5.FaithfulOne Year.
“Why don’t you just break up with me?”Six months.
“It’s what you’re supposed to give your girl when you haven’t seen her in a long time.”A few weeks.
“I’m not having a meltdown”One day.
“Why didn’t you answer your cell?”A few hours.
“Let’s get married…tonight.”Today.
FaithA lazy and half asleep sun was making its presence acknowledged across the winter sky. When she arrived, there were still mountains of snow scattered on each side of the street. Now, it melted and left behind too many ponds, everywhere. The sky was still grey, but was starting to slowly turn into icy blue. It somehow changed his mind, had a change of heart; something was warming it up. The global warming? Maybe. And maybe not.
She finally managed to drag herself out of bed. 1:30. P.M. Getting better everyday. She looked around the house but soon noticed she was all alone. She felt like she was walking on thin ice, still getting used to the place. Made her way to the kitchen, then the living room, between the boxes and the wheel chair ramps he had to take down. Where was he? Where were they? She shrugged, and sat on the couch. One of the boxes caught her attention as she realized she never once looked through the pictures. Really look, not shy glances. Only at those that were still hanging on a wall. Abby picked up one of the envelopes but stopped for a minute, as she wasn’t sure that she was supposed to be doing that. She felt like she was invading his privacy on some level and the fact that he wasn’t at home made it worse.
She pondered the thought for one more second then opened the envelope and smiled. His father with some friends, relatives maybe, his parents, some kids that didn’t seem to be either Luka or his brother, people at the beach, sunny days and the cold winter sky, years and years gone by. Luka. 10. Maybe older. Broad smile and happy eyes. Not a worry in the world. She pictured Joe. She wished Joe would grow up to be like that. His father’s eyes and height…her nose, her lips with his dimples…
Another one. Older. Luka and Niko at the beach, Niko and a group of girls, Luka and his father, Luka in a uniform. Military. She smiled, somehow feeling proud, without actually knowing why. Another…a postcard. No words written on the back, just an image, no stamp.
“Hey.”
“Hey”. She turned around and placed the photos on a table nearby.
“When did you get up?”
“About….five minutes ago.”
“Where were you guys?” Abby came closer and took Joe in her arms.
“Shopping. I feel like cooking launch. Or breakfast. Depends how you look at it.” He glanced at the table only to notice the pictures.
Luka put the grocery bag aside and picked up the postcard. He smiled softly and got lost in the image for a few seconds.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Umm…Vukovar. Before the war, though.”
She panicked for a bit, not knowing what to say or what to do. Hold his hand? Say she’s sorry? Ask a few questions about the difference between now and…then? She looked down for a second, trying to find the appropriate words. But he wrapped one arm around her shoulder and she realized there was no regret in his eyes. Looking back at just an image, not picturing himself there. Connecting his past to his present…to his future. He wasn’t lost; he was there, with her. And they were alone…
He turned around and started caressing her hair, playing with some strands.”I should take you there, someday. It’s beautiful. Or go driving along the coast on a summer’s day…Dubrovnik, Split…So many things I want to show you…and Joe. ”
She watched him for a few more moments, trying to capture his every emotion, to guess his every thought. But she could feel him there, with her. Belonging to her. And no one else was there.
She smiled. “I’d love to.”
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Baby steps…and not just Joe’s. How could two people who share a child feel so awkward around each other? Breakfast, launch, dinner, walks in the park, sightseeing…sharing a bed, reaching out for each other with a small touch of a hand. She didn’t dare to move the first night he wrapped his arm around her. She was afraid he’ll pull away. Soon, when it was night and she was sheltered by its darkness, she found courage to turn around and let him caress her to sleep. And with every day that went by, the space between them became smaller.
“Žaba!”
“This? This is ‘žaba’?” Abby took the toy frog from the floor and handed it to Joe.
She was starting to get a little frustrated. It’s not like she didn’t want him to know his father’s language but somehow she felt like this was a party nobody invited her to join. She could picture them in a few years…talking in Croatian to each other, while she would just sit somewhere, close to them, smiling and nodding politely. It was the time when Joe was in full development and picked up everything around him; she felt proud, happy and a bit sad at the same time.
Luka slid on the couch to join them, a bit amused by Abby’s constant struggles to repeat the few words Joe said.
“I think he’s going to be a moody one”, he started.
She couldn’t suppress a laugh. “Yeah, wonder where he got that from.”
“Me? I’m moody?” Luka raised his eyebrows in bewilderment.
“Noooo…of course not. Neither am I.”
He started caressing the small of her back then whispered something in Croatian to Joe, pointing at Abby with a devilish smile on his face.
“You know…” she said, looking down for a moment, “…this really isn’t fair.”
“What?”
“This…” She pointed her finger at both Luka and Joe. “Your little…boys’ club.”
“Boys’ club? Can we have secret handshakes and matching…”
“I just….I just…Sometimes…”
Just say it! He can’t read your mind. No more pretending. No more hiding. There’s a problem…ask for help. Simple as that. “I feel a little left out."
Where did that come from? Fix it, fix it, fix it! Fast "But…no…I mean…I’m happy…that…that…”
“Well…maybe you can learn along with Joe. It’s not that hard.”
“Yes, it sounds very easy!”
He laughed and looked at her in an adoring way, with his head tilted a bit to the side so he can get a better look. What happened? How did they forget each other? Forget …this. There was nothing in between and he could barely remember how he managed to stay away…so long. Without looking at her face, holding her hand…her warm breath on his lips…
She took a deep breath and smiled. “Maybe we could try that.”
Abby turned her head to face him as her smile faded and realized that this was the first time in a very, very…very long time they were actually
looking at each other. They were both a bit shy and she felt her heart racing. It wasn’t like they were at the beginning of a new relationship; it wasn’t like they didn’t know each other. It wasn’t like those times you get butterflies in your stomach during the first date, when you feel awkward but in that funny way that makes you want to get over with it yet and…”seal the deal”. But this time…emotions weren’t just gathering inside her; they were becoming her.
He gently stroke her arm, like a sculptor taking mental notes of a woman’s curves, his gaze following his fingers, getting to know her again. He felt like he was exploring new territory and wasn’t so sure of himself. It wasn’t like this was a first ….for any of them. It wasn’t like they didn’t know each other. But this time…it felt like they were children…teens, feeling the first tingles of love. Luka stroke her face as she closed her eyes and lost herself in the moment, only to feel a few seconds later his warm breath on her cheek then his lips barely touching hers. With his kiss, he washed away all the memories of past men, those who touched her and left marks on her heart, all of her fears and sorrows, while she took away all of his doubts.
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Thank you, Jana for the help.
And many thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing.