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Post by sammiejm on Jul 25, 2006 3:48:01 GMT 10
No, this is not an update, but merely an apology for not updating. I've been manic at work this week, but am hoping to update again in the next day or two.
I think I've worked out where I'm going with this now!
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Post by luby2534 on Jul 25, 2006 7:56:34 GMT 10
I'm sure it will be worth the wait !!
Cant wait !!
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Post by charlieluby on Jul 25, 2006 20:33:27 GMT 10
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Post by sammiejm on Jul 26, 2006 3:43:14 GMT 10
Here's some more...it's a little short, but I hope you like it.
*****
The Longest Night – Abby
I went home on autopilot that night, that awful night, shell shocked, wondering what on earth had happened to us. To Luka and I. I knew that both of us had communication issues; that was obvious to everyone, but screaming and hurling insults in the street? I just couldn’t believe either of us had sunk so low.
As I brushed my teeth and undressed I thought back to the things we’d said, the things I’d said.
You’re married to a ghost?
How could I have been so cruel to him? It was unbelievable, unforgivable. I would have understood completely if Luka chose not to talk to me ever again.
Sure he’d hurt me with his “You’re not that pretty…” comment, but then I had been acting like a complete bitch all evening and I had been spending quite a bit of time with Carter. Not that I wanted Carter, not in a million years could he compare to Luka, but sometimes it was easier to talk to him. Luka had so much pain and sadness in his past that it never seemed right for me to burden him with mine as well. That’s what it felt like, that I was a burden.
I couldn’t see that Luka wanted me to share things with him, couldn’t understand that he wanted to because he loved me. And I was scared to ask him too much about his family because selfishly I didn’t know how I would react to what he told me.
What if he told me he would never love anyone again? What if he told me he wanted to marry me and have children?
Either scenario was a possibility in my mind and neither was something I could cope with. I just wanted the middle ground I suppose, somewhere safe and not too exciting, where I didn’t have to reveal too much of myself to him.
I knew that I loved him, that I’d loved him for a long time. I didn’t know how to tell him and I just couldn’t see why anyone would want to love me back. Nobody had before. My father hadn’t, Maggie had sometimes, Richard hadn’t, so why would anyone else?
I wandered around the apartment for a while, unable to settle. I couldn’t relax and a couple of times I found myself lifting the phone and starting to dial Luka’s number.
To say what, exactly?
I didn’t know. Each time I stopped halfway through and slammed the receiver down, lighting up a cigarette to calm my emotions. They didn’t even work this time.
Finally there was no other option than to go to bed. I had a shift at eight the next morning and it was way past midnight now. I pulled back the sheets and slid into my cold, lonely bed, longing for Luka to be next to me, for his arms around me. I lay down and pulled the covers closely around me, trying to simulate the warmth of another body next to mine. As I did so tears began to slide down my cheeks. I let them fall, it didn’t matter; there was no one here to see them.
*****
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Post by luby2534 on Jul 26, 2006 4:44:52 GMT 10
Please pass me the tissues.
Great chapter.
Please update soon
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Post by charlieluby on Jul 26, 2006 4:58:37 GMT 10
Please update! i hope they reconnect again soon!
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Andie
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 325
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Post by Andie on Jul 26, 2006 5:17:35 GMT 10
Very nice update!!!!
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Post by lubyfan on Jul 26, 2006 19:45:34 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by zelda on Jul 27, 2006 6:26:07 GMT 10
This is a very intense and heartbreaking passage but I am HAPPY reading it. I have never accepted the "you are married to a ghost " line. Abby could be confused and wounded, she has NEVER been crual with Luka, she has always respected him with his past and his burden. I like your description of her inner feelings. For me, she could only react like this. Thank you for this beautiful passage.....whatever happens next.
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Post by *Natalie* on Jul 29, 2006 5:40:24 GMT 10
Just caught up on the chapters i missed while on holiday and loving this! Cant wait to see Luka's side of after the fight
natalie x
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Post by kirstin on Jul 30, 2006 3:38:30 GMT 10
I'm on holiday in Turkey right now (Abby was right - the coffee sucks) but you've brightened my day up a little bit!
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