Post by Chephren on Apr 9, 2009 23:28:41 GMT 10
Some litlle things I've been writing, quite a long time ago, nothing great as I said, didn't felt that good at the time.
Let's start with Luka's demons. Yes... Again. Good theme I guess.
Oh and, it's the kind of stories in that "should have happened" style you know...
This takes place in Season 7, episode 13 : Thy will be done
"She carefully sneacked into the room, not to awake him. She needed to be with him, to feel him. That evening with Carter has been a little too great. Of course she had to see Richard again, which wasn't that pleasant. But the vandalism part had been so exiting. She felt like she's been flirting with Carter almost the whole night and it didn't seems bad at the time. As they said, Luka wasn't jealous. He never was. But the simple fact they had mentionned him clearly showed that wrong things and maybe feelings were coming at the back of their brains. And that made her sick as soon as she stepped out of the car. She was in front of her appartment then and had to sat down a moment on her steps. Why was it happening now? It's been more than a year and a half since she's been physically alone, more than two emotionnally. And she had that wonderful handsome caring man in her life today. she loved him. Really. But the ache which was consuming him was completly foreign to her. She had no idea how to reach him, how to ease the pain, how to be with him sometimes. talking was usually difficult between them. It wasn't all because of him. Of course not. She was responsible for that issue too. She never felt like talking, not about important things anyway. And when she felt like talking, it had to be " right here, right now " and it usually came when he wasn't able to be here or to listen to her. And there was Carter, he always semmed availaible when she needed to talk. She knew how to be around him, she knew what his problems were like because she had been an addict too. How could her problems rivalised with losing a family, wife, and furthermore, kids... They never talked about it, she knew it because of the hospital gossip. Nothing stays secret for long... She had no more details. He lost his family. Carter was this normal easy guy, she didn't felt selfish with him. God She needed to see him. Luka. Now. She stood up and started heading toward the El, almost running, need for him burning through her body.
So, now she was here, watching him sleep, in his hotel room. She sat on the bed, considering wether to wake him or not. As she just decided against it, he rolled over and his eyes fluttered open. He looked at her with a hint of surprise then smiled.
- Was it nice?
- Yes...
- Good
He put his hand on her cheek
- Then come here now...
He didn't question anything, not even the fact that she was here when she wasn't supposed to. She let him pull her next to him, quickly stripping out of her dress. She snuggled against him, welcoming the warmth from his body. He kissed her tenderly and sighed happily. They stayed silent for about an hour and her voice came as a whisper from his chest.
- I hope you know that if you ever want to, you can talk to me about anything... I want to and I'm ready for it... whatever it is. I just... Just want you to... know it.
As she expected, no answer came, he might been asleep again. She was trying to get back to sleep when she heard him
- I know...
Then he was silent again, and she remembered her previous thoughts about how communication was difficult between the two of them. Enable to sleep, she took his hand and played with his fingers.
- ... What do you want to know?
- I ... huh... I don't know... everything you feel like telling me...
Silence again... But this time, she knew he was awake, the hand she wasn't already holding stroking her back in slow motion.
- I never met her... Her parents lived in our neibourghood. They were friends with my parents, her brother was friend with mine... She was born I was two. So, you know, I've never properly met her. I knew her my whole life. We grew up together, went to the same schools. I was supposed to protect her, something I did very seriously, it was a question of honnor... We were together all the time. I don't remember not being in Love with her... She was my first kiss, my first dance and later my first time. It was like we had to be together you know? Not because of our parents, even if they were thrilled at the idea, but we loved each other with all kind of love. she was like a sister to me, she was my best friend and my lover... Well we married as soon as we could and my daughter came quickly. Sixteen hours of labor for my wife and yet, the most beautiful day of my life. I cried along with the baby when I cut the cord."
He swallowad hard
-Jasna was the most wonderful baby I've ever seen. She had big brown eyes, widely open, and her fists kept opening and closing around my finger, getting stronger and stronger each time. I was completly overwhelmed, I'll never forget the feeling. And you know what people say, that beeing a parent makes you stronger? It's true. You feel it the second you put your eyes on your baby. By the time she was born, we had moved to Vukovar, because of med-school. A few years later, we expected another kid. Pregnancy was harder than the first time. She had to stay in bed for months but she kept saying that everything was fine, that I shouldn't worry and needed to concentrate on my studies. But that was hard you know, taking care of Jasna and going to the hospital for my internship. Her mother helped a lot during that time. I didn't have enough time to come back home for lunch most of the time, so she was there to feed my daughter and look over Danjella. I couldn't have done it alone. When war started to get worse and worse, she wanted to move. She was scared. Marko was a still a baby and Jasna barely a toddler, I should have protect them by leaving town but at the time I just wanted to help my people. You know, I don't know how they do it, you know, make you feel like your country needs you like this, like you have to defend it at all cost. That YOU have the power to change things, to make the country win. And you're willing to fight for your country but you have no idea what it truely means before war is at your door. For three months, Vukovar resisted, but we had not a chance. Then the hospital was full of hurt men, women and kids, I just couldn't leave. A few doctors had already flew away, I just couldn't left them. They were my people, my neighbours... They needed my help. So I stayed. We stayed. I can still remember these people, sitting on what was left from their houses, with no more tears because the fire dried them all, or others desperatly trying to get some food, kids looking for theirs parents, never able to found them again. I remember to feel so sorry for them, and happy that my own family was safe. I really though they were safe. I don't know how I could have believed it. I remembered the first times I saw bodies of soldiers of the federal army, covered in blood, I felt... pride. I was proud that our young army did that. Later, only later I realised that it wasn't just an ennemy, it was an human beeing, a man who could have been me or my brother, that he was fighting for something he believed was right, just like we did. And he lost his life fighting for this, just like we did.
He paused for a moment, the smell of blood, fire and dust a little too real for a second, then he resumed.
- when it happened, when... when they... were... gone... there only I truely realised that it wasn't worth it. We were leaving next to each others, we were neighbours and one day we became ennemies, for a reason I don't even begin to understand. People don't deserve to die for a line on a map and political issues. But they did die. They died everyday, and not only soldiers, people. The real people. Women, babies... And for what? For a name, for a line... Their lives were far more important. And I made my family stay in the middle of that mess. And I don't know how I couldn't blame myself for it. They're dead because of me. Because I didn't protect them. I didn't take care of them. And I asked God for a long time why he saved me, why he didn't let me die with them. I did not understand. But I know it now, I learned that it was my burden, it would have been too easy to die, I have to bear this every day. They're dead because of me.
She stayed silent after he stopped talking, not knowing what to say or feel. Her chest was tight maybe from imagining him going through all of this, maybe from this guilt he was feeling and maybe from the trust he had for her that made him tell her everything. she noticed she had closed her hand tightly around his in a attempt to comfort him, to assure that she was there, right beside him, with no intention of moving. she looked up to see his face. His eyes were lost somewhere on the wall behind her, wet from tears that he didn't allow to fall. When she bought her free hand to rest on his cheek he closed them and the tears almost found their way out but instead they stayed there stucked between his eyelids. She straightened and raised, kissing them away, out of nowhere, not even aware she was going to do it, her hand stroking his cheek as the salty taste of his pain spread on her tongue. She leaned backward, looking at him carefully, as if scared to break him, scared that he would change his mind and take everything back, maybe even go away from this bed, from her. When he finally opened them again she was shocked with what she saw in there. Fear. Retrospective probably but not only. He was scared that she will leave, scared that she won't want to be with someone like him, scared that she had mistaken about who he was and that she wasn't ready to hear all that. Nonetheless, he rolled a few inches on his back, leaving her free to go, to leave his room, leave his life. But leaving this very spot was the last thing on her mind, instead, she propped herself on her elbow and took him against her. he tensed for a second before letting go. He relaxed in her embraced, her skin hot and soft under his face. When after a long moment she finally eased herself back in her bed, she locked her eyes with his. There were no longer tears in them only tenderness and something else she couldn't define. Her voice came as a murmur from deep inside her.
- I so wished I could take all your pain away, erase all this, make you happy again...
He gently grabbed her face with both his hands and kissed her, slowly.
- You are
It was so soft that she wasn't sure she really heard it. Only the beginning of the tinyest of smile make her believe that he really said it. She smiled back at him and they both sighed. Abby put her head on his chest, one of her hand resting on his shirt where his heart was beating steadily.
- Luka ?
- Hum?
- Have you ever been... jealous?
- Huh... No, I don't think so...
- Why? You never got reasons to?
- Sure there have been... situations but I guess that Love is the one thing I can't fight against... So... if you ever fall in Love with anyone that's not me, what could I do about it? I can't protect you from this. So I think jealousy's useless. I guess...
She snuggled closer to him.
- I've never felt safer than when I'm with you Luka
She didn't see the smile spreading on his face but she felt his lips kissing her forehead and his contented sight. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself, she felt good, more than good actually and he had let her enter his private space. Maybe there was a chance, maybe it could work... She hoped it would. As sleep claimed her, Carter's shadow couldn't have been further... and she couldn't give a damn."
The end.
Here is it for the first story
A second one now, Still about Luka's demons mostly
I named it: Happy Aniversary
"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
Awaking in an empty bed was not something unusual for her. It has been on daily basis for years and years and to be truely honnest, awaking NOT alone in a bed wasn't something she liked particularly... at a time. Since then, so many things had changed. Luka has been thrown back in her life and it felt surprisingly wonderful, there was a baby growing inside of her and OK... it has been terrifying at first but now, it was... just overwhelming. All the sensations and feelings that were flowing inside of her. Love mostly. For the little one there, their baby, their son or daughter, and his or her father. Luka. God how she was loving him, she had tried hard to keep this under control for a while, but soon, it was just unbelievable. She has realised that Love was something completly foreign to her. And not only to love but be loved too. And she... loved that. Anyway...
she was in their bed, alone, and the alarm set 4.27 am. As I said, it wasn't something unusual. They sometimes worked different shifts so one of them would be alone home at night. But tonight, she wasn't supposed to be alone. They had both worked the day before and went home together. Went to bed together. That she remembered clearly. Very clearly she thought as a smile spread on her lips as she stirred slowly. She rolled on his side of the bed and almost jumped. It was already cold but still wet with sweat. She frowned and sat on the bed, listening carefully, trying to localise him. The appartment was silent. She waited a few more minutes, maybe he went to the bathroom or something. As he wasn't coming back she went up and put his shirt on, a nightgown to her. Her bare feet made no noise when she walked down the stairs. Mid way to the floor she stopped, seeing him close to the window, in the dark, his right shoulder leaning on the wall. He was looking outside, at least she first believed it until she realised his eyes were lost somewhere no one could see, they were dark and incredibly sad. Then she remembered.
The first time she saw it was when they first dated, many many years ago. At the time she haven't quite understood it. They didn't talk much, he wasn't ready for it and, she had to be honnest, neither was she to hear it. It sounds a little selfish maybe, but she was barely able to keep herself together between Richard jeopardizing her tuitions, her mother calling her whenever she wasn't on her meds to insult her, not to forget her money issues, her studies well... her miserable life. The second time she saw it, they weren't together anymore, weren't really connecting at the least. She was dating Carter and it had been weird with Luka. They didn't talk much and she believed he was angry at her. He had changed a lot, and maybe had she too, but she couldn't recognize the man she had spent so much time with not so long ago. So she really wasn't the one to go and talk to him. After that, she didn't saw it for 2 years. He tried ( and succeded ) to be away at that moment, coming back to work only a few days after, showing nothing, and she has forgotten about it. Completly. She had been a little ashamed last year when she recognized the signs. At the time they had work out their problems, they were friends again, good friends even. she liked the dynamic they had, the way they could work together, the way they joked... But he was with Sam, living with her and Alex and he was very happy to have a family again. She could see it the way he looked at the boy. There was this thing in his eye she couldn't define. They softened and deepened each time he laid them on him. She has assumed then that Sam would be here for him, it wasn't her place afterall... Was it? Well, maybe it was...
And then there was tonight. she saw his eyes closing and then his lips merely starting to move, but no sound escaped his mouth. Her heart broke as she stayed there watching him, respecting this moment. Prayers are made to be private, aren't they? When he stopped, she approched him, making as much sound as she could, not to startle him. She gently touched the bare skin of his back and whipered a low "Hi", as if not to disturb him, before sliding her arms around his waist from behind, her hands resting lightly on his belly, just above the waistband of the boxer he was wearing. She felt him tensed a little but he relaxed soon under her touch.
- "I didn't mean to wake you" he said, his voice low and deep.
- "You didn't. Missing you did" she answered honestly, whispering again.
she kissed the cold skin of his back, just between his shoulder blades. She didn't see him close his eyes and swallow hard at the soft contact of her lips.
- "I wish I could help you"
It wasn't something she intended to say out loud and certainly not something he expected to hear, but yet, as softly as she spoke those words, he did hear them.
- "Help me?"
- "Yeah, through this day... "
She waited for him to move or say something but nothing happened... until she heard him speack again.
- "How have you known? I never told you which day it ... happened..."
- "No, you didn't, but I remember what it does to you."
He sighed deeply and she felt his hands covering hers, still resting on his belly.
As he still didn't turn towards her she decided to leave him alone, maybe he needed privacy to do this. Maybe the best way to help him was to let him mourn by himself. Even if she knew she couldn't go back to sleep knowing he was standing there alone, in pain, but she couldn't stay here either if he didn't want her to be. And as much as it hurted her, she understood that, well, as least she tried the best she could.
She slided her arms back around his body and he let go of her hands a little disppointed, but aware and understanding that is wasn't a place she wanted to be. But then, why her hands on him had felt so right, somehow comforting, somehow not beeing alone made the whole situation easier. When he heard her retreating steps, a sudden and usual wave of panick striked him. He didn't want her to go away. He needed her. within 2 seconds he had catch her and grabbed her arm. He didn't say anything, and he needn't. She saw the silent plead in his eyes, fear threatning to breack him. She pushed gently on his chest and he took a few steps back until he bumped onto the sofa. She pushed him again and he sat on it heavily, not daring to look at her anymore. He felt her hands in his hair and then the soft and warm fabric of his shirt she was wearing. He let her took hold of him, let her rescue him, in every way someone could be rescued. Soon he found himself holding on to her too, like if they were the only two people left in the world... Well... Not exactly two. Three in fact. She kept on stroking his hair and back again and again and he revealed under her touch. She couldn't say how long they stayed this way, could be seconds or minutes but most likely hours since his skin was getting ice cold by now. she held him closer to her while she leaned forward to grab a light cover off the couch. Her hands left his body as she wrapped it around him. It wasn't much but it was at least something. She ignored the feeling of cramping which had started in her legs and upper back, he needed her and he had ask for her, well, sort of, and she had no intention or will to go anywtere else than right where she was. his head has slide slowly just below her breasts, his cheeck resting on the soft bump of her belly.
All of a sudden he looked at her, shocked somehow. One of his hands slide from her back to her belly.
- Wow.
That was all he could say, not much, but yet enough for her to understand precisely what he meant.
- You felt it?
- Yeah... it's so... wow
- It's.. the first time you can feel it too...
- yes, I forgot how amazing it was to feel... this
And right there, as they looked in each others eyes, Luka knew. He loved her. He loved her with his heart and soul and she wasn't only she the second, after Danjella, she was the one. The one he was thinking first thing in the morning, and the one he was dying to be with every night. He loved her. And even on this very particular day, she had make it, she had turn this awful memory into a beautiful one. Turn an aniversary into another one, the day he had felt their child move within her for the very first time. Something he knew he will never, ever, forget."
The end
Well... I should stop
Thanks for reading anyway. You're the best.
Let's start with Luka's demons. Yes... Again. Good theme I guess.
Oh and, it's the kind of stories in that "should have happened" style you know...
This takes place in Season 7, episode 13 : Thy will be done
"She carefully sneacked into the room, not to awake him. She needed to be with him, to feel him. That evening with Carter has been a little too great. Of course she had to see Richard again, which wasn't that pleasant. But the vandalism part had been so exiting. She felt like she's been flirting with Carter almost the whole night and it didn't seems bad at the time. As they said, Luka wasn't jealous. He never was. But the simple fact they had mentionned him clearly showed that wrong things and maybe feelings were coming at the back of their brains. And that made her sick as soon as she stepped out of the car. She was in front of her appartment then and had to sat down a moment on her steps. Why was it happening now? It's been more than a year and a half since she's been physically alone, more than two emotionnally. And she had that wonderful handsome caring man in her life today. she loved him. Really. But the ache which was consuming him was completly foreign to her. She had no idea how to reach him, how to ease the pain, how to be with him sometimes. talking was usually difficult between them. It wasn't all because of him. Of course not. She was responsible for that issue too. She never felt like talking, not about important things anyway. And when she felt like talking, it had to be " right here, right now " and it usually came when he wasn't able to be here or to listen to her. And there was Carter, he always semmed availaible when she needed to talk. She knew how to be around him, she knew what his problems were like because she had been an addict too. How could her problems rivalised with losing a family, wife, and furthermore, kids... They never talked about it, she knew it because of the hospital gossip. Nothing stays secret for long... She had no more details. He lost his family. Carter was this normal easy guy, she didn't felt selfish with him. God She needed to see him. Luka. Now. She stood up and started heading toward the El, almost running, need for him burning through her body.
So, now she was here, watching him sleep, in his hotel room. She sat on the bed, considering wether to wake him or not. As she just decided against it, he rolled over and his eyes fluttered open. He looked at her with a hint of surprise then smiled.
- Was it nice?
- Yes...
- Good
He put his hand on her cheek
- Then come here now...
He didn't question anything, not even the fact that she was here when she wasn't supposed to. She let him pull her next to him, quickly stripping out of her dress. She snuggled against him, welcoming the warmth from his body. He kissed her tenderly and sighed happily. They stayed silent for about an hour and her voice came as a whisper from his chest.
- I hope you know that if you ever want to, you can talk to me about anything... I want to and I'm ready for it... whatever it is. I just... Just want you to... know it.
As she expected, no answer came, he might been asleep again. She was trying to get back to sleep when she heard him
- I know...
Then he was silent again, and she remembered her previous thoughts about how communication was difficult between the two of them. Enable to sleep, she took his hand and played with his fingers.
- ... What do you want to know?
- I ... huh... I don't know... everything you feel like telling me...
Silence again... But this time, she knew he was awake, the hand she wasn't already holding stroking her back in slow motion.
- I never met her... Her parents lived in our neibourghood. They were friends with my parents, her brother was friend with mine... She was born I was two. So, you know, I've never properly met her. I knew her my whole life. We grew up together, went to the same schools. I was supposed to protect her, something I did very seriously, it was a question of honnor... We were together all the time. I don't remember not being in Love with her... She was my first kiss, my first dance and later my first time. It was like we had to be together you know? Not because of our parents, even if they were thrilled at the idea, but we loved each other with all kind of love. she was like a sister to me, she was my best friend and my lover... Well we married as soon as we could and my daughter came quickly. Sixteen hours of labor for my wife and yet, the most beautiful day of my life. I cried along with the baby when I cut the cord."
He swallowad hard
-Jasna was the most wonderful baby I've ever seen. She had big brown eyes, widely open, and her fists kept opening and closing around my finger, getting stronger and stronger each time. I was completly overwhelmed, I'll never forget the feeling. And you know what people say, that beeing a parent makes you stronger? It's true. You feel it the second you put your eyes on your baby. By the time she was born, we had moved to Vukovar, because of med-school. A few years later, we expected another kid. Pregnancy was harder than the first time. She had to stay in bed for months but she kept saying that everything was fine, that I shouldn't worry and needed to concentrate on my studies. But that was hard you know, taking care of Jasna and going to the hospital for my internship. Her mother helped a lot during that time. I didn't have enough time to come back home for lunch most of the time, so she was there to feed my daughter and look over Danjella. I couldn't have done it alone. When war started to get worse and worse, she wanted to move. She was scared. Marko was a still a baby and Jasna barely a toddler, I should have protect them by leaving town but at the time I just wanted to help my people. You know, I don't know how they do it, you know, make you feel like your country needs you like this, like you have to defend it at all cost. That YOU have the power to change things, to make the country win. And you're willing to fight for your country but you have no idea what it truely means before war is at your door. For three months, Vukovar resisted, but we had not a chance. Then the hospital was full of hurt men, women and kids, I just couldn't leave. A few doctors had already flew away, I just couldn't left them. They were my people, my neighbours... They needed my help. So I stayed. We stayed. I can still remember these people, sitting on what was left from their houses, with no more tears because the fire dried them all, or others desperatly trying to get some food, kids looking for theirs parents, never able to found them again. I remember to feel so sorry for them, and happy that my own family was safe. I really though they were safe. I don't know how I could have believed it. I remembered the first times I saw bodies of soldiers of the federal army, covered in blood, I felt... pride. I was proud that our young army did that. Later, only later I realised that it wasn't just an ennemy, it was an human beeing, a man who could have been me or my brother, that he was fighting for something he believed was right, just like we did. And he lost his life fighting for this, just like we did.
He paused for a moment, the smell of blood, fire and dust a little too real for a second, then he resumed.
- when it happened, when... when they... were... gone... there only I truely realised that it wasn't worth it. We were leaving next to each others, we were neighbours and one day we became ennemies, for a reason I don't even begin to understand. People don't deserve to die for a line on a map and political issues. But they did die. They died everyday, and not only soldiers, people. The real people. Women, babies... And for what? For a name, for a line... Their lives were far more important. And I made my family stay in the middle of that mess. And I don't know how I couldn't blame myself for it. They're dead because of me. Because I didn't protect them. I didn't take care of them. And I asked God for a long time why he saved me, why he didn't let me die with them. I did not understand. But I know it now, I learned that it was my burden, it would have been too easy to die, I have to bear this every day. They're dead because of me.
She stayed silent after he stopped talking, not knowing what to say or feel. Her chest was tight maybe from imagining him going through all of this, maybe from this guilt he was feeling and maybe from the trust he had for her that made him tell her everything. she noticed she had closed her hand tightly around his in a attempt to comfort him, to assure that she was there, right beside him, with no intention of moving. she looked up to see his face. His eyes were lost somewhere on the wall behind her, wet from tears that he didn't allow to fall. When she bought her free hand to rest on his cheek he closed them and the tears almost found their way out but instead they stayed there stucked between his eyelids. She straightened and raised, kissing them away, out of nowhere, not even aware she was going to do it, her hand stroking his cheek as the salty taste of his pain spread on her tongue. She leaned backward, looking at him carefully, as if scared to break him, scared that he would change his mind and take everything back, maybe even go away from this bed, from her. When he finally opened them again she was shocked with what she saw in there. Fear. Retrospective probably but not only. He was scared that she will leave, scared that she won't want to be with someone like him, scared that she had mistaken about who he was and that she wasn't ready to hear all that. Nonetheless, he rolled a few inches on his back, leaving her free to go, to leave his room, leave his life. But leaving this very spot was the last thing on her mind, instead, she propped herself on her elbow and took him against her. he tensed for a second before letting go. He relaxed in her embraced, her skin hot and soft under his face. When after a long moment she finally eased herself back in her bed, she locked her eyes with his. There were no longer tears in them only tenderness and something else she couldn't define. Her voice came as a murmur from deep inside her.
- I so wished I could take all your pain away, erase all this, make you happy again...
He gently grabbed her face with both his hands and kissed her, slowly.
- You are
It was so soft that she wasn't sure she really heard it. Only the beginning of the tinyest of smile make her believe that he really said it. She smiled back at him and they both sighed. Abby put her head on his chest, one of her hand resting on his shirt where his heart was beating steadily.
- Luka ?
- Hum?
- Have you ever been... jealous?
- Huh... No, I don't think so...
- Why? You never got reasons to?
- Sure there have been... situations but I guess that Love is the one thing I can't fight against... So... if you ever fall in Love with anyone that's not me, what could I do about it? I can't protect you from this. So I think jealousy's useless. I guess...
She snuggled closer to him.
- I've never felt safer than when I'm with you Luka
She didn't see the smile spreading on his face but she felt his lips kissing her forehead and his contented sight. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself, she felt good, more than good actually and he had let her enter his private space. Maybe there was a chance, maybe it could work... She hoped it would. As sleep claimed her, Carter's shadow couldn't have been further... and she couldn't give a damn."
The end.
Here is it for the first story
A second one now, Still about Luka's demons mostly
I named it: Happy Aniversary
"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
Awaking in an empty bed was not something unusual for her. It has been on daily basis for years and years and to be truely honnest, awaking NOT alone in a bed wasn't something she liked particularly... at a time. Since then, so many things had changed. Luka has been thrown back in her life and it felt surprisingly wonderful, there was a baby growing inside of her and OK... it has been terrifying at first but now, it was... just overwhelming. All the sensations and feelings that were flowing inside of her. Love mostly. For the little one there, their baby, their son or daughter, and his or her father. Luka. God how she was loving him, she had tried hard to keep this under control for a while, but soon, it was just unbelievable. She has realised that Love was something completly foreign to her. And not only to love but be loved too. And she... loved that. Anyway...
she was in their bed, alone, and the alarm set 4.27 am. As I said, it wasn't something unusual. They sometimes worked different shifts so one of them would be alone home at night. But tonight, she wasn't supposed to be alone. They had both worked the day before and went home together. Went to bed together. That she remembered clearly. Very clearly she thought as a smile spread on her lips as she stirred slowly. She rolled on his side of the bed and almost jumped. It was already cold but still wet with sweat. She frowned and sat on the bed, listening carefully, trying to localise him. The appartment was silent. She waited a few more minutes, maybe he went to the bathroom or something. As he wasn't coming back she went up and put his shirt on, a nightgown to her. Her bare feet made no noise when she walked down the stairs. Mid way to the floor she stopped, seeing him close to the window, in the dark, his right shoulder leaning on the wall. He was looking outside, at least she first believed it until she realised his eyes were lost somewhere no one could see, they were dark and incredibly sad. Then she remembered.
The first time she saw it was when they first dated, many many years ago. At the time she haven't quite understood it. They didn't talk much, he wasn't ready for it and, she had to be honnest, neither was she to hear it. It sounds a little selfish maybe, but she was barely able to keep herself together between Richard jeopardizing her tuitions, her mother calling her whenever she wasn't on her meds to insult her, not to forget her money issues, her studies well... her miserable life. The second time she saw it, they weren't together anymore, weren't really connecting at the least. She was dating Carter and it had been weird with Luka. They didn't talk much and she believed he was angry at her. He had changed a lot, and maybe had she too, but she couldn't recognize the man she had spent so much time with not so long ago. So she really wasn't the one to go and talk to him. After that, she didn't saw it for 2 years. He tried ( and succeded ) to be away at that moment, coming back to work only a few days after, showing nothing, and she has forgotten about it. Completly. She had been a little ashamed last year when she recognized the signs. At the time they had work out their problems, they were friends again, good friends even. she liked the dynamic they had, the way they could work together, the way they joked... But he was with Sam, living with her and Alex and he was very happy to have a family again. She could see it the way he looked at the boy. There was this thing in his eye she couldn't define. They softened and deepened each time he laid them on him. She has assumed then that Sam would be here for him, it wasn't her place afterall... Was it? Well, maybe it was...
And then there was tonight. she saw his eyes closing and then his lips merely starting to move, but no sound escaped his mouth. Her heart broke as she stayed there watching him, respecting this moment. Prayers are made to be private, aren't they? When he stopped, she approched him, making as much sound as she could, not to startle him. She gently touched the bare skin of his back and whipered a low "Hi", as if not to disturb him, before sliding her arms around his waist from behind, her hands resting lightly on his belly, just above the waistband of the boxer he was wearing. She felt him tensed a little but he relaxed soon under her touch.
- "I didn't mean to wake you" he said, his voice low and deep.
- "You didn't. Missing you did" she answered honestly, whispering again.
she kissed the cold skin of his back, just between his shoulder blades. She didn't see him close his eyes and swallow hard at the soft contact of her lips.
- "I wish I could help you"
It wasn't something she intended to say out loud and certainly not something he expected to hear, but yet, as softly as she spoke those words, he did hear them.
- "Help me?"
- "Yeah, through this day... "
She waited for him to move or say something but nothing happened... until she heard him speack again.
- "How have you known? I never told you which day it ... happened..."
- "No, you didn't, but I remember what it does to you."
He sighed deeply and she felt his hands covering hers, still resting on his belly.
As he still didn't turn towards her she decided to leave him alone, maybe he needed privacy to do this. Maybe the best way to help him was to let him mourn by himself. Even if she knew she couldn't go back to sleep knowing he was standing there alone, in pain, but she couldn't stay here either if he didn't want her to be. And as much as it hurted her, she understood that, well, as least she tried the best she could.
She slided her arms back around his body and he let go of her hands a little disppointed, but aware and understanding that is wasn't a place she wanted to be. But then, why her hands on him had felt so right, somehow comforting, somehow not beeing alone made the whole situation easier. When he heard her retreating steps, a sudden and usual wave of panick striked him. He didn't want her to go away. He needed her. within 2 seconds he had catch her and grabbed her arm. He didn't say anything, and he needn't. She saw the silent plead in his eyes, fear threatning to breack him. She pushed gently on his chest and he took a few steps back until he bumped onto the sofa. She pushed him again and he sat on it heavily, not daring to look at her anymore. He felt her hands in his hair and then the soft and warm fabric of his shirt she was wearing. He let her took hold of him, let her rescue him, in every way someone could be rescued. Soon he found himself holding on to her too, like if they were the only two people left in the world... Well... Not exactly two. Three in fact. She kept on stroking his hair and back again and again and he revealed under her touch. She couldn't say how long they stayed this way, could be seconds or minutes but most likely hours since his skin was getting ice cold by now. she held him closer to her while she leaned forward to grab a light cover off the couch. Her hands left his body as she wrapped it around him. It wasn't much but it was at least something. She ignored the feeling of cramping which had started in her legs and upper back, he needed her and he had ask for her, well, sort of, and she had no intention or will to go anywtere else than right where she was. his head has slide slowly just below her breasts, his cheeck resting on the soft bump of her belly.
All of a sudden he looked at her, shocked somehow. One of his hands slide from her back to her belly.
- Wow.
That was all he could say, not much, but yet enough for her to understand precisely what he meant.
- You felt it?
- Yeah... it's so... wow
- It's.. the first time you can feel it too...
- yes, I forgot how amazing it was to feel... this
And right there, as they looked in each others eyes, Luka knew. He loved her. He loved her with his heart and soul and she wasn't only she the second, after Danjella, she was the one. The one he was thinking first thing in the morning, and the one he was dying to be with every night. He loved her. And even on this very particular day, she had make it, she had turn this awful memory into a beautiful one. Turn an aniversary into another one, the day he had felt their child move within her for the very first time. Something he knew he will never, ever, forget."
The end
Well... I should stop
Thanks for reading anyway. You're the best.
