ok you lovely Luby lot. it's been really great writing this fic, thankyou for all your comments.
i hope you've enjoyed reading as much as i've enjoyed writing. here is the final part of my story....
enjoy!!
***
Chapter 9
Found
She sat upright on the sofa chair, the chair designed specifically to lie back on. Lying back and pouring your heart out. She refused to lie back, sitting up ready to run made her feel like she had at least a tiny bit of control as she reluctantly talked through her thoughts and feelings with the psychiatrist. He was a nice enough guy, but she couldn’t help but resent him, no matter how much the sessions were helping. The truth was she needed him too much, and it made her angry.
“Ok, so you’ve been in your new job for three weeks now. How do you think it’s going?”
She shook her head, looking down at her hands that she couldn’t keep still.
“it’s a crappy job.”
The therapist nodded slowly, waiting for her to continue. A minute of silence passed before he sighed and stood up from his desk, moving to sit in the chair facing Abby.
“have you given any more thought to what I suggested last week?”
She looked up at him angrily. “no. I told you, I don’t need antidepressants...” he continued to stare at her and she squirmed under his glare.
“Abby, you’re still not sleeping or eating properly and by the sound of the moods you’ve told me about I’d say you’re suffering from mild depression.” She stood up then, throwing her hands up in annoyance, wanting him to stop talking.
“well maybe I am!” she looked away from him and began to pace the room. “look I’ve seen my mother through her stages of depression, and I’ve seen her on her meds. She’s one hundred times worse than this...”
“your mother suffers from bipolar depression Abby, what you’re experiencing is nothing like that. And you’re right, no where near as extreme, but a low dosage of anti-depressants might be exactly what you need.”
“no! ok, I’m talking to you every week which, no offence, I’d really rather not be doing. I’m exercising every day, spending time with my son and husband; I’m getting enough vitamins even if I’m not eating that much. I’m not suicidal or immobilized, I don’t need medication!” she stared at the therapist, forcing him to sigh in defeat and return to the chair behind his desk.
“ok. But if things get worse, tell me.”
She nodded and eventually sat back down.
“have you thought any more about returning to hospital work at some point? It doesn’t have to be soon...”
“I think about it every day...but I still don’t feel ready. I’m not sure if I ever will...You got any pills for that?” She glared at the doctor and he smiled sadly back at her.
“it will take time.”
She looked down at her hands again, her shoulders slumped in resignation. “yeah. I know.”
***
Luka walked into the bedroom after a long day at county. Since Abby had been at home she’d waited up for him every night, no matter how late his shift ended. At first she’d stayed in Joe’s room, watching him sleep, finding being alone in a room upsetting, and the idea of her son being alone as he slept even more upsetting. But recently she’d gained the confidence to stay in their bedroom and read until he returned. The light still stayed on, and the music still played softly, but they both knew that her ability to stay in a room by herself without panicking was a big step in the right direction.
But today as Luka walked into the room, he wasn’t greeted by his wife, instead he found her sleeping, the book she’d been reading still open on the bed. He approached her quietly and smiled. This was the first time she’d been asleep before him, he’d forgotten how beautiful and peaceful she looked when she slept. He quietly undressed and climbed into bed beside her. She stirred and turned in the bed so that they lay facing each other. Her eyelids slowly flickered open and she smiled.
“Hey”
He smiled back and kissed her on the forehead in reply.
“Was I asleep?”
Luka grinned and nodded. “yeah.”
Abby smiled, feeling a sense of achievement at her ability to perform such a simple task as falling asleep in an empty bed. She snuggled closer to Luka, knowing from his grin how proud he was of her.
“tell me about your day”
Every night since the incident Abby had asked for details of his day, not just the stories, but the medical procedures. It wasn’t just interest; it was a need to keep up with her knowledge. Even since confessing that she no longer felt capable of working in a hospital, she’d kept up to date with all the procedures. It was a comfort to feel like she wasn’t far away from her doctoring skills, with each story she felt like she was there in the e.r with Luka.
For Luka as well, telling her about his day made him feel like she was still part of the team at county. He missed her more than he thought possible without her working along beside him. Most couples would feel suffocated by the idea of working with their partner, but the stress of the e.r made having Abby with him a constant blessing. Her absence was missed by everyone, but by him most strongly.
He smiled and pulled her into a hug, her head resting on his chest and he began to talk about the first patient he’d treated, quietly telling her every detail of the illness and treatment. She listened to the soothing murmur of his voice before falling back into a peaceful sleep. The best sleep she’d had since that day.
***
Telephones rang and the sound of typing tapped through the small room. It was quiet compared to the e.r. Abby didn’t realize just how much she loved the drama of working in emergency medicine until she had spent a day behind a desk, answering phones and filling in mind-numbing spreadsheets.
Like she’d told her therapist, this was a crappy job. Not one she planned on making a career out of. But it had at least given some routine back to her life. She was relieved to be back in a working team, even if she made more coffee than she saved lives.
Today was a Tuesday, nothing special, or so she thought. But as her lunch-break approached she heard a sudden crash from the stock cupboard behind her. Looking round in shock she saw the receptionist running from the room in a panic.
“somebody call an ambulance!”
People in the office shifted and stirred in shock, not sure what had happened. Abby rushed towards Nina the receptionist, her doctoring instincts far from forgotten.
“Nina what happened?”
She looked past the hysterical young woman to see Neil, the I.T guy, unconscious on the floor of the stock room. A shelf had fallen and lay crushing his leg. Abby ran towards him and checked for a pulse. Nina leant down beside her, tears streaming down her face.
“he was helping me get something off the top shelf and it all just fell. Is he ok?”
Abby nodded and put a hand on Nina’s shoulder to calm her.
“Nina I need you to calm down and help me get this shelf off his leg ok?”
Nina sniffed and nodded, moving to help Abby with the shelf. Their boss Ted arrived at the door then, having heard the commotion and wanting to know what was disrupting his small team of staff.
“what happened here? Oh my god...”
“It’s ok, he’s hit his head but his pulse is fine. Has somebody called an ambulance?”
Ted nodded “yes, Gary phoned. They should be on their way...is there anything I can do?”
Abby nodded as she examined the deep wound on Neil’s leg. “yeah, give me your tie”
Ted frowned before springing to action and removing his tie. He passed it to Abby and watched as she bound up the wound, her hands covered in blood. Abby looked over at Nina for a second seeing how pale and trembling she was. She looked back at Ted who was staring transfixed at the wound.
“and Ted? You can get Nina a coffee.”
He snapped out of his daydream and nodded, rushing off to fetch some coffee.
Abby tied the tie over the wound and wiped her hands on her shirt. She looked at Nina.
“Nina, you ok?”
Nina nodded, trying to force a smile.
“I need you to hold up his leg, can you do that for me?”
She took hold of Neil’s leg, keeping it elevated, while Abby moved over to check Neil’s pulse again. As she put her fingers on his neck he opened his eyes and groaned in pain.
“argh! What happened?!”
“Neil it’s ok, you’ve hurt your leg but the ambulance is on its way ok buddy?”
She gripped his hand and gave him an encouraging smile. He nodded weakly, letting his head fall back onto the floor.
The paramedics rushed in then, taking over and asking all their questions. Abby stood up to give them room and slowly backed away. She stood back at her desk in the now quiet office and looked down at her bloodied shirt and hands. Wiping her hands on her shirt again, she picked up her coat and pulled it tightly round her before rushing out of the office.
She sat down heavily on the nearest bench she could find and sighed. The cut on Neil’s leg had been deep, she could easily have panicked but she hadn’t. Whether it was just because they weren’t actually in a hospital, or because it was a freak accident she wasn’t sure, but she’d felt like a doctor again.
Abby sat in the crisp cold for an hour, not caring about returning to work. Thoughts buzzed through her head. She was nervous about the hope she felt building inside her, nervous that she’d want to go back to her old job only to realize she just wasn’t good enough any more. Staring out at the park she noticed a woman walking towards her. The woman caught her eye and smiled.
“Dr Lockhart?”
She smiled back, trying to remember who the woman could be. “Hi…?”
“Oh I’m sorry, you must have so many patients you probably won’t remember me”
Abby smiled and gestured for the woman to sit beside her. She’d had patients every now and then approach her in the street and thank her, but it hadn’t happened in so long she’d forgotten how great it felt. “Umm… I could try, what did you have?”
The woman sat on the bench next to Abby “Oh I didn’t have anything it was my son. About three years ago, Timmy Matthews, he had leukemia.” The woman pulled a photograph of a little boy from her handbag and showed it to Abby.
Taking the photo Abby smiled with recognition “oh yeah I remember Timmy, he was a sweet kid, we treated him for an infection mid-chemo right?”
“yeah that’s right. Wow you must be a great doctor to remember us, we moved to New York after that, only visited County a couple of times.”
“how is he?”
The woman’s smile faded and she looked down “Timmy died about six months after you saw him.”
Abby stared at the woman who sat beside her, shocked into silence for a second. “Oh god I’m sorry.”
The woman shook her head and forced a smile, “The cancer was too far advanced and the chemo made him too weak. They had to operate, but I guess there was nothing anyone could do.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too…but hey, he liked you. I remember him saying he thought you were a lovely doctor, much nicer than those guys in beards he had at some of the other hospitals we went to…” the woman laughed at the memory of her son and smiled kindly at Abby. “It means a lot that he could find some enjoyment out of the hospital visits, he was such a positive little boy.”
Abby returned the smile and put a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “How are you doing?”
“It’s hard. Some days it feels too hard…but I’ve got his little sister to look after, she’s such a strong kid, I sometimes feel like she’s the one holding me and my husband up…” the woman laughed softly again and sighed, before shaking off the sadness and glancing at her watch. “Oh but look at the time, I have to meet my sister for lunch. It was lovely meeting you again.”
Abby stood up with the woman, shaking her hand goodbye. “yes, you too. Take care of yourself.”
“oh I will. And thank you again, not a day goes by when I don’t wish they could have saved my Timmy, but not a day goes by when I’m not grateful for doctors like you that made his last few months bearable. I don’t know how you cope with all the things you see, but I’m so glad you do.”
Abby watched as the woman left, a feeling of calm settled over her; she stared ahead with determination in her eyes and nodded to herself. Pulling her coat tighter around her she began to walk quickly out of the park.
***
“No mam, this is not the Pizza Palace, this is a hospital!” Frank slammed the phone down angrily. “How do these people get through to this line?!”
Neela walked past and shook her head in sympathy “I’m sure they just want to hear your dulcet tones Frank”
“hey, less of that British sarcasm missy”
Neela laughed, putting down the chart she’d finished filling in. She looked up then and a smile spread across her face. “Abby”
Abby smiled back as she walked into county and up to the front desk.
“What are you doing here? I thought Luka said you had a new job”
Frank looked up “hey Lockhart, you coming back? We’ve got a group of school-kids with diarrhea that I’m sure you’d love to treat”
Abby smiled sarcastically “I love you too Frank.” She walked over to Neela and gave her a quick hug. “Do you know where Luka is?”
Neela shook her head, “not sure, should I go find him for you?”
“no it’s ok, I’ll wait here...”
“ok, well I’ve got a few things to finish but we should grab a coffee in a bit if you’re not too busy.”
“definitely. I’ll see you soon”
Neela smiled and walked away.
Abby took a deep breath and looked around the e.r. a woman sat in a hospital bed holding a screaming baby. Abby’s eyes settled on them and she walked towards them.
“hi. You being seen?”
The woman nodded. “yeah, she’s got a fever, the doctor just took a blood test”
Abby smiled at the baby and held a finger out for her to grab hold of. “hey, you being a brave girl?”
The baby stared at her, distracted enough to stop crying. Morris walked up to the bad then.
“Abby! You’re back?”
Abby moved back to let Morris examine his patient. “um, no not exactly. You seen Luka?”
“uh, yeah I think he went up to surgery with a trauma...”
“ok. I’ll see you round Morris.”
Morris grinned excitedly before turning back to his young patient.
Abby stared at the elevator for a second, she took a breath and pressed the button. Walking into the elevator she waited as it slowly moved up to surgery. Her heart pounded in the tiny space of the elevator, but she stared at the doors in front of her, forcing herself with every inch of strength in her body to remain calm. The doors opened and she stopped just before walking out into the hallway, and stepped back into the elevator, pressing the button to go up to i.c.u.
The doors opened and she walked into the hallway of i.c.u. holding herself round the waist she walked out into the hallway. After a brief pause she began to walk towards the ward that had now been totally refibished. A nurse approached her as she stood outside the door to the room that Helen had taken her into.
“can I help you?”
Abby forced a smile, “um, no I’m ok...just looking for someone.”
The nurse nodded and returned to work, leaving Abby to slowly walk through the door. She looked around her at the hospital beds filled with patients. The room was completely different to how it had been all those weeks ago. She stood in the middle of the room and sighed heavily. The panic was gone. This was a hospital now, the memories of that day would never leave her, but it wasn’t this place. She felt safe.
She walked out into the hall and began to descend the stairs. Luka appeared then, a look of concern on his face. She smiled at him and closed the gap between them, kissing him passionately on the mouth. A smile spread across his face as she pulled back.
“you ok?”
“yeah... yeah I’m ok.”
Luka laughed lightly and pulled her into a hug. “did something happen at work?”
She nodded, “yeah, actually...it’s been an odd day...”
He pulled back to look her in the eyes. “What’re you doing here?”
She grinned “I want to come back to work.”
He stared at her for a second, shocked by her words before smiling back, stroking the side of her face, “are you sure?”
Abby nodded. “Yeah. Yeah I’m sure. I’ll need to start slowly, and maybe avoid small spaces for a while…but I want to come back. I want to work at county.”
His smile faded and was replaced by a worried glance “you know I want you back here...but I don’t want you making yourself ill...you have to be sure...”
Abby nodded, the look of stubborn determination was back in her eyes. It was a look Luka had missed more than he realized. “I know...and for a long time I wasn’t sure...but I am now. Luka it wasn’t just the PTSD keeping me away from County, I lost confidence in the things we do there, in the power we have to help, but I met this woman at the park today, a woman whose son I’d treated a few years back and she made me remember why we do it. It’s not about saving everyone or fixing everyone, because sometimes you can’t. I became a doctor so I could do my best at saving people, and on the way I’d help people...” Abby paused to regain her composure, the emotion in her words being emphasized by the tears in her eyes. “What I saw that woman do to her baby was awful, and it makes me mad that I couldn’t stop that, but I helped that baby when I could, and that’s worth something. It’s worth something.”
Luka smiled widely, knowing in that moment that the confidence Abby had lost had come back to her. He nodded and kissed her on the forehead. “It’s worth a lot Abby. Welcome back.”
They grinned at each other as Luka took hold of her hand, leading her down the stairs towards the E.r. She wasn’t lost anymore, and it felt amazing. Gripping tighter onto Luka’s hand she let her body rest against his as they walked together back to work.
Back into the long days of drama and sickness, of life and death. Back to the E.r.
Back home.
***
The end
I really don't know what else to say. This update was so genuine and believeable and you could say from the heart. The emotions fit perfectly! 
Great work! 
I really don't know what else to say. This update was so genuine and believeable and you could say from the heart. The emotions fit perfectly! 
Great work! 
- chapter 
