My first fanfiction (spoilers included)

[inga]

Hi everyone,

I thought I could start my time at this board with a bit of Fanfiction. I have written fanfic before but I never have been brave enough to post it somewhere. So please be nice
This is very spoilerish (including references to 13.1 to 13.10 and beyond) if you don't want to be spoiled don't read any further

First chapter:


Hours of fear

“Luka!!” he heard her shaking voice over the phone and immediately knew that something was awfully wrong. “He has Joe!” Abby was able to say in between sobs and then completely broke up crying. “I am on my way!” the young doctor whispered into the phone hardly loosing his voice from the shook that was running through his veins. “Pratt you got to cover for me, Ames has Joe!” he yelled into one directing. He turned to Jerry to tell him that he should call the police but saw that the clerk was already at it. Before anyone else recognized what was going on Luka was out of the door and on his way to search for Abby. He knew that she wanted to go to the Park with their son and that was probably where this ill man had kidnapped the little boy. “Boze moj, molim te pomoæi nas“ he was praying in Croatian. It wasn’t long before he had found Abby sitting on a park bench. She was shaking and couldn’t stop crying. He covered the last meters between them running as if his life was depending on it. “God Abby! Are you hurt?” was the first he was able to say after he had catched his breath. She just nodded a faint yes and cuddled into his strong arms, crying. “We have to find him Abby. Can you tell me what happened?” he asked softly stroking her hair. He knew that pushing her right now wouldn’t help. While patently waiting for her reply he called Jerry. “Jerry it’s Luka. I have found Abby but I don’t know what happened yet. Have you been able to contact the police?” Luka asked. “They said that you should come to the station house.” Jerry replied. “I, I wasn’t paying attention for a moment and when I wanted to check on him he was gone!” Abby suddenly stammered, the tears still running down her eyes. It was then that Luka recognized a piece of paper in her hand. He carefully took it from her and started to read it to himself his eyes starting to sparkle with anger. “Jerry are you still there? He said into his cell phone after reading the letter. “Yes!” came the voice of the big clerk. Can you send someone to the big fountain to pick up Abby? I need to see the police now. We really have to act fast!”
“Neela is already on her way. She should be with you any minute now.” Jerry said hanging up the phone. “OK Abby, Neela will be here in a second I want you to go with her to the ER!” Luka whispered, hugging Abby tight. She was still apathetic not able to comprehend what just happened. He knew that she needed help now but he also had to go and find their baby. He was glad when he finally saw Neela approaching them. “Please Neela, take her to the ER and get her a psychologist. I need to go to the police and find Joe!” Luka said jumping up. Before he left he took Abby’s face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes. “I promise you, I will find him!”

[strizzy]

Good start! Please continue soon

[xbostonxbabyx]

Whoa, and please tell me why you haven't posted any fanfic before? Awesome start! Looking foward to more soon.

[luby2534]

Great start !!

Please update soon !!

[inga]

Hi everybody and thanks for your great replies!

After a long day I found some time to update my story. I probably won't be able to update this weekend since we have some guests. But here is a bit of new stuff :


On his way to the police Luka was burning with anger and fear. He had seen it coming and now they were in the middle of a catastrophe. This guy was ill and Luka just hoped that it was not too late to save his sons life. If the police would have believed him in the first place it wouldn’t have come so far, now everything that meant something to him was in danger. He reached his destination and went to a policeman who stood by the counter. “Excuse me Officer Jenkins, I am Dr. Kovac my son has been kidnapped.” The Croatian man said hoping that they would react at once. “OK Mr. Kovac please fill in this form. We will deal with it as soon as a staffer is available.” The Officer said like he was only a recorded message on an answering machine. “What?” was all Luka was able to say at first, he didn’t believe his ears. His baby son’s life was at stake and this guy told him to fill out a form and to wait?! “Listen there is much evidence that my son was kidnapped by a mentally ill person. He left this message in his stroller. He has been stalking my family for weeks now and I demand that you do something about that right now!” Luka said calm. He was actually surprised at how calm he was. “Mr. Kovac I can understand your concern about your son, but we have rules!” the policeman replied still not looking up from a pile of documents lying in front of him. “You don’t know nothing!” the doctor now raised his voice unable to contain the anger that was boiling within him. “During the Balkan War my wife and my two young children were kidnapped and later killed. Now I have found the woman that has made me happy again. It is more than a wonder that she and our little boy are still alive. He was born premature after a shootout with my girlfriend hurt. She had a hysterectomy and our son had to fight for his life for weeks! Don’t tell me you understand my concern!” Luka practically yelled at the officer now.
“John what’s going on here?” another policeman made his way out of an office. “This mans son was kidnapped and he doesn’t want to fill out the form, Chief Kershaw.” The admin guy answered his superior. “Dr. Kovac. Please follow me!” the chief asked opening his office for Luka. “Please have a seat. Now tell me what happened? The policeman went on. Luka knew him, he was the man who didn’t believe his instincts about Ames. “My girlfriend called me and said that Joe was kidnapped, she found this paper in his stroller.” Luka answered handing Kershaw the letter.” He looked at it for a moment and than faced the young father again. “Where is your partner now?” “A friend took her to hospital. She had a nervous breakdown. Look. Chief, Joe is our only child we are not able to have more. We have been going through so much before we could be save that he would survive, he was so ill. Please help us!” Luka begged feeling so lost. “I guess you have a suspicion!” Kershaw went on ignoring the young mans plead. “There is only one person who could have done that. Isn’t that obvious?” Luka replied the anger rising again. “We have been through with this, haven’t we. I know that you had to go though a lot but Mr. Ames is not in anyway able to kidnap a child, he has problems surviving so I don’t think that he could have your son!” Kershaw answered in a very rude manner. “I don’t know how things like that are handled in your homeland but we in the States have this wonderful rule. Innocent until proven guilty. I will give this piece of paper to our specialists but if I am not mistaken the text on the back of the paper is Croatian.” The policeman acknowledged eying Luka suspiciously. “Did you know that, Mr. Kovac?” he went on. “No I haven’t looked at the backside. Let me have a look at it.” Luka asked and wanted to see for himself. Before he was able to get a hold of the paper Kershaw took it away. “I am sorry this is means of evidence now. I suggest you go and calm down your wife, oh sorry wait she isn’t your wife right?” the policeman glanced over at Luka with so much perverse malice that he hardly forgot his good education. The doctor just stood up and wanted to leave as Kershaw spoke up once more. “I warn you Kovac! If I see you anywhere near Ames I will put you in a straitjacket!” the man warned but Luka ignored him and just stormed out of the police station. If Justitia was blind in this part of the world, he would find a way to give her back her eyesight on his own.

[jadestar]

wow, you have a really good writing style - it's great

[ERFanRach]

Great Update!!

[inga]

Sorry this is a bit short:

In the meantime Neela tried to talk to Abby. She sat on a gurney teetering back and forth, her eyes unfocused and red after all the crying she had been doing. The ER staff had tried everything to get some information out of her or at least calm her down, without success. Weaver had suggested to give her a sedative but as soon as Abby saw someone approaching with an injection she started to scream and lash about. Now it was only Neela and Abby sitting in a dark and silent room. It was bizarre and scary: Neela could only try to imagine what was going on inside of Abby’s head right now. Fear? Anger? Helplessness? The though about loosing the only child you’ll ever be able to have would have driven her into insanity and now she worried if that was what was going on with Abby. A knock on the door got the young doctor out of her thoughts. “Come in” she said hoping it was the psychologists they had ordered down almost half an hour ago. Looking up, she saw Luka entering the room. “Luka. What did the police say?” Neela asked walking over to shut the door behind the doctor. The name of her boyfriend got Abby’s attention and the look in her eyes changed from empty to one of pure terror. She jumped up and hardly crawled under a nearby desk coiling up like a child in fear of trouble. Luka wanted to rush to her side but Neela held him back. “Don’t Luka! She’s been like that since I picked her up in the park. We tried everything to clam her down. Kerry wanted to give her a sedative but she just lashed about and screamed at us. Now we called for a psychologists but no one was here so far.” Neela informed Luka. He was about to say something when Abby started to sob once more. “I, I am a bad mother. I should have watched him…… I’m sorry Luka. I, I lost our only child! She stammered over and over again. “Neela listen, you got to bring her home. When one of the psychologists comes here and she is in that weak mental state he will call the social service and we both know what that means. I have to find Joe. The police believes that I am a stupid ill stalker and if they hear about Abby’s break down things will get worse! Luka explained his voice only a whisper. Neela just nodded her head. “You go find your son and I will get Abby out of here.”

[steffi1986]

wow really great story, please update soon

[bostongirl]

Aw...beautifully written!! You've got style missy!!
Update soon!