Post by FicWriter on Nov 26, 2008 2:52:23 GMT 10
(Two short ficlets written for the communities Realm of the Muse and Theatrical Muse on Live Journal)
Loyalty
by JD
I wonder sometimes if loyalty to a person extends beyond death. When I married my wife Danijela, we made vows to each other and though I know the words ended with "til death do us part," I still found myself feeling guilty as I started to feel feelings for others that were once hers alone, maybe in some ways I still do.
I know, it's been over fourteen years and I know too that she would want nothing less for me to have the life we always dreamed we would share, but deep inside the guilt remains. I want to have a wife again, a family again, and now with Abby pregnant that seems a certainty, so why then do I still feel like I'm cheating on Danijela?
For over ten years there was no one, and then...slowly at first, I gave myself permission to feel again, to hope for a chance to know again what I'd had then lost. At first I talked about Danijela, about my children, it was easy with Carol, after she left, the wounds seemed so fresh, and I just couldn't anymore. I once again tucked those memories away, out of loyalty to her, to my children, or so I thought.
Maybe that's why things became so hard after that. Why things with Abby failed the first time around. In a way, I look at what came next as a form of punishment, why should I think that I deserved to have what I had with her again? I fell into a series of bad habits that would have disgusted her, and I was sure the man I had been was gone forever. Even as I tried with Sam, I still wasn't ready and so that too had to fail.
But that was then, and now, things feel different, and maybe they are. What I feel for Danijela will always be with me, and this time with Abby I know that's okay. Little by little I'm finding I'm able to share parts of that life with her without feeling like I'm betraying their memories and in many ways it's like welcoming them back.
The End
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Fire
by JD
I remember the smell most of all, the smoke as it tore into lungs already strained from my failed efforts to save my daughter's life. I didn't really think about the danger of it at the time, maybe because I wanted so much to join them all in death. I didn't think about the pain a death by fire would bring, maybe because I couldn't believe anything could hurt worse then the pain I was already feeling.
Eventually the only light in the ruins of the apartment were the fires, small lights in the darkness of night. I remember laying next to the bodies of my family, the dust and smoke stealing my breath from me, and wondering how long it might be before I could once more be with them.
In the end the fire failed to claim me, rescuers working their way through the ruins of our lives found us, found me, and despite my protests they tore me away from my family. They couldn't know that it was death, not life, that I wanted in those moments. They couldn't know that I had been praying for the fire to take me to the place where my wife and children were waiting for me. They only knew that I was alive, I was a survivor amidst the destruction that had claimed the rest.
The End
Loyalty
by JD
I wonder sometimes if loyalty to a person extends beyond death. When I married my wife Danijela, we made vows to each other and though I know the words ended with "til death do us part," I still found myself feeling guilty as I started to feel feelings for others that were once hers alone, maybe in some ways I still do.
I know, it's been over fourteen years and I know too that she would want nothing less for me to have the life we always dreamed we would share, but deep inside the guilt remains. I want to have a wife again, a family again, and now with Abby pregnant that seems a certainty, so why then do I still feel like I'm cheating on Danijela?
For over ten years there was no one, and then...slowly at first, I gave myself permission to feel again, to hope for a chance to know again what I'd had then lost. At first I talked about Danijela, about my children, it was easy with Carol, after she left, the wounds seemed so fresh, and I just couldn't anymore. I once again tucked those memories away, out of loyalty to her, to my children, or so I thought.
Maybe that's why things became so hard after that. Why things with Abby failed the first time around. In a way, I look at what came next as a form of punishment, why should I think that I deserved to have what I had with her again? I fell into a series of bad habits that would have disgusted her, and I was sure the man I had been was gone forever. Even as I tried with Sam, I still wasn't ready and so that too had to fail.
But that was then, and now, things feel different, and maybe they are. What I feel for Danijela will always be with me, and this time with Abby I know that's okay. Little by little I'm finding I'm able to share parts of that life with her without feeling like I'm betraying their memories and in many ways it's like welcoming them back.
The End
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Fire
by JD
I remember the smell most of all, the smoke as it tore into lungs already strained from my failed efforts to save my daughter's life. I didn't really think about the danger of it at the time, maybe because I wanted so much to join them all in death. I didn't think about the pain a death by fire would bring, maybe because I couldn't believe anything could hurt worse then the pain I was already feeling.
Eventually the only light in the ruins of the apartment were the fires, small lights in the darkness of night. I remember laying next to the bodies of my family, the dust and smoke stealing my breath from me, and wondering how long it might be before I could once more be with them.
In the end the fire failed to claim me, rescuers working their way through the ruins of our lives found us, found me, and despite my protests they tore me away from my family. They couldn't know that it was death, not life, that I wanted in those moments. They couldn't know that I had been praying for the fire to take me to the place where my wife and children were waiting for me. They only knew that I was alive, I was a survivor amidst the destruction that had claimed the rest.
The End
