in her voice as she argued with Steve.
“Put your hand...put your hand on his Adam’s apple...like that,” she said. My mouth was opened again and I could feel pressure on my throat. The tube slid in and suddenly I was moving air again.
“Okay...okay....” she said “Squeeze that bag like that, okay? Squeeze it like that.”
“‘I swear to god, right now.....right now!” I forced my eyes open and I was seeing Sam with a gun pointing at her head.
“He still needs help breathing!” she shouted.
“Too bad for him,” someone said. It wasn’t Steve. The lights were switched off and the room became quiet. I was alone.
I tried to sit up but my hands were taped to the sides of the gurney. Nothing short of a knife or scissors would get them free. The tube in my throat was hindering my ability to raise my head to look around. I rocked my body from side to side trying to move the gurney. It slipped closer and closer to the shelves along the wall. I used my feet to push, praying that the gurney would come closer to the windows to the door of the lighted trauma room next door. Then I heard it. Gun shots. Volley after volley after volley. Oh God....Abby was out there!
I rocked again but the gurney didn’t move. I pulled and tugged at the tape on my hands. I could hear silence and then people shouting. I looked up and the gurney from the next room was pulled out. I could see some activity and then nothing. I rocked and rocked and pulled.....and then I saw her in the window. Abby. I was relieved. She was okay. And then she folded over and I lost sight of her again. She stood up and shook her head a bit. I saw her look at her hand and then my heart stopped as she pressed her hand to the glass of the window for support. Her hand was covered in blood.....thick, black blood. And then she slipped from my sight as she fell to the floor. I pulled and tugged and rocked some more. Stronger and more insistent....fighting against the tape that held me prisoner. Inside my head I was screaming for help.
Someone...anyone...come! Oh God....it was all happening again. Helpless....and I was losing my family once more.
“Bob Vila, watch out,” she’d said as she looked at the mess of crib frame and wood slats, tools and screws.
“It’s not finished yet.” I was frustrated with it all. We sat together on the couch and looked it all over. The blue tape outlining the yellow painted wall sections....boxes of furniture waiting to be opened and assembled.
“I went with the yellow, “ I said. “Because we don’t know if it’s blue or pink.” I’d leaned over her belly with a smile. “What’s it going to be....blue or pink, huh?” I kissed the warm flannel pajamas that covered her belly and smiled as I felt our child moving. She swung the stuffed panda from the couch by one hand and studied it.
“Is it me or are pandas kind of creepy?”
“They’re terrifying.....” I said as I pressed my ear to her belly. “Hey, steady....” I sighed and then admonished our child with a smile in Croatian. Abby had sighed heavily.
“Listen...” she’d said. “I know we don’t say it because, I guess, that’s just the way we are, but I hope you know how much I love....this. All of this.” I was still, listening to her, but a smile began to tease my lips. It was taking a lot for her to say this. I could feel her heart beating fast. I couldn’t believe where she was taking this.
“But since we are on the cusp of this hugely life altering event...” she went on, “ and we haven’t been as specific as we could about us, our relationship.....” Okay. That was my opening.
“You’re right...” and I’d said it quickly. “Let’s get married.” I knew I’d caught her off guard. She was silent. I waited for a moment and then looked up at her. She was smiling, but not exactly in the way I’d wanted her to be.
I was so disappointed. Coupled with the fact that I had gotten no sleep, working together was not as easy as it usually was.
“‘Cold shoulder, huh?” she said as she followed me into the hall after I’d signed off on her patient.
“Not exactly the answer I was hoping to hear.”
“Not exactly the best proposal I’ve ever heard.”
“How many have you heard?” Wow. That was hurtful and it hit the mark. I could see it in her face before she turned to walk away. I reached for her shoulder.
“Hey...hey...hey...okay...so you don’t know exactly what you want this to be.....how committed.....”
“No, I just don’t want to get married for the sake of getting married. I tried that once.” Damn Richard.
“Don’t we love each other?”
“It’s not about that. Of course we do.” Aha...she’d finally said it....almost.
“Don’t you think we should stay together forever...”
“I don’t know if anyone should....or can.” Double damn Richard.
“Paging Dr. Lockhart....” Morris’s voice traveled down the hall to us.
“I just....let me get through one humungus life change at a time, okay?” That pout of her’s. It could be so endearing and so very frustrating.
“Luka,” Kerry called from the other direction. “Do you have a minute?” I looked at Abby.
“Sometimes,” I said. “‘It’s easier if you lump them all together.”
I walked away with Kerry but my mind wasn’t on anything she was saying....Emergency Med Exec meeting....risk management... litigation... Clemente situation.....and then it hit me.
“I should have fired him sooner?”
“The warning signs were there and you had the authority.” We both stepped back as a supply cart was pushed between us. What the hell was she saying?
“Am I going to lose my job over this?”
“All I am saying is that if I weren’t Chief of Staff, I’m not sure you would be Department Head so let’s just get through this, okay?” And then she’d walked away. Clemente had been a thorn in my side since taking the Department Head job and she knew it. I’d done everything short of firing him because I knew she wouldn’t support that decision. Damn. She was setting me up to take the fall for him. The morning was getting worse and worse. People were coming and going. The triage area was full. We were all kept on a run. It was all I could do to keep on top of things. And there was even an incredibly incompetent EMT trainee that kept getting underfoot.
I picked up the clipboard and scanned the notations. Unbelievable.
“These vitals are all wrong,” I sighed angrily. “Where’s Sam?”
“Uh....she would be with prisoner number one,” Ray said. I looked at him in confusion. The look on Ray’s face told me everything I needed to know. He explained about two prisoners being brought in. Prisoner?
“Steve is here?” Ray shrugged and indicated the end of the hall where the trauma rooms were. I strode down the hall and glanced into the first trauma room. It was empty. That was wrong. Two prisoners had been brought it. That should have meant two trauma rooms. The blinds were closed on the window of the suture room next door. I tried the knob. It was locked. I knocked on the door.
“Hey, open up.” The blind was pulled aside by the EMT trainee I’d dealt with earlier.
“Just a second,” she said and let the blinds fall again.
“Come on...” I muttered as I waited. And then the lock was turned and the door opened.
“Hi,” I said. “What’s going on?” I took a quick look around the room and found myself staring straight into the barrel of a gun. Sam stood off to one side and her expression was one of anger and fright. She was shaking her head. Steve stood just behind the door and was glaring at me. The EMT...... Mary....was it?.....shut the door and locked it again.
“Sit down,” the guy with the gun ordered. “Tape him up, babe.” I grabbed Steve and swung him in front of me as Sam shouted and leapt at the guy with the gun. Suddenly I felt a needle stick in the back of my neck. I was losing strength and Steve punched me in the stomach with his elbow. He turned and hit me across the face with a gun and I felt myself slipping to the floor. The last thing I saw was his shoe heading toward my face.
There was an explosion inside my head. At first I could only see red and then blue sparks and then there was fog. Swirling, thick, misty fog. I tried to move but couldn’t. I couldn’t even open my eyes. Oh lord....I couldn’t breathe either. Nothing was working. I could hear though. I heard Sam. I heard voices arguing and felt my head tilted back and my mouth forced open as someone....Sam?.....tried to ease the blades of a laryngoscope into my throat. It was pulled out again and I could hear the desperation in her voice as she argued with Steve.
“Put your hand...put your hand on his Adam’s apple...like that,” she said. My mouth was opened again and I could feel pressure on my throat. The tube slid in and suddenly I was moving air again.
“Okay...okay....” she said “Squeeze that bag like that, okay? Squeeze it like that.”
“‘I swear to god, right now.....right now!” I forced my eyes open and I was seeing Sam with a gun pointing at her head.
“He still needs help breathing!” she shouted.
“Too bad for him,” someone said. It wasn’t Steve. The lights were switched off and the room became quiet. I was alone.
I tried to sit up but my hands were taped to the sides of the gurney. Nothing short of a knife or scissors would get them free. The tube in my throat was hindering my ability to raise my head to look around. I rocked my body from side to side trying to move the gurney. It slipped closer and closer to the shelves along the wall. I used my feet to push, praying that the gurney would come closer to the windows to the door of the lighted trauma room next door. Then I heard it. Gun shots. Volley after volley after volley. Oh God....Abby was out there!
I rocked again but the gurney didn’t move. I pulled and tugged at the tape on my hands. I could hear silence and then people shouting. I looked up and the gurney from the next room was pulled out. I could see some activity and then nothing. I rocked and rocked and pulled.....and then I saw her in the window. Abby. I was relieved. She was okay. And then she folded over and I lost sight of her again. She stood up and shook her head a bit. I saw her look at her hand and then my heart stopped as she pressed her hand to the glass of the window for support. Her hand was covered in blood.....thick, black blood. And then she slipped from my sight as she fell to the floor. I pulled and tugged and rocked some more. Stronger and more insistent....fighting against the tape that held me prisoner. Inside my head I was screaming for help.
Someone...anyone...come! Oh God....it was all happening again. Helpless....and I was losing my family once more.