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Post by zelda on Jul 12, 2006 22:32:02 GMT 10
I really enjoyed the medical part. The everyday life in the ER is very realistic. And it's sweet to see how slowly Abby and Luka interact and take their time... A special thanks to show us Carol and Doug being soulmates. I was a bit apprehensive.
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Post by <3 LubyII <3 on Jul 12, 2006 22:40:13 GMT 10
Loved the updates!!
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Post by les400coups on Jul 12, 2006 22:47:08 GMT 10
awesome update !! these luby interactions are great !! Addicted, i'm definitely getting addicted !! update soon !!
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Post by strizzy on Jul 13, 2006 5:54:03 GMT 10
Great update!!
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rnintraining513
Duchess of Luby
"I don't need a ring or a white dress to tell you how much I love you."
Posts: 322
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Post by rnintraining513 on Jul 13, 2006 7:19:29 GMT 10
Chapter 20: “The Hardest Part”
The intense, throbbing pain in Abby’s ankle almost disappeared when she looked down at Evelyn’s test results. At that moment, her problems were nothing compared to Evelyn’s. Luka had been right, the extremely high white blood cell count had been indicative of a serious problem. Evelyn had cancer, leukemia and it wasn’t looking good.
Abby put Evelyn’s chart under her arm and slowly pushed her achy body out of the wheelchair. She grimaced in pain as she took a few steps forward. When she saw Dr. Weaver walking from one of the trauma rooms, Abby attempted to quicken her pace to catch up to her. “Dr. Weaver!” She called out as she hobbled quickly until she was standing next to her. Dr. Weaver turned and looked down at Abby’s leg. “Dr. Lockhart,” she started. “What happened?” Abby shook her head and laughed. “Nothing really,” she answered. Instantly, she began to feel a little bit guilty because she knew that was a lie. Something had happened and she felt it. Her ankle may have been injured, but her heart was a completely different story. “I just slipped when I got off of the elevator,” Abby added. “They must have just mopped the floor or something.” Dr. Weaver narrowed her eyes and nodded curiously. “Did your x-ray come back clean?” She asked. Abby hesitated. “I didn’t get an x-ray,” she said. “I’m fine, Dr. Weaver, really.”
Abby handed Dr. Weaver Evelyn’s chart and as Kerry looked down and read the results, she instantly stopped walking. “I’ll be damned,” she mumbled. “Dr. Kovac was right.” Abby nodded her head. “I know,” she said. “Should I call oncology for a consult?” Dr. Weaver nodded her head. “Yes,” she said. “Then find Dr. Kovac. I’m sure he’ll want to see this.” “Okay,” Abby said. Of course Abby was going to find Luka. She knew she wouldn’t be able to do this without him. As Abby turned to walk away, Dr. Weaver called out to her. “Abby,” she said. “Get a walking shoe for your ankle. It will be a lot more comfortable.” Once she hung up the phone with the oncology department, Abby spotted Dr Kovac heading towards the suture room. “Luka!” she called out as she hobbled in his direction. He turned and walked towards her so that she didn’t have to walk the entire distance. “How is your ankle?” He asked as he gently touched her on the arm. She looked down at her foot and smiled. “It’s fine,” she lied. “It feels a little better.” Luka smiled back at her. “You are such a bad liar,” he said with a laugh. Abby laughed too. She had only known Luka for a few weeks, and already he knew her so well. “My foot is the least of my problems,” Abby added, her face growing serious once again. She held out Evelyn’s chart for Luka to see. She watched as his eyes narrowed as he carefully read each and every word on the page before him. He didn’t say a word when he looked back up at Abby, instead, he waited for her to speak. “I promised her that she’d be okay, Luka,” she said. “How am I going to tell her that she only has a few months to live?” Luka turned his head to the side and looked down at Abby. He took a step towards her and sighed. He reached out his hand and Abby turned her face in the direction of his cupped hand. A moment before his hand touched her face, Carter walked down the hallway. “Uh, sorry guys,” He said, quickly stopped in his place and turning away quickly. Abby stepped back and crossed her arms and Luka shoved his hands into his pockets. “Sorry for what?” Abby said with a smile. “We were just talking about a patient.” Carter nodded and took a few steps towards them. “Right,” he said with a slight smile.
Luka left with Carter to help him with a patient and Abby walked towards the curtain where Evelyn was resting. She slowly opened the curtain and peeped her head in to find the young girl sleeping, her grandfather’s hand in her own. Abby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She stepped back and let the curtain close once again. “I can’t do this,” she mumbled to herself. Just then, she felt the gentle touch of a hand on her shoulder and a strong, deep, voice sound next to her ear. “Yes, you can, Abby,” Luka whispered to her. She closed her eyes and let his voice comfort her. “She knew she had a serious problem or else she wouldn’t have come here,” he said. “She isn’t expecting you to come in there and tell her that she is A-okay.” Abby sighed and turned around to face him. “No,” she began. “But she isn’t expecting me to walk in there and tell her that she is dying either.” Luka mimicked Abby’s sigh and smiled at her softly. “When I decided to become a doctor, I didn’t expect it to be….like this,” she said. “When I was a nurse, I was the one who comforted the people who got the bad news. I was the one who helped them accept it. I wasn’t the barer of the bad news.” Luka folded his arms across his chest. “That’s the hardest part,” he said. Abby looked up at him and his eyes met hers. “As an ER doctor, you see so much trauma, so much violence, so much death each and everyday, but it’s moment’s like these…when you have to tell someone there is nothing more you can do for them that are the most difficult. As doctors, we want to be able to help, to fix, to treat, to cure them. When we can’t, especially in cases like these, where we see someone so much like ourselves in the patient, it becomes almost impossible. It’s like we are telling ourselves their news.” Abby nodded her head in agreement. “It’s like we’ve failed them and ourselves,” she said. “It’s two times as hard.”
Abby and Luka stood there silently for a few moments. Abby looked down and let the feeling of Luka’s presence warm her. She wasn’t looking forward to telling Evelyn the news, but knowing that Luka supported her meant a lot more to her then she had previously realized. Somehow, standing there with him made her feel stronger and safe. She liked that feeling. It wasn’t a feeling she had known much in her life, so she welcomed it with open arms. Abby stuffed her hands into her pockets and looked up at Luka. When his soft eyes met hers, she smiled. “Everything will be alright, Abby,” Luka said. She took one last look at him before she turned to walk through the curtain where Evelyn was resting and for the first time in as long as she could remember, she actually believed that she would be alright.
"The Road I'm On"
She said life's a lot to think about sometimes When you're living in between the lines And all the stars they sparkle and shine everyday
He said life's so hard to move in sometimes When it feels like I'm towin' the line And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way
I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone That's the same road, the same road that I am on
He said life's a lot to think about sometimes When you keep it all between the lines Of everything I want and I want to find, one of these days
What you thought was real in life somehow steered you wrong Now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find out where you belong
I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone That's the same road, that same road that I am on
What you thought was real in life somehow steered you wrong Now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find out where you belong
I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone That's the same road, that same road that I am on
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Post by hollygirl on Jul 13, 2006 7:27:33 GMT 10
I love your fic alot!!! please update sooooon!
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Post by strizzy on Jul 13, 2006 8:17:41 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by <3 LubyII <3 on Jul 13, 2006 13:42:30 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by zelda on Jul 14, 2006 2:02:55 GMT 10
What is brilliant in this chapter is that the principal character is Evelyn, the ER patient, with her fears. Luka and Abby, here, are only shown as doctors, whose words are going to change a person's life for ever. This is very emotional.
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rnintraining513
Duchess of Luby
"I don't need a ring or a white dress to tell you how much I love you."
Posts: 322
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Post by rnintraining513 on Jul 14, 2006 4:28:00 GMT 10
Chapter 21: “Stand, Climb and Fall”
Abby stuffed a chocolate chip cookie in her mouth as she scribbled her signature at the bottom of one of the many charts piled before her. “These are good,” she said to Lucy with her mouth full. She held up the container and held them in Lucy’s direction. Lucy shook her head. “I know,” she said. “But I can’t eat anymore. I’ve had like 6 already.” Abby laughed. “I’ve had about 10 and I’m still going strong!” Abby said as she grabbed another cookie from the Tupperware container. “This is all I’ve eaten in about…12 hours!”
Abby glanced down at the chart in her hand as she took another bite of her cookie. She smiled to herself. A pregnant woman with server nausea and vomiting, this she could handle. Abby tapped lightly on the door and then walked in. She smiled politely at the woman and the young man sitting next to her. Their faces were warm, but also frightened. “Hi, there,” Abby said. “My name is Dr. Lockhart. What seems to be the problem?” The woman glanced over at her husband and he scratched his head before he began to speak. “She’s been vomiting and nauseous for about 5 days now,” the young man said. “We thought maybe it was just a bug or something, but she hasn’t been getting any better.” Abby nodded her head. “And are you her husband?” She asked. The young man nodded. “My name is Dave, Dave Murrows,” he said with a smile. “Nice to meet you,” Abby said with a smile and then she looked back down at the chart.
“How far along are you, Mrs. Murrows?” Abby asked with a kind smile. The woman smiled back shyly. “It will be five months tomorrow,” she answered. Abby nodded. “Any fever, lightheadedness, spotting?” Abby asked. Both Mr. and Mrs. Murrows shook their head. “At first we thought it might just be morning sickness, but we’ve already been through that stage early on in the pregnancy,” Mr. Murrows said with a smile as he squeezed his wife’s hand. Abby watched them closely as they looked at each other. They couldn’t have been any older then 22 or 23 years old, but they looked so happy and so sure of themselves. At that moment, Abby was jealous of their security and happiness. She wished she’d been that sure when she was pregnant. She hoped she’d get to that point one day. One day, she had to keep hoping.
As she scribbled down a few notes onto the patient’s chart, Abby glanced up at Mr. and Mrs. Murrows who were watching her every move like a hawk. They looked so frightened that she wanted to sit down beside them, grab both of their hands and tell them that everything was going to be okay. “You are a doctor now,” Abby thought to herself. “Stop thinking like a nurse.” She wondered if she’d ever be able to escape the nurse’s instinct that she carried with her each and every day. “Is this your first?” Abby asked, pretty sure that she already knew her answer. “Yes,” Mrs. Murrows answered. “We are having a little girl.” Abby smiled at them as she put her pen into her pocket and removed her stethoscope from around her neck. “Take a deep breath in for me,” Abby said. “Good. Now, just relax.” Mrs. Murrows sighed and leaned her head back against the pillow behind her head. “It may just be a stomach virus,” Abby began. “We’ll run a few blood tests to know for sure.” Abby picked up the chart and headed towards the door. “Someone will be in to draw some blood in a minute. Just sit tight,” she said with a pleasant smile. They young couple smiled back at her. “Thank you, Dr. Lockhart,” Mr. Murrows said. “These two ladies are my life. I’m glad to know that they are in good hands.” Abby nodded her head at them before she walked out the door. “It’s my pleasure,” she answered.
As Abby walked back to the desk, a smile came across her face. What could she say? It was just “one of those days.” Days like these were few and far between. For once, it seemed, Abby had woken up on the right side of the bed instead of the wrong one. Thus far, her day had been relaxing and uncomplicated. All of her patients only had minor problems and ones that she was familiar with. Every one of them had walked back out of the ER with a good diagnosis and a script for an antibiotic. As Abby picked up the chart of her next patient, she intended to keep things that way. What Abby didn’t realize, that was these days were few and far between for a reason. As quickly as they came, they left just that fast.
The sound of Dr. Weaver’s voice hit Abby like a knife in her back. She had seen her evil instructor hobbling down the hallway, making her way to the her next, poor, unsuspecting medical student victim. Abby had tried to grab her next chart quickly and get out of Dr. Weaver’s line of sight, but she had failed…miserably. “Dr. Lockhart!” Dr. Weaver called out from down the hallway. Abby stopped in her tracks and sighed. She gave her eyes one sarcastic and exhausted roll before she spun around. It was only a fraction of a second before Dr. Weaver was standing before her. “Can I have a word with you, Abby?” Kerry asked. Abby nodded her head and folded her arms across her chest, pinning the chart close to her body. It was then that Abby realized just how uncomfortable and nervous Dr. Weaver made her feel. She was like that intimidating clinical instructor in nursing school who stood directly behind you and breathed her warm, stinky breath down your back as she tried to give a frail, elderly woman her morning dose of insulin. Just her presence in the room made you so scared that your hands started shaking and your mouth grew dry as you stood next to your patient. Sure, you knew that you were supposed to draw up the clear insulin into the needle before the cloudy insulin. You had written it on your arm for the first 3 weeks of clinical just in case your creepy instructor decided to let you give your first insulin injection. But today, there was no time to lift up your sleeve and take a peak. As she stands beside you, your mind goes blank and you forget everything you had ever learned for the past two years in the classroom. That was what Dr. Weaver did to Abby. Once she’d finished nursing school, Abby thought she’d felt that way for the last time. Boy, was she wrong.
“Maybe we can speak in private,” Dr. Weaver said as she began to walk in the direction of the suture room. Abby narrowed her eyes curiously and then reluctantly follow Dr. Weaver. “Is something wrong?” Abby asked as she stopped a few feet away from Kerry. When she saw the look on Dr. Weaver’s face, Abby stumbled backwards and pressed her back against the wall behind her. “Did something happen to my mother?” Abby asked. “My brother?” Abby felt her voice growing shaky as she spoke to Dr. Weaver. Instead, the doctor shook her head. “No, Abby,” she began. “It’s not that.” Abby crossed her arms once again as she waited for Dr. Weaver to continue speaking. “Well then, what’s wrong?” Abby asked. Dr. Weaver sighed and then looked back up at Abby. “Abby, I got a call from the financial aid office and they told me that you are behind on your tuition payments,” she said. “They say that you haven’t paid tuition in almost three months.” Abby let out a slight laugh and shook her head. “My divorce was just finalized,” Abby began. “My ex-husband and I haven’t exactly been on speaking terms, so I’m sure it just slipped his mind.” As she spoke those words to Dr. Weaver, Abby began to feel the doubt creeping up on herself. “Richard, you bastard!” She thought to herself. “What the hell are you doing?”
Abby sighed and adjusted her stethoscope around her neck. “I’ll take care of it, Kerry,” Abby said, her voice becoming frustrated. “I’ll talk to Richard and sort it out.” From the corner of her eye, Abby saw Carol standing at the end of the hallway. She turned to face her and waited for her to speak. “Abby, your old man in sutures is getting cranky,” Carol said. “I think he may need a sedative.” “Okay, I’ll be right there,” Abby said, turning back to Dr. Weaver. “I’ll take care of it,” Abby repeated as she began to walk away.
Abby reached the desk and grabbed the old man’s chart and a pair of gloves from the box on the cart. “Dr. Lockhart, I’m not finished,” Dr. Weaver called out as she hobbled closer to Abby. Abby stopped and turned around. “My patient needs me, Kerry,” Abby said disgusted. Abby watched as Dr. Weaver looked around the room. “Dr. Kovac,” she called out. As she spoke, Abby spun around and looked over at Luka. He glanced at her for a moment and then looked back at Dr. Weaver. “Take Abby’s patient,” she said. Abby’s jaw dropped and she turned back around and glared at Dr. Weaver. “What?” Abby demanded. “Just because I’m a little behind on my tuition payments doesn’t make me no longer qualified to see patients.” Dr. Weaver sighed and put her hand on her hip. “Abby, this is why I wanted to speak to you in private. I don’t want to cause a scene.” Abby rolled her eyes. “I think it’s too late for that!” She said.
Once again, Dr. Weaver turned in Luka’s direction. “Luka, come take this chart for Abby and go tend to this patient,” Kerry said. Luka stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. Abby let out a groan of disbelief. “Are you saying that I’m not allowed to see patients?” Abby asked. Dr. Weaver took a few steps towards Abby and lowered the volume of her voice slightly. “Abby, it’s not up to me, but the hospital will not allow you to practice medicine without having paid your tuition payments,” she said. Abby shook her head and she gripped the chart tightly in her clenched fingers. “So what do you want me to do? Sit behind a desk and do paperwork for a few days until I get this all sorted out?” Abby asked as she quickly tore off her rubber gloves and tossed them in a nearby trash can. “Is that what I’m supposed to do?” Dr. Weaver sighed. “I’m sorry, Abby,” she began. “But the hospital will not longer allow you to see patients as a medical student.” Abby narrowed her eyes. “So, what exactly are you saying?” She asked. “That I’m no longer in the program?”
Abby let out a laugh of disbelief as she stood next to the receptionist desk. When Dr. Weaver didn’t speak, Abby felt her heart drop. “They kicked me out of the program?” Abby asked once again, her voice beginning to crack. “I’m sorry, Abby,” Dr. Weaver repeated. “I really and truly am, but it’s out of my hands.” Abby banged her head against the desk. “Oh, okay,” Abby groaned. “Okay, fine.” Dr. Weaver took a step towards Abby, but she simply turned away. “I’m sure once you get your financial situation sorted out, you’ll be able to get back into the program. Maybe even next term,” Dr. Weaver encouraged. Abby let out a sarcastic laugh and spun back around. “So, what do I do until then?” Abby asked. “Go back to OB as a part time nurse?” Dr. Weaver shook her head. “I’m sure we’d be able to work something out to have you moved down to the ER until you get back on your feet,” Kerry said. Abby closed her eyes and let out a puff of hot air from her spinning head. “I’ve been demoted to nurse!” Abby yelled, slapping herself in the thigh once again. “That’s just great!”
At that moment, Abby wanted to yell, scream and throw things, but she decided to be stronger then that. “Don’t let them see you cry,” Abby thought to herself. “Don’t let them break you.” Without a word, Abby tore off her white lab coat and scrunched it in her hands. Then, she threw it to the floor as hard as she could and spun around. She grabbed the elderly man’s chart from where she had placed it on the table and walked towards Luka. Then she held out her arms and pushed it into his chest. “He’s your patient now, Dr. Kovac,” Abby said as she looked up at Luka. Her eyes began to burn and fill with tears, and she forced herself to turn away before he could see them. Luka reached out to touch her arm, but Abby pulled away. “Just don’t bother,” she mumbled and with that, she turned and walked out of the ER.
STANLEY CLIMBFALL quiet seems like an honest world you're begging for the beggars' bread when the money's out stand, climb, and fall you carry the world can't carry your own
when the world is falling down and another breaks and another falls for losers always make the winners' day
stand, climb, and fall you carry the weight can't carry it all
are you falling are you faking are you healing are you breaking am I burning am I only melting these diamonds in the making
and I'm at the end of myself anything you want and nothing seems to satisfy me take anything you want
quiet a sound you know so well you're living just to make it through another day stand, climb, and fall you carry the world can't carry your own
are you falling are you faking are you healing are you breaking am I burning am I only melting these diamonds in the making
and I'm at the end of myself anything you want and nothing seems to satisfy me take anything you want take anything you want take anything you want
quiet
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Post by strizzy on Jul 14, 2006 4:36:16 GMT 10
Great update!!!
Poor Abby
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Post by anna982 on Jul 14, 2006 4:57:09 GMT 10
[glow=red,2,300]Update update update[/glow]
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Post by hollygirl on Jul 14, 2006 5:22:23 GMT 10
aw. Poor Abby..stupid Richard, not paying tuition. Update soon!!!
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rnintraining513
Duchess of Luby
"I don't need a ring or a white dress to tell you how much I love you."
Posts: 322
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Post by rnintraining513 on Jul 14, 2006 7:33:52 GMT 10
Chapter 22: “Without” Pure anger and rage welled in Abby’s chest as she stormed out of the doors of County’s ER. She had been so angry that she hadn’t even taken the time to grab her bag from inside of her locker. Luckily, her key’s had been in the pocket of her pants, so she could at least go home and crash. But the truth was, Abby didn’t want to go home and crash. As a matter of fact, when she thought about home, she felt nothing but sadness and loneliness. She had been living alone in her new, tiny apartment for a little over a month, yet nothing about it made her feel at home. During the last few weeks, she hadn’t really accumulated any additional furniture with the exception of a coffee pot and a microwave, but witch were essential to her daily survival. Other then that, the apartment was plain and drafty and just about as far from “home” as Abby could have ever imagined. But then again, where was home?
As she walked quickly towards the train station, Abby thought about the many, many places she had called “home” in her lifetime. When she was a little girl, Abby remembered living in a great number of different cities and states all over the country. Most times, her mother would slip off into a great depression and move she and Eric to some remote location to escape whatever internal conflict she was too afraid to face. By the time she was 12, Abby had already changed schools eight times. As a result, making friends was never easy for her. It seemed as if as soon as she began to get comfortable in one school or one city, Maggie would slip further down the ladder and ship them off to some new, unknown location. Abby grew tired of goodbyes and of getting hurt, so instead, she became completely withdrawn from the normal would. Her life consisted of school, studying, and basically taking care of her mother and younger brother. While most little girls enjoyed spending time in their room with their friends, playing Barbie’s and house, Abby would lock herself in her room and study. She never hung pictures or posters on her wall because soon enough, it wouldn’t be her wall anymore. Once she reached high school, Abby had already decided that she wanted to become a doctor. She knew that entering the medical field would be her only way out of this horrible life. She began to accept that she couldn’t fix her mother, or her brother, but maybe, just maybe by fixing others, she would be able to begin to fix herself.
Richard had been charming from the very beginning. He wasn’t a jock or the sexy lead singer of a rock band or anything, but he was still special enough to be noticed. And most importantly, he noticed Abby. When things at home got so tough for her, it was always Richard who brightened her day. Once they started dating, things got seriously pretty quickly. He promised her a lavish life, living in Chicago together as doctors. Richard’s family was far from rich, but they definitely had a lot more money then Abby’s family did. They both worked extremely hard to get scholarships to Penn State University. It was a state school, so they knew that by living in Pennsylvania, they would have a more affordable tuition. So, being realistic, marriage seemed like the perfect solution. “Let’s get married,” Richard had said one day. He said it so casually that Abby had to ask him to repeat his statement. “Let’s get married, Abby,” he repeated. “It’s the only way we’ll get to be together. No one can tear up apart. We can move away, get a little place and go to school together. Then, nothing will be able to stop us.”
Abby hadn’t taken much time to thing about her decision. At 17, getting away from Maggie and going to college with someone who loved you seemed like the perfect solution to all of life’s problems. Why not? So, two days after Abby’s 18th birthday, she and Richard were married before a state judge. Of course, it hadn’t been the fairytale wedding that every normal little girl dreams of growing up, but then again, Abby wasn’t a normal, every day girl. Her life had been far from normal in every aspect. Her father left when she was just a little girl, right after Eric was born. She was so young that if she were to see him on the street, she wouldn’t even know he was her father. Growing up, Abby didn’t miss him much, in fact, she never had the time to really miss him. She was always too busy caring for her mother and brother to even think about her father. She would think about him, sometimes, after Maggie had one of her episodes, or after they’d moved from one crappy motel to the next. It was then, in the quiet of the night that Abby would think about him. Sometimes she would see him in her dreams, tall and handsome. He would push her on a swing and read her bed time stories. Everyone was always so much happier when he was there. Her dreams were full of the wonderful man she imagined. Everything about him was so clear, his kindness, his beauty, and his love for his family. Everything was clear, except for his face. In her dreams, Abby could see the color of his light brown hair, and she could smell the fresh, minty aroma of his after-shave, but when she went to look into his eyes, there was nothing there but a fuzzy haze.
Sometimes, she would sit in front of the mirror and look at herself. She would pinpoint the features she had of her mother’s and those which she couldn’t recognize. There were three things about her that really stood out, features that she didn’t see when she looked at Maggie and Eric. Abby noticed her eyes were smaller, more narrow and almond shaped then the eyes of her mother and brother. And her mouth, the way it curved and pouted was definitely not that of her mother’s. But the thing about Abby that stuck out most was how different she was emotionally and mentally. Her mother was weak, frail, confused, the victim of the torment of bi-polar disorder. For years, Abby had feared that she would fall to the same fate as her mother, victim to that god-awful disease. When she began to the familiar symptoms in her younger brother, Abby felt more and more doomed. But then she remembered the man in her dreams, her father, the better half of her genetic make-up. Even though he had abandoned his family, Abby found it easier to love and admire him then she did her own mother. After all, it had to have been Maggie’s illness that drove him away. He couldn’t have possibly wanted to leave his children. Maybe he found there was no other choice. That was what Abby had done when she decided to get married and go away to school. She was running away too, so in that sense, she and her father were alike. He had given her more then just almond-shaped eyes and a wry smile, he had taught her how to run away. But of all of these things, he had given her sanity in his strong, normal, un-diseased genes. Even though he had never been a part of her life, he had given her the most valuable gift she had ever received.
In Richard, Abby saw the only other normal man she had ever loved in her entire life. She felt connected to him for reasons that remained unknown, even to herself. With him, she felt safe, and secure. He was a constant in her life when nothing else was. When they got married and rented a one-bedroom apartment nearby the Penn State campus, Abby felt at home. For the first time in her life, she went to bed at night knowing that tomorrow, she would be sleeping in that same bed once again. For Abby, that had been enough.
Now here she was, alone once again. Nothing was constant anymore. Her made-up fairytale life had been one, big, scam. Richard had been the one person she had ever, truly trusted. She opened her heart to him and shared with him a piece of herself that no one had ever seen before. She had wanted to believe it would last forever, but deep in her heart, she knew she was wrong. As she looked back on the last 30 years of her life, Abby realized that a house doesn’t make a home and that you can’t make someone something that their not. Her whole life it seemed, was one, big illusion and she was stuck in the middle, spinning around and around, only to be thrown off at the last second, and left battered and broken. For Abby Lockhart, life wasn’t about being happy or falling in love. To Abby, those letters just formed meaningless words. As she walked down the street towards her old apartment building, she realized that she had been wrong all along. A house was not a home without happiness and love. As she stood on the steps outside of her old building, tears began to well in her eyes. How had she survived this long without feeling happiness or love? She didn’t even know how to be happy or how to love. With that, she broke down, and slipped further down the slippery, sliding ladder. That she was sure, was something she had learned from her mother.
“A Home” Dixie Chicks
I mistook the warnings for wisdom From so called friends quick to advise Though your touch was telling me otherwise Somehow I saw you as a weakness I thought I had to be strong Oh but I was just young, I was scared, I was wrong
Not a night goes by I don't dream of wandering Through the home that might have been And I listened to my pride When my heart cried out for you Now every day I wake again In a house that might have been A home
Guess I did what I did believing That love is a dangerous thing Oh but that couldn't hurt anymore than never knowing
Not a night goes by I don't dream of wandering Through the home that might have been And I listened to my pride When my heart cried out for you Now every day I wake again In a house that might have been A home A home
Four walls, a roof, a door, some windows Just a place to run when my working day is through They say home is where the heart is If the exception proves the rule I guess that's true
Not a night goes by I don't dream of wandering Through the home that might have been And I listened to my pride When my heart cried out for you Now every day I wake again In a house that might have been A home A home
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Post by lubyfan on Jul 14, 2006 7:35:59 GMT 10
Love it!
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