When you need me just call out my name.
Abby.I’m in bed I told Luka and Katie I had a headache so I could come up here and hide but really I just didn’t want to be down stairs with them.
He is so good with Katie watching them together makes me so sad because I wasn’t brave enough I couldn’t leave Richard I couldn’t give her a better life away from him and she of all kids deserves a better life.
Most days I live in hope wishing I hadn’t married Richard, wishing I had got out when Luka gave me the chance but it’s wouldn’t have worked.
“Mommy dinner is ready.”
I look up and see Katie standing the doorway “I’m not hungry baby” I tell her sweetly I just want to be on my own.
“Uncle Luka said you would say that.”
I bet he did I bet he was down stairs slagging me off to my own daughter “did he” I say forcing a smile as I watch her sit on the bed and look at me oddly.
“What does the 15th of June 1999 at 2 minutes to midnight mean mommy?”
I’d never forget that date but how does she know “who told you that date Katie?” I know who did I just want to hear her say his name.
“Luka, what does it mean?”
I smile slightly as I remember that night I think about it every day and when Richard would hit me I’d think about it even more going over and over it in my head “nothing baby I’ll be down soon” I get out of bed and usher her out the room.
A few minutes later I make my way down the stairs I want to talk to Luka “why?” I ask him as I walk into the kitchen he is dishing dinner out.
“I knew it would make you come down”
He knows what I’m talking about he is just playing dumb he thinks he is clever “Katie baby can you go wash your hands please” I turn into the lounge I don’t want her to hear any of this.
“I just wondered if you remembered that night.”
How could I ever forget it “you said if we stayed you wouldn’t say another word” is he trying to piss me off.
“Yeah and you said you never thought of us like that kind of bullshit don’t you think.”
I look deep in his eyes and sallow hard as I remember that night I know he is playing it out in his head too this all started years ago when he kissed me for the first time it was six years ago today.
15th of June 1999.“Can I come in please?” I’m at Luka’s door in the middle of the night Richard got drunk and started yelling so I left and went to the only place I knew I’d get the attention I long for.
“Sure.”
He moves a side letting me past “thanks” I walk down the few steps and start to pace around his lounge.
“Want a drink?”
He asks me he knows why I’m here and it’s not for a drink “no!” I watch him move slowly into the lounge as I remember today.
We were in the lounge together drinking coffee when he suddenly kissed me and said he loved me, he told me he wanted me to leave Richard for him and of course been a married woman I pushed him away and ran out but seeing Richard tonight just made me think of Luka and his idea of us been together I realised I do love Luka.
“What I said in the lounge I meant it ever wor…”
I don’t let him finish I run into his arms and start kissing him “I know” I tell him between kisses.
“I want you”
He tells me over and over as he pushes me down on the couch touching every inch of my body as he starts to take my clothes off.
Were kissing so hard it’s hard to breath but we don’t want to part he wants me as much as I want him but then “ring…ring…ring…ring” we stop and I look over at the clock it’s almost midnight.
“That’s you ringing.”
I hold his face in my hands looking deep in his eyes “it’s Richard I better go” I bite my lip I don’t want to I want to stay here with him.
“I know but I still don’t want you to.”
He moves off me so I can get up as I start to put my clothes back on I turn around to face him “I’ll come back I promise I’ll tell him everything and then I’ll be right back” I kiss him quickly and run out the door.“You broke my heart that day but I still loved you so I had to settle for friendship it’s all you wanted remember…but what I didn’t get was why did you promise?”
I decide to tell him the part he doesn’t remember his fairytale ends like that mine turned into a nightmare.
He needs to know why I never left Richard for him, the reason I told him I didn’t love him nor did I want to be with him.
“That night…he raped me I told him about us and he hit me over and over and then…that night Katie was made and all I every think about is if we had only ignored the phone we would have made love and we would have made Katie you and me” I start to cry uncontrollable as I remember.
“You said you made a mistake that you loved him?”
I walk closer towards him “I lied he made me…after that he hit me every night but you were the only thing keeping me going I’d play out this little happy family in my head the whole time he beat me” I’m inches away from him “you me and her” I rub his face gently.
“Why didn’t you tell me I would have got you away why keep lying?”
I wipe the tears from my eyes “you started dating the blonde girl from OB I thought you didn’t want me, it was easier to be friends then at least I still had you in my life” I see him getting upset.
I move my hands to his face again to wipe his tears away “I never stopped that night has always been in the back of my mind I just ignored it and lived in hope” I lean forward and lay a quick but soft kiss on his lips “I’m so sorry” I whisper as I pull away.
“All clean mommy.”
Katie comes running down the stairs throwing us across the room away from each other “good girl” I tell her watching Luka wipe his tears away…
I was going to do it that Luka was her dad but i knew Abby couldn't lie to Luka like that.
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