I agree with Abby that we’d better give it time; I agree that maybe we’re not ready, that we have a lot to consider before we start anything. But then, why do I feel so terrible about it? I can’t get her out of my mind, that kissed we shared was one of the most overwhelming moments of my life. I never thought a single kiss could mean so much. It’s been days and that’s all I can think about. I push open the lounge door distractedly, my mind racing. I didn’t see her petite form standing just behind it, reaching for the handle. I only see her when we’re face to face.
She looks up at me nervously, not sure what to do. My feet are apparently stuck to the ground and I can’t move them since all my strength is being used trying not to kiss her.
- Ummm….can we talk?
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
She nods and walks back into the lounge, heading towards the coffee machine.
- Coffee?
I nod and smile slightly at her as she hands me the cup.
- Look, I know things are a little awkward between us. I’m just hoping that we can maintain our friendship as it used to be before…well…you know. – She chuckles and blushes nervously.
- Yeah, I want that as well. It’s just kinda hard to…to…
- Hard to what?
- To see you and not be able to kiss you hello or hold your hand as we walk…I know it sounds extremely pathetic but it’s just how I feel. And, believe me, I agree with everything you said that night but… - I’m pretty sure I’m blushing profusely so I avoid her gaze, embarrassed.
Abby smiles sweetly at me and takes a hold of my hand on the table, trying to get my attention. When I finally looked at her, she says:
- I don’t think it’s pathetic. I think it’s incredibly sweet. And I feel the same way. There’s just a lot going right now, with Julie and your kids and all….
There’s also one thing I didn’t tell you about…another reason why I’m not ready for this just yet.
- What is it? – I’m concerned now.
- I haven’t…well…I haven’t dated anyone since Richard. – She seems rather self-conscious as she says this.
I still don’t know in details what happened between them – I’m not even sure I want to…God knows what might happen to him if I find out something I don’t like about him – but I can clearly see it has left a scar in her. She seems to find it hard to trust people, to open up to them. I can’t help but feel a need to take her pain away, to make her forget about all the bad things she’s been through in her life. Still, as hard as it is for me to accept, all these things made her who she is, all her experiences in life – both good and bad -, her flaws and mistakes made her the woman that I love today. So I guess I’ll have to prove her that I’m worth breaking these walls that she built around herself. And I will prove her that. Whatever it takes.
I squeeze her hand and get up, leaned down and whisper in her ear:
- I’m a very patient person, you know. I have no problem with waiting at all, especially if I know the waiting will be worth it. And, for my part, our friendship will remain the same.
I kiss her cheek and leave the lounge before she has a chance to protest.
Heal The Pain – George Michael
Let me tell you a secret
Put it in your heart and keep it
Something that I want you to know
Do something for me
Listen to my simple story
And maybe we'll have something to show
You tell me you're cold on the inside
How can the outside world
Be a place that your heart can embrace
Be good to yourself
Because nobody else
Has the power to make you happy
How can I help you
Please let me try to
I can heal the pain
That you're feeling inside
Whenever you want me
You know that I will be
Waiting for the day
That you say you'll be mine
He must have really hurt you
To make you say the things that you do
He must have really hurt you
To make those pretty eyes look so blue
He must have known
That he could
That you'd never leave him
Now you can't see my love is good
And that I'm not him
How can I help you
Please let me try to
I can heal the pain
That you're feeling inside
Whenever you want me
You know that I will be
Waiting for the day
That you say you'll be mine
Who needs a lover
That can't be a friend
Something tells me I'm the one you've been looking for
If you ever should see him again
Won't you tell him you've found someone who gives you
more
Someone who will protect you
Love and respect you
All those things
That he never could bring to you
Like I do
Or rather I would
Won't you show me your heart
Like you should
Won't you let me in
Let this love begin
Won't you show me your heart now
I'll be good to you
I can make this thing true
And get to your heart somehow
PS: Jaana, please don't kill me
Nina xx