JD's Fics- "Ghosts"

[red17]

Rory, thanks for posting! Can't wait for the last three chapters!

[Praline]

Here they are...the next 2 chapters

Ghosts 35/37

Chapter 35

An ER Fanfic following the "Bishop Stewart" arc

The shrill ring of the telephone jarred Angelique from her thoughts. Cursing both the intrusion and the chance that the sound would wake Luka she hurried to the phone, picking it up on the third ring. "Hello?" Even as she answered her attention shifted to Luka for the moment it to register if he had been awakened.

When she saw he hadn't she released a relieved breath and returned her full concentration to the call. "Alexander...yes...I'm sorry...no, I had to take care of a personal matter." She rubbed her brow as the man on the other end expressed his concerns. "Yes, it was him...no..he didn't go home...he's still here....Alexander, he's sleeping." The longer her colleague spoke the more she found her irritation rising, how could she expect him to understand why this was so important to her...no, she quickly amended the thought, why he was so important to her? "I told you he was asleep...I am not leaving him here alone." She paused, letting her eyes return to Luka as he stirred slightly, reacting even on the deepest level to the noise in the room. "Yes, I'll call you back when he wakes up...good-bye Alexander." With the call finished she replaced the handset in the cradle, she should shower and change before he woke...maybe she could even order breakfast in. She managed a smile at the thought of what still was to come, then set about gathering her things.

As he set about preparing for his morning mass Father Joe found his thoughts wandering back to the events of the previous evening. There was no doubt in his mind that those who had attended the forum had walked away with a better understanding of the problems many of them suffered from. The fact that some remained until past midnight spoke to the importance of it...but the one he had so counted on helping had not been among them.

What he wouldn't have given to have been in the hall when the woman had led the young doctor from the room..to hear what was said and to know what had happened that had kept either from returning. The speaker had seemed just as puzzled as he was though he seemed to have recognized Luka from conversations he'd had with his colleague. There was no question in his mind that the workings of the meeting were being manipulated by a higher power...it had to bemore the sheer coincidence...but what was still to come?

The start to the organ music signaled an end to his musings, he had a parish to worry about and though he considered the young doctor one of his parishioners he knew others needed him as much if not more. He would call him after mass...or maybe pay him another visit...yes, that was exactly what he would do.

She had debated taking the El to Luka's stop..maybe something had happened..maybe he was ill and couldn't get to the phone. As she stared out of the train window her thoughts were filled with all of the worst case scenarios what if he had gone but it had just been too much for him....what if he had picked up and left. No..she couldn't think like that...most likely he had just gotten home late and unplugged the phone so he could sleep...he would call...she knew he would. She had to force herself to stay in her seat as the car slowed and the doors slid open...she had to let him handle this on his own. She turned her attention back to the window as the car began to move again...she was just overreacting, he would call her at work, or maybe show up at lunch..tell her it had been long and boring. She found herself smiling as she seemed to find satisfactory conclusions to her worries. He wouldn't leave her hanging..he would know she was worried and like always he would be there to ease her fears.

As she stepped from the bathroom Angelique was relieved to find Luka still sleeping, folding her arms she found herself watching him as she had so many days and nights all those years ago. It was hard not to make comparisons to her old memories as he lay there...looking for the indications that his dreams were still strong...seeing the lines that had come with his age. Ten years since she had first met him...five since she had seen him last, but a lifetime in so many ways. She drifted back to the chair, reaching a hand across to brush his hair off his forehead and to check his temperature with the action. Why now though? What had made this the right time? More importantly, was their meeting part of a greater plan?

to be continued...

[Praline]

Ghosts 36/37

Chapter 36

An ER Fanfic following the "Bishop Stewart" arc

Exhaustion had finally claimed him and though his mind wrapped itself around the memories of his past, they were not enough to rouse him. For the first time in longer then he could remember his dreams were not filled with the horrors of war...of death and loss....

<Croatian> "Luka..." Glancing up from the book that lay propped on his knees he turned towards the kitchen where he knew his wife was. "I'm studying..." He tapped the pen on his lip as he returned his attention to the textbook in front of him. "Luka... don't make me come in there...I need your help." Danijela's tone didn't reflect any immediate need but the fact she had asked twice made him look back to the doorway. "It can't wait?" Without waiting for an answer he lay the pen between the pages as a bookmark before closing the text and setting it aside. "Nevermind... I'm coming." Rising he grabbed the empty coffee cup that sat by his chair and went to join her. As he reached the kitchen he sat the cup on the table before walking over to where she sat at the table nursing their son. "You're beautiful when you do that." He offered a smile with the compliment before pulling a chair out to join her. "You always say that...but thank you anyway." She returned his smile with one of her own even as she switched the baby to the other breast. "Jasna needs a bath before bed...can you do it for me?" She let her deepening smile act as leverage. "I have 3 more chapters to do tonight..." He reached across the table to stroke Marko's hair. "You also have a daughter who needs a bath and I'm a little busy here...go spend some time with her...please, I'll make it up to you later." With a laugh he drew his hand back then stood...moving behind her before planting a kiss on her now upturned mouth. "I'll hold you to that..."

The laugh of his wife mingled with those of his daughter as his dream shifted to memories of the small girl in her bath...a cherished gift of bubblebath doled out a few precious drops at a time. "Tata..." She giggled in delight as she blew bubbles from her hand only to watch them strike him as he knelt beside the basin that served as her bathtub. "Jasna..." He admonished her in mock anger which only further delightedher before she repeated the act. "I'm going to get you..." He scooped some of the bubbles into his hand and plopped them on top of her head. "We need to wash your hair now..." He scooped still more bubbles up with the explanation...

This was the past he wanted to remember...he brought his hand up to rest alongside his face as he shifted slightly in his sleep...

Hearing the bed squeak Angelique looked over to where Luka still slept, then to her watch...almost ten..she would need to wake him soon...she moved to his side, taking a seat in the chair beside him. He seemed so at peace...a look that had been as rare for him in the past as it seemed to be on him now. What would it take for him to put it all to rest, to face the consequences of what his families loss had done to him and to allow him to move forward?

She should have known she couldn't sit and simply watch him and as she brushed stray locks of hair from his face she smiled as he opened his eyes. "Good morning..." She expected him to be confused...too much had happened for him not to be and he did not disappoint her. "Angelique?" His voice was quiet, deepened by sleep...rubbing his hand across his eyes he struggled to clear his jumbled thoughts. "You weren't a dream?" She could only smile at the question, before caressing his cheek with her fingertips. "No, Sweetie...I'm not a dream...we met at the seminar last night... at the Church...do you remember that?" When he nodded she smiled, "Good...are you hungry? I ordered some breakfast in..why don't you go take a shower and I'll call down for some fresh coffee, we have a lot of catching up to do..."

[suzanne]

Very nice update!!
Can't wait for the next one!!

[red17]

Can we get the last chapter?

[FicWriter]

(Rory must be busy...here you go..)

Ghosts Finale


An ER Fanfic following the "Bishop Stewart" arc

The disorientation of a mind still tangled in the tendrils of sleep lingered and Angelique offered a reassuring smile as she waited him out. Even with as long as he had slept his eyes were barely open, the dark circles below them speaking of more then a few restless nights. "You can go back to sleep, Sweetie." She gave him the option even though she inwardly hoped he would refuse.

"What time is it?" The words came out as a hoarse croak and brought a frown to her face before she lay a hand on his forehead. "Almost ten, Luka, have you been sick?" When he nodded lethargically her frown deepened. "Have you been taking anything?" She asked the question as she rose, then filled a glass with water. "Antibiotics..." He saved the response for her return. "I suppose you treated yourself too." She couldn't help chastising softly as she held the glass so he could drink. "How long have you been sick?" She withdrew the water as he raised a hand to push it away. "I don't know, a few weeks." He rubbed the hand across his face in a failed attempt to rouse himself then started to sit only to have her lay a hand on his shoulder to still him. "Stay. Now, let me get this straight, you've been sick for several weeks, you're self medicating yourself, barely sleeping from what I can see, and if you're true to form probably not eating either. Is that about right?" Her face had hardened slightly with the summary and the realization of how close to the edge he was. When he offered nothing in his defense she sighed, then reached across to touch his chin with her fingertips, forcing him to look at her. "Luka...it's been ten years...you can't keep punishing yourself because you lived and they didn't. We can keep going around and around this, but nothing will change the fact that your wife and children died that day and you didn't."

"I can't do this...not now." He made a failed attempt to pull away from her hold with the protest. "You have to do this now, Luka. Whatever led me here," She paused only to start again. "It's time to put this to rest." When he simply closed his eyes she found anger edging into the worry she felt for him. "No, I will not let you pretend this isn't happening... Luka... look at me." She tightened her hold enough to make it uncomfortable, then eased it as he opened his eyes again. "You can't fool me Luka, if you really wanted to die you would have done something about it by now...I'm guessing death isn't your goal. You can't possibly think that by punishing yourself you are somehow going to feel better about all that has happened?" She could feel the tensing to his jaw as he reacted to her words and though he had yet to move otherwise she sensed she had stumbled onto his ultimate goal. "That's it isn't it? You think that by denying yourself a real life you can make amends for having survived when the rest of your family didn't.

As he closed his eyes she felt the tremble pass though him. "Sweetie...." She allowed her tone to soften, "We all lose people...it's part of life, I'm sorry you had to learn that lesson so young and that it cost you so much, but you can't stop living your own life because of it." She released her hold on him to brush her fingers back through the hair at his temple. "I know the man Danijela fell in love with, who she married, and who she chose to have her children with is still inside you, even if you don't want to admit it." She wiped the tears off his face as they began to fall with her words. "You deserve to be a husband and a father again Luka." She paused as he lifted an unsteady hand to his face.

"You don't understand...." He opened his eyes as he wiped the wetness away. "What don't I understand, Sweetie...tell me, make me understand?" Angelique fixed her eyes on his with the request. "I can't betray them." When he tried to roll to his side so he wouldn't have to face her she stopped him. "No, Luka, tell me....why do you think you'd be betraying them?" This had gone on for far too many years and as much as she knew it would hurt, she also knew it was time to bring it to a resolution. "Luka, tell me why you think you would be betraying them?" She repeated the question when he didn't answer her.

She watched him silently as he raised a hand, rubbing first one eye then the other as he stalled for time. His hold was slipping and she could see the tremble of a barely controlled breakdown running through him. How much more could she push before he fell over the crumbling edge that he clung so precariously to? "Luka, tell me." As he cleared his throat she offered the water again, letting him have that extra moment to frame his thoughts.

"Danijela..." He spoke her name reverently as the glass was withdrawn. "My wife...she was my first love, my only love." He made the admission knowing that in doing so he was admitting what he already knew in his heart about his feelings for Abby. "We promised to love each other forever." He sniffed back the approaching tears. "Jasna and Mar..." His voice broke and he paused to gather the strength he needed to continue. "Jasna and Marko, they were our future.... everything we did was for them." When he moved to roll to his side this time Angelique made no move to stop him. "I thought by becoming a doctor I could give them the life Danijela and I never had." He swallowed deeply, fighting for the words. "Instead I got them all killed." He covered his face with his hand as his hold slipped even more.

"Luka...you're choice of careers didn't kill your family, a mortar shell did." She touched his shoulder lightly, "It was war, and you can't keep blaming yourself for something you had no control over." How many times would she have to go over this before he could finally accept it? "I still don't see how you think that living your life...that being happy is betraying them." Angelique raised her hand gently touch his cheek. "Can you tell me?" It took several agonizingly long minutes before he could find the words to answer and when he finally did speak it was in an unsteady whisper. "When I'm with someone else....oh God, forgive me...there are times I forget about them." He lifted pained eyes to her. "What kind of person am I that I could forget my own wife and children?"

"Oh, Sweetie, " She couldn't not share his pain in that moment. "You aren't betraying them by not thinking about them every minute of the day. They're always going to be part of you, but your heart is big enough to let others in too, just like you would have found room for more children with Danijela." As she spoke she moved to the bed, settling down beside him before easing his head onto her lap. "I know it seems like your world ended that day Sweetie, but it didn't, I promise you that. As long as you live, they live." When he turned into her she smiled, folding her arms around him as she leaned down to kiss his hair. "Let it go Sweetie, you've held onto it for long enough."

The release from him was almost immediate, a shuddered breath the signal that the wall had finally given way. As had been the case the night before Angelique found herself unable to do little more then hold him as his body shook, whispering reassurances and comfort until exhaustion finally claimed him. The ghosts that had held him prisoner for ten years had been exposed, his fears stripped bare. The healing could finally begin, and with the healing he could once more learn to live, and even someday love. She could only hope she would be there to witness it.

The End

[suzanne]

Very nice ending!!
Luka expressing himself was lovely!!
Was a very nice ending to the story!!