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Post by hollygirl on Jul 29, 2006 10:32:29 GMT 10
Chapter 12: Labor Part 2
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't do this! oh my god! I am squeezing Luka's hand so tight, I think I am literally going to break it. "Push Abby!"
"I AM pushing!" Oww...Luka is standing right beside me, I know he is just trying to encourage me, but right now...I just feel like hurting him! he did this! "Ok, Abby I need you to push harder ok...the baby's heart rate is dropping with each contraction...we need to get her out." oh my god..."Ok, Push!"
"1...2...3...4...5..6...7..8..9..10..good...good..alright, I can see the head." oh wow! I want to see the head! "ahh ow...ahh.." I start to push again with the next contraction. "Wait..stop! don't push!" "Whats wrong?" Luka is wiping the sweat off of my face, and Coburn's face looks a little worried.
"Scissors...Abby, the cord is wrapped around her neck..." Jesus...what did I do...to start my baby is premature and her lungs probably won't be developed and now the cord is around her neck strangling her. "Ok, Now push...one big one!" easy for her to say..."I can't..."
"Abby, You can do this, come on!" Luka says, I look at him, and he smiles..I start to push, and Luka and Dr. Coburn count aloud...."1....2....3...4...5...6...7...8...9..10......good...good...again..1....2....3...4..." ahhhhh..I am screaming, and I feel bad for Luka's hand...good thing its his left one. "5....6....7....8...9..10."
I feel her slide out and fall back into the pillows. shes not crying....why isn't she crying..I look up at Luka, and he looks worried.
They don't even let me see her, Coburn passes her off to the NICU team and I try to look around them but I can't see anything..."...Luka..." I can't even finish what I'm saying..I burst out into tears...and he wraps his arms around me....He lifts my chin so our eyes meet, his are filled with tears and I was hoping he would be the strong one. I hear a faint cry and see the NICU team roll her out.
Luka walks over to Dr. Coburn and they step out of the room....I want to see my baby.
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Post by maggie on Jul 29, 2006 10:50:38 GMT 10
oh, please let her be okay!
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Post by lubyfan on Jul 29, 2006 20:41:08 GMT 10
Hope the baby is okay!
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
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Post by hollygirl on Jul 30, 2006 3:50:48 GMT 10
Chapter 13: Emily Lauren
Luka walks back into the room, His face tear stained. He walks over to me and sits on the edge of the bed. I look up at him and he brings me into a warm embrace, I am still crying and he is just holding me, neither one of us is talking..I don't think there is anything we can say, that will make this all ok. "What were you and Coburn talking about?" I ask not even..knowing that I'm speaking. "Just about the baby...shes so small Ab..."
"Is she ok?"
"They intubated her...her lungs aren't developed enough...she was 16 inches long...and about 2 1/2 pounds..." thats so small...I wrap my arms around Luka and he brings me close to him again...my eyes close and I hear him whispering in croatian...I have no idea what he is saying, but the words make me feel safe...they are comforting.
I awake to an empty room, Its just me...With her gone, I feel empty...I thought I hated pregnancy..but I was looking forward to the next few weeks...the feeling of her moving, and kicking was amazing. Every time brought as much joy as the first time. I never got used to that feeling. my eyes fixate on the ceiling and I stare up at the lights...I don't even notice Luka until he rubs his fingers up and down my cheek. I bring my eyes to his and they don't look as sad. "Where were you?"
"Up in the NICU....I was looking at her..and she just doesn't look like an Andrea....she looks more like an Emily..."
"Yeah? I like Emily.....how is she?"
"She's doing ok....shes beautiful."
"Can we go back up?"
"Yeah..I was just coming down here, to see if you were up...which you are...how are you feeling?"
"...tired...and sore.."
He comes over and I start to get up, He lifts me up and sits me down. we are in the NICU and heading toward the back corner, inside the incubator I can see her, she is so tiny...she is wrapped up in cellophane and her bed has a radiant warmer to keep her warm. Her hair is dark like Luka's...And I hope she has his eyes...his amazing eyes.
"They put her on surfactant...to help her lungs." I only nod, and stick my hand through the little hole to touch her. I bring my index finger to her body. her skin is soft, and warm....this is my baby...our baby...our Emily.
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Post by strizzy on Jul 30, 2006 5:31:42 GMT 10
Great updates
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Post by lubyfan on Jul 31, 2006 3:38:08 GMT 10
Update soon!
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Post by hollygirl on Jul 31, 2006 14:03:58 GMT 10
Chapter 14: Baby Mine
2 weeks and little change...She is still on the ventilator...but thats to be expected...She held onto my finger last week...I was so happy..right now Luka is sitting with her...talking to her in Croatian. I don't think we have ever been closer than we are right now....It's like we somehow changed being apart...I know for me, living life without him was hard...not being able to see his face everyday...that had to be the worst part....I think I realized how much I truly love him...after we broke up...and even more so when he left....I guess...its true, you really don't know what you have until its gone. And I swear...I am never losing him again.
He is going to be a great father. I am so glad he has experience, It all just hit me...I am a mother....I am responsible for another life...and I am terrified....Luka keeps telling me everything will be fine, that I'll be a great mom...but honestly, I'm not so sure. He asked me if I wanted to move in with him....I mean, he did buy that apartment for us...He wanted me to move in with him then...and I should have, but I didn't..and I don't even know why. But I'm sure I want to, we will raise Emily together....and be a family..something he used to have, something I've always been afraid of having.
I wasn't even sure if I wanted to keep this baby....I didn't want to raise her alone...I didn't want her to be bi-polar...and I still don't want her to be...but I as I thought about it more...I couldn't do that to Luka...or myself...again, I had done that once...and it was the hardest decision I have ever made...but I panicked....and felt it was the only thing I could do. My marriage was falling apart...I was a mess...and I just couldn't....It is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
I see Luka walking toward me...I am walking around...I needed to get out of the NICU for a little while...seeing Emily laying there...is just...too much....he looks happy...he has a big smile on his face...and thats something neither one of has done lately. "hey." he says wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Hey..."
"She pulled on the tube."
"what?"
"She pulled on it..like it was bothering her....Jill says thats a good sign...that if she keeps doing that, they'll try taking it out...Em's been on surfactant for a while...and it has probably helped her lungs quite a bit.." I feel a smile spread on my face, And tears well in my eyes. I grab Luka's hand and lead him back to the NICU. We walk over to Emily who is surrounded by a few people...Jill walks over to us and tells us that she pulled on the tube pretty hard, so they are taking it out. Luka grips my shoulder and we walk closer to the bed, standing over it.
They start pulling it out, and she starts crying. Once its all the way out, her cry grows louder, and louder. Her lungs certainly are more developed. Tears are streaming down my cheeks..and Luka pulls me in for a kiss....ah, his kiss...something else that was hard to live without. We pull apart and look back down at our little girl. Her face is red and she is still wailing.
"Would you like to hold her?" I hear someone ask.
"Yeah.." They pick her up and place her in my arms...Luka puts one arm around my shoulder and his other hand to Emily, she grabs onto his finger, and I gently rock her back and forth...the crys grow softer..and her big blue eyes, close. I feel Luka press his lips to my temple and close me eyes, blinking away a few tears..."I think she likes you." Luka whispers into my ear. And I hope he's right.
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Post by <3 LubyII <3 on Jul 31, 2006 14:14:49 GMT 10
Great updates!!!
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Post by rorygilmore on Jul 31, 2006 15:49:41 GMT 10
AWW Beautiful *sniffs* I'm happy the Em is doing better
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Post by jaana on Jul 31, 2006 16:57:02 GMT 10
Great updates, can't wait for the next one!
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Post by charlieluby on Jul 31, 2006 18:52:48 GMT 10
Awww! Bless lil Em! Such a cute fanfic! I cud picture it!
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Post by lubyfan on Aug 1, 2006 0:46:35 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by Tannii on Aug 1, 2006 10:52:24 GMT 10
Awww, great update! Cant wait for more.
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Post by suzze on Aug 1, 2006 11:09:20 GMT 10
This is the sweetest story ever...I love the way you write. Looking forward to an update real soon. ------------
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Post by hollygirl on Aug 2, 2006 12:00:34 GMT 10
Chapter 15: Home
A week later and Emily is doing great...except she won't eat...Once she can eat, she can come home. I am sitting here with her trying to get her to latch on again...She won't eat from a bottle either....Luka comes back in holding some coffee and smiles as he stands looking down at me trying to coax Emily to eat...."Come on Em...." He puts the coffees down and moves closer to me.
"Here, try moving her this way a little bit..." he says guiding my arms a little lower. His hand moves to mine on the back of her head, bringing her head down up a little...He brushes her cheek and soon she latches on, and begins to feed. I smile in delight and look up to Luka, who is smiling too.
"Luka, shes eating! look at her!"
"I know....I know." He places his hand on my shoulder squeezing it and leaning his face to mine kissing me slowly. She pulls her face away, and looks up toward me and Luka. Her eyes are so big and beautiful, just like his....she looks more like Luka everyday. I hand her to Luka and she yawns big, turning her head so her cheek presses against Luka's chest. She looks extra small in his arms. She can practically fit in one of his hands.
Another week passes and Emily is eating normally and all ready to come home. Luka is taking care of the papers and I am putting her into the carrier. Luka walks back over to me and picks up the carrier and wraps the other arm around my waist leading me out of the NICU. As we make our way through the ER everyone starts to crowd around us, ooing and awing over Emily.
"She is beautiful...and so tiny!"
"Looks just like Luka." Yeah...I thought so. We say our goodbyes and head out the doors to the car. Luka puts her in the back and I climb into the front. I sold my apartment and moved all my stuff to Luka's...but the furniture is in storage...except for my couch...We switched it with Luka's because his sucks...The other day Luka brought me into the nursery and it was all painted and furnished beautifully. It was a soft lilac color which I liked because I'm not big on pink. The furniture was white, and it was just so sweet..I hadn't bought furniture yet...seeing that I wasn't expecting her for a while and I had no money at the time.
Luka is getting Emily out of the car and I am waiting for him. He shuts the back door and we head up the steps, we get to the door and he hands me the carrier so he can unlock it. He opens it and we walk in. I place Emily's carrier on the table and take her out of it. "Ok...so, this is the kitchen." I say spinning slowly so she can see the whole thing. Luka is laughing...but she does look interested, her eyes are open wide and she is looking around.
"This is the living room." I say walking toward the bathroom. "This is the bathroom...." Luka is following behind me shaking his head. "This is mommy and daddy's room, and........this is your room." I tell her as I open the door. I walk over to the crib and lay her down in it. I lean on the bar and Luka comes over and stands behind me. "We could probably fit 10 more baby's in here." He says jokingly...but we probably could...it looks so big with her in it.
Her eyes slowly close and Luka leads me into our bedroom, We fall back onto the bed and just lay there together...."I'm exhausted." I say burying my head into his chest. He kisses the top of my head and breaths in deeply. "Me too...we really haven't gotten that much sleep these past few weeks...and she is sleeping now....so I think now would be a good time for us...to take a little nap."
"Me too."
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