Post by FicWriter on Nov 30, 2008 3:19:43 GMT 10
If Only
(A ficlet written for a Theatrical Muse challenge.)
by JD
If only I had done things differently. It seems like I've spent half my life regretting the choices I've made in it.
If only I had chosen a different career. If only I had moved Danijela and the children out of Vukovar before it was too late. If only I had allowed the children to go with me to the market that day. If only...
How can we not second guess our actions when the worst has happened to us?
If I had told Carol how I really felt about her leaving. If I hadn't reacted the way I did when the mugger attacked us. If I hadn't drank so much. If I had realized what was really wrong with Rick. If I hadn't driven so fast.
It's so easy to see what you should have done after it's too late.
If I hadn't taken the position at County. If I hadn't gone to the Congo. If I hadn't slept with Abby again. If Abby hadn't become pregnant with my child.
I look back now on those things I would once have changed in my life and I realize they're all pieces of what makes me who I am now. As difficult as it is living with them, I know without them I'd be incomplete, and then I would truly be lost.
The End
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Excuse
( a ficlet written in response to the Threatrical Muse challenge "What is the lamest excuse you've ever given for something you've done?")
by JD
There really wasn't any excuse for what I'd done, I think that's what made getting caught that much worse. though if asked, I would have brushed it off to any number of other reasons. I was going through some hard times, drinking too much, barely sleeping, and not really thinking about the consequences to my actions when it happened.
I know, I'm stalling, maybe because now I realize how out of line my actions were. I'd been flirting with a patient's mother, it was harmless at first, no different then what I'd done countless times before except for the fact that we took things to a place they had no business going. I'd ordered labs on the woman's daughter, and while we were waiting for the results we left her alone so that we could act on the feelings the flirting had fueled.
Susan was the one to find us, after the fact but, with no doubt that something had happened. We'd used a supply closet and she was there as we were leaving it. I tried to throw her off by saying I was looking for some x-rays. X-rays? I don't even think I realized how ridiculous it sounded when I said it, I just knew I'd been caught having done something I never should have done.
I can't begin to describe the guilt I felt after the fact, not just with getting caught, not even at having acted unprofessionally with the girl's mother, but at having left the child alone. Compounding it all was that when I did receive the girl's lab results they contained bad news, news the woman then had to break first to her daughter and then by phone, to her husband. I don't know that I've ever felt as low as I did in those moments, but, I do know I never want to feel that way again.
The End
(A ficlet written for a Theatrical Muse challenge.)
by JD
If only I had done things differently. It seems like I've spent half my life regretting the choices I've made in it.
If only I had chosen a different career. If only I had moved Danijela and the children out of Vukovar before it was too late. If only I had allowed the children to go with me to the market that day. If only...
How can we not second guess our actions when the worst has happened to us?
If I had told Carol how I really felt about her leaving. If I hadn't reacted the way I did when the mugger attacked us. If I hadn't drank so much. If I had realized what was really wrong with Rick. If I hadn't driven so fast.
It's so easy to see what you should have done after it's too late.
If I hadn't taken the position at County. If I hadn't gone to the Congo. If I hadn't slept with Abby again. If Abby hadn't become pregnant with my child.
I look back now on those things I would once have changed in my life and I realize they're all pieces of what makes me who I am now. As difficult as it is living with them, I know without them I'd be incomplete, and then I would truly be lost.
The End
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Excuse
( a ficlet written in response to the Threatrical Muse challenge "What is the lamest excuse you've ever given for something you've done?")
by JD
There really wasn't any excuse for what I'd done, I think that's what made getting caught that much worse. though if asked, I would have brushed it off to any number of other reasons. I was going through some hard times, drinking too much, barely sleeping, and not really thinking about the consequences to my actions when it happened.
I know, I'm stalling, maybe because now I realize how out of line my actions were. I'd been flirting with a patient's mother, it was harmless at first, no different then what I'd done countless times before except for the fact that we took things to a place they had no business going. I'd ordered labs on the woman's daughter, and while we were waiting for the results we left her alone so that we could act on the feelings the flirting had fueled.
Susan was the one to find us, after the fact but, with no doubt that something had happened. We'd used a supply closet and she was there as we were leaving it. I tried to throw her off by saying I was looking for some x-rays. X-rays? I don't even think I realized how ridiculous it sounded when I said it, I just knew I'd been caught having done something I never should have done.
I can't begin to describe the guilt I felt after the fact, not just with getting caught, not even at having acted unprofessionally with the girl's mother, but at having left the child alone. Compounding it all was that when I did receive the girl's lab results they contained bad news, news the woman then had to break first to her daughter and then by phone, to her husband. I don't know that I've ever felt as low as I did in those moments, but, I do know I never want to feel that way again.
The End
