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Post by Martine on Jun 25, 2009 7:49:01 GMT 10
I can hardly believe this is your first fanfic. I sure hope it won't be your last.
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justcala
Countess of Luby
Penny for your thoughts...
Posts: 184
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Post by justcala on Jun 25, 2009 13:38:10 GMT 10
Wowww... amazing update! ;D Keep going!
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red17
Junior Luby
Posts: 40
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Post by red17 on Jun 25, 2009 23:54:31 GMT 10
Awww, thanks gals! Update coming soon!
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red17
Junior Luby
Posts: 40
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Post by red17 on Jun 30, 2009 6:38:25 GMT 10
Chapter 4:
Abby heard the sounds of cars and trucks passing by on the street outside. She glanced at the clock on the DVD player and calculated that she’d been lying on his couch for over an hour. She was tired. Her face hurt. She could still taste the metallic sting of blood in the back of her throat when she swallowed. As she lay in the dark room, she felt a tear slide between her swollen eyelids. She reached up and gently wiped it away and crossed her arms over her chest. Her ragged breath broke the silence and she took a deep calming breath in an effort to keep herself pulled together.
It wasn’t just the assault that weighed heavy on her mind. Her life had somehow turned into a messy string of unfortunate incidences. She thought back to her childhood, coping with her manic depressive mother, Maggie, and having to raise her younger brother in the midst of their mother’s irrational and sometimes dangerous behavior. She thought of her father, who had split when she was young, leaving Eric and her to deal with a childhood of instability and heartbreak. Her entire youth seemed to be one disappointment or letdown after the next.
Then her mind wandered to her failed marriage to Richard. She had been so happy when they married—so filled with hope. He was finishing med school and they planned that she would be next. She had worked double shifts as a nurse in order to support them and pay for his schooling, but she had been okay with that. She had figured the ends justified the means, and if she could quit working to focus on school once he was an attending, things would be easier. But an unexpected pregnancy had taken her by surprise, and without telling Richard, Abby decided to abort the baby rather than risk having a child who might suffer the same mental illness her mother struggled with. It seemed like the right decision at the time, but Abby realized afterwards that it had left her with a small hole in her heart, and carrying around the secret would weigh heavy on her conscience.
She remembered how things seemed to unravel uncontrollably after that. She had discovered that Richard was having an affair, which ushered in the furious fights and accusations. She began drinking heavily to deal with the pain and disappointment her life seemed to be steeped in. She couldn’t forgive him for cheating, and he never missed an opportunity to remind her of all the times he had put up with her mother’s psychotic breaks and her drinking. Soon, a great chasm had formed between them.
In the end, Abby left. She was used to being the strong one and coping with situations on her own. Long ago she had figured out how to move forward and take care of things herself. Counting on others was fruitless. And so, she had poured herself into her work as a nurse at County. That’s all she had left.
She looked up at the ceiling and her mind swirled with images of the relationship she had found with Luka over a year before. They got along well and had fun together, but their relationship had lacked open and honest communication. Neither one seemed to know how to let down their guard to get truly close to the other. And in the end, her friendship with Dr. John Carter created enough jealous tension that they both erupted, saying things they neither meant nor believed.
Yet, Abby had to hand it to Luka. He had been present for more than one of Maggie’s depressive episodes, and he had been there for Abby while she dealt with one of her mother’s darkest episodes, one that sent Maggie reeling into an overdose. She had remained grateful that he had stuck by her side despite the turmoil Maggie brought into her life. Luka had exerted more patience than Richard had.
But now she was alone again.
She had dreamed of being a doctor. She had settled for being content and happy as a nurse. She had hoped for a fulfilling marriage with Richard. Yet here she was, sleeping on the couch of a former boyfriend. Her eyes swelled with tears that threatened to spill over, but she swallowed hard and clenched her jaw, willing herself to keep things under control. She let out a bitter chuckle when she realized she didn’t even have her small apartment at her disposal anymore. When did her life get so out of hand?
A dark, empty feeling of loneliness washed over her. She blinked back a tear and brought her palms up to the sides of her eyes, wiping them dry. She took a deep breath and thought back to the night she and Luka allowed their relationship to crumble.
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Post by baboune51 on Jun 30, 2009 7:20:00 GMT 10
she's not alone , she has Luka nice udapte
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Post by suzanne on Jun 30, 2009 8:01:59 GMT 10
Can't believe Abby thinks she's alone!! She needs to talk to Luka, he's there for her know matter what!! Update again soon!!
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Post by niknik on Jul 1, 2009 1:41:48 GMT 10
I just can't believe this is your first fic! It's amazing!!
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red17
Junior Luby
Posts: 40
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Post by red17 on Jul 1, 2009 2:45:39 GMT 10
Chapter 5:
Luka’s breathing was nearly silent, yet he slept very deeply. The long hours on the trans-Atlantic flight and the unanticipated shift immediately following at the hospital had worn him out completely. He lay on his right side facing the middle of the bed, his right arm bent under his head and tucked under the pillow. Despite the room on his queen-sized bed, he had never grown used to sprawling across its entire surface. Even after the death of his wife Danjiela years before in Croatia, he still subconsciously restricted his use of the bed to what had once been his side. It had been comforting when Abby had occupied that spot next to him when they had been together. But now he was back to falling asleep and waking up alone.
The streetlights streamed through his open window, illuminating his white t-shirt and juxtaposing light and shadows on his face.
Abby watched him sleep as she stood in his bedroom doorway, arms folded across her stomach, fists tucked under the opposite elbow. She chewed her bottom lip, a sad crinkle in her brow. She tried to be as quiet as possible. Why was she up here, she wondered. She and Luka were not dating. He had moved on, she had moved on. She knew he had had more than one woman warming his nights since they had broken up. Yet, there she stood, frozen, unable to move and scared he might awaken and see her.
She knew why she had made her way up the stairs to his bedroom doorway. She felt terribly alone, hurt and lost. She was tired of being brave and strong and capable of anything life could throw at her. Although she was close to her brother Eric, he was younger than her—and not yet at an age where he would understand the disappointment life could turn out to be. She thought that even Richard’s arms around her, hugging her right now, would be reassuring and welcoming. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and then tipped her head back, looked up at the ceiling, licked her lips and let out a silent, steadying breath.
She tiptoed across his floor to the far side of his bed. Silently, she peeled the covers back and slowly slid onto the very edge of the bed, lying down as far from him as she could. She faced away from him, toward the wall, but she could feel his warmth and she could hear his slow, silent breaths. She knew he was a pretty sound sleeper, and she also knew he must’ve been dead to the world by the time his head hit the pillow after the day he’d had. Though it had been four months, she knew that she could usually get in and out of bed without waking Luka.
What am I doing? How am I supposed to explain this if he wakes up? When he wakes up? her mind raced as she immediately regretted sneaking into his room. I’ll tell him I couldn’t sleep. He’ll understand. I’ll tell him I was scared and nervous about the attack and that lying next to him helped me to feel safe so I could fall asleep. Luka will surely understand that. Won’t he? Her thoughts gently shifted gear to the sad, honest truth. I’ll tell him I was all alone… and that I have nobody to turn to since we broke up. I’ll tell him that I miss him, and that I love him, and that I wish I hadn’t have said the things I said…
Abby pulled her knees up and slid her hand over her mouth. A full torrent of tears streamed down her cheek and wet the pillow under her. No, no, no, she thought. Keep it together. Don’t start sobbing and wake him up. Her eyes fluttered as the tears continued. Memories of the months she’d spent with Luka flooded her mind. His smile, his teasing. The small, gracious things he used to do that wouldn’t have occurred to Richard. Coffee and bagels in bed. Taking her to see a favorite singer or cooking her dinner after a rough day.
That was over. And now she was alone, with a broken nose and two black eyes and nowhere safe to call home. Tomorrow she would go back to her lonely apartment. She wouldn’t even tell her mother about the attack, for fear Maggie would feel inclined to come to her aid, and possibly cause another psychotic stir. She was better off handling it alone. How did she become the daughter of a severely manic-depressed mother, the ex-wife to a man who was now happily remarried with a baby, and the former girlfriend of a man who had cared deeply for her, yet with whom she couldn’t quite make the pieces fit together to make their relationship last?
As she curled tighter into herself and tried desperately to steady her crying, she felt Luka’s arm wrap around her torso and pull her gently backwards into his warm chest. He nestled his chin and mouth into the hair just above her ear. He said nothing, but she could hear him take a deep breath and slowly exhale. She knew he was awake. She allowed herself to take a shaky breath and then a few quiet sobs escaped her. She covered her face with both hands as she risked losing all control of her emotions. Luka tightened his arm around her and whispered in her ear.
“It’s okay. Shhh.” He brought his right arm out from under his pillow and slid it under her, wrapping her in a full embrace. The tenderness in Luka’s voice and the feeling of being held by him again opened the floodgates. She cried openly, punctuated by ragged, shaky breaths, as he held her. She let down her defenses and felt only the warmth that surrounded her.
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Post by suzanne on Jul 1, 2009 8:33:09 GMT 10
Poor Abby!! So glad Luka was there to comfort her!! Looking forward to reading more, update soon!!
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Post by lubyfan4ever on Jul 1, 2009 16:45:04 GMT 10
Waooo, I can perfectly imagine this scene in an episode of ER ! keep going, it's really great !
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Post by sissa on Jul 2, 2009 2:50:54 GMT 10
This is a great story. It´s a shame the ERwriters didn´t make something like this. Oh, well, they were busy planning Nicole´s arc.... Abby with Carter... Luka´s depression.... Gee, they made so many wrong steps - its unbelievable.
It´s nice to read here this different - and better - direction.
It´s like a parallel, bizarre world, except the fact that the original/official version seems to be the bizarre one. The more strange (not to say horrible) to me was Luka/Erin Harkins´s arc. I still wonder what they wanted with that.
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Andie
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 325
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Post by Andie on Jul 2, 2009 2:58:21 GMT 10
This is a very good fanfic! It's good that there's still people out there who try to remain faithful to the characters even if you're changing facts. It's refreshing. Hope you can keep it up.
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red17
Junior Luby
Posts: 40
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Post by red17 on Jul 2, 2009 3:14:21 GMT 10
Thanks!
Agreed about the Nicole arc. And the Erin Harkins arc. I understand that everything can't be blissfully perfect in TV Land, but what a mess they made of his life for a while!
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red17
Junior Luby
Posts: 40
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Post by red17 on Jul 12, 2009 13:02:10 GMT 10
Chapter 6
The sunlight poured through both windows, bathing half the bedroom in warmth and light. Abby opened her left eye a crack and her eyebrows slowly furrowed together. Her face ached and she was very thirsty. Where was she? Slowly, the events of the previous night came back to her. She had cried herself to sleep in Luka’s arms. She opened both eyes fully and turned her head to the empty pillow behind her. She was alone in Luka’s bed.
Embarrassed regret washed over her and she was afraid to wonder what Luka thought of last night’s emotional breakdown. Although nothing of a sexual nature happened between them, sleeping in his arms held its own intimacy and was hardly something they could pretend never happened. Sleeping on his couch was platonic enough. Sleeping in his arms, on the other hand, was an altogether different matter.
She didn’t move as her mind began to spin. What was the best way to handle this, she wondered. Was Luka gone? Could she sneak out and pretend nothing had ever happened? She searched for a clock and remembered the one on his headboard. 10:02. She had had no problem sleeping in, and probably could snooze until noon if she felt comfortable enough to roll over and go back to sleep. But Luka was more of a morning person than she was. She wondered if he was working a shift or if he was still in the apartment.
Abby sat up and assessed her head. She closed her eyes. No pounding headache anymore. That was a good sign. She climbed out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror. Her right eye looked the same, but she noticed the dried, salty tear stains that ran from the outer corners of both eyes down across her temples. She noted that the bruising had taken on a darker, more purply-black color.
She pulled her hair up and grabbed the binder she had tugged from the tangled mess the night before to secure her hair in a ponytail. As she began to brush her teeth, she looked at herself in the mirror. She tilted her head to and fro as she scrubbed and then stopped, lowered the toothbrush, a self-disgusted look on her face, and asked herself aloud in the mirror, “What were you thinking last night?” She paused, looking directly at her reflection in the mirror. She shook her head and then leaned down to the faucet to spit and rinse her mouth.
“Talking to yourself might be a sign of head trauma, you know,” Luka quipped as he settled himself into the doorframe of the bathroom, leaning against the doorjamb and crossing his arms in front of his chest. A playful smile tugged at his lips.
Abby’s head snapped up in his direction and she looked up at him. Her cheeks flushed and her lower jaw dropped as she fought to come up with an appropriate explanation. Surely he had heard her words of self-reproach.
“I’m just teasing you,” he chuckled, noticing her flush.
She closed her mouth and bit the interior of her lower lip. “It’s just—,” she started and then cut herself off. She laid her toothbrush down and turned toward him, one knee bent with one hand resting on her cocked hip, the other gripping the edge of the bathroom vanity. She fought for the right thing to say—whatever would be the least awkward for both of them. She gave up and plunged ahead. “God, I feel so stupid about last night. I’m sorry,” she confessed as she looked down and to the side.
He waited a moment before speaking. “Not a problem. It was a bad night. No need to apologize.”
She wondered if he had caught the true intent of her apology. “I mean… I mean about me crawling into bed with you and then bawling my eyes out,” she explained looking in his eyes to assess his reaction, but losing her nerve the moment the words were out of her mouth. She lowered her head and stared at the bathroom’s tile floor. “Totally inappropriate, I know,” she muttered.
“Hey,” he emphasized to get her attention. Her head snapped up to meet his pointed stare. “It’s okay. It was… nice… to be that close to you again.”
He was wearing his black turtleneck sweater and jeans. She noticed his hair was still slightly damp and combed into place, save for the bangs that had fallen across his forehead. He was freshly shaven and actually looked awake. Only Luka would look this good after a late night coupled with jetlag. He obviously had showered while she continued to sleep.
His beautiful cheekbones were slightly shiny and devoid of all stubble. In another time, she would have been drawn to that beautiful, clean-shaven face for a kiss. By evening, Luka would have a healthy growth of prickly whiskers which had more than once left her skin red and irritated. She loved the look and feel of Luka in the morning, she remembered, and it had been quite a while since she had seen him as such.
Abby felt her cheeks and upper chest blush. She bristled a bit as she rubbed the back of her neck with one hand. She let out a half laugh, “Well, thanks… I guess.” Her hand fell to her thigh. After a moment she took a deep breath and straightened herself. “So,” she broke the awkward tension, “you on today?”
“Nope. Not until tomorrow.”
“Well, I am. I need to get dressed. I work at 11:00, so I need to hurry up,” she explained.
“Uh…” he started, wondering how she’d react, “I called Weaver and explained what happened last night. You’re not going in today.”
“You did what?” she exclaimed. “No, I’m going in today. I’m fine. There’s no reason for me to short-staff the rest of the nurses.”
“Yeah, Weaver figured you’d put up a fuss, so she said to tell you to get some rest, and that if you come in, she’s writing you up.” Luka’s eyebrows rose, daring her to contest the matter.
Abby let out a frustrated huff. “Great.”
“I’m making eggs downstairs. Scrambled?” he inquired.
She looked up at him and pursed her lips. She weighed the situation in her mind. She hadn’t eaten supper last night, and she was hungry.
“Yeah,” she exhaled with a resigned tone.
“Good. Meet you downstairs in a couple minutes,” Luka replied a bit too upbeat. He loved to win, especially when it was a battle of wills between the two of them. Perhaps that was because she was usually too stubborn to give in to him.
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Post by suzanne on Jul 12, 2009 19:03:34 GMT 10
Nice update!! They really need to sort out their feelings for each other!! Love the way Luka is there for Abby even if she won't ask for help!! Update soon!!
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