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Post by strizzy on Nov 19, 2006 10:11:54 GMT 10
Great update!
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nandafm
Marquise of Luby
Posts: 264
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Post by nandafm on Nov 19, 2006 16:31:33 GMT 10
Ohhh Abby... Send Carter to Hell and star dating Luka...
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Post by Cornflake Girl on Nov 19, 2006 17:32:52 GMT 10
WOW really interesting story, I like what you have done so far, I can't wait to read more and see where you take us.
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Post by jadestar on Nov 19, 2006 23:46:33 GMT 10
oh *jumps excited* really great, please update asap!!! need to know what comes next
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Post by megan on Nov 20, 2006 3:40:49 GMT 10
im glad abby is not a hooker. lol. but um that is one amazing story you got there. love it
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lubylover319
Lady of Luby
Avatar by Andressa- wonderful work!
Posts: 103
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Post by lubylover319 on Nov 21, 2006 2:21:15 GMT 10
Chapter Three
It was over- finally over. She was done with Carter’s self righteousness, his supposed perfection. Most of all, she was tired of him trying to twist her into what he thought she should be.
It had been the hardest week she’d had to endure for a while. Keeping a secret from Carter hadn’t been as difficult as she thought. He was still holding a grudge from the last fight; so they barely spoke. No, rather it had been the few times she had seen Luka. They ran into each other in the hall, worked a patient or a trauma together. He would meet her eyes for a second and then both would look away. It was almost as though they had never been friends. Never been lovers. Never anything more than awkwardly professional- if there was such a thing. But there was a warmth in his eyes when he looked at her that betrayed his feelings. There was a slight shake in her hands when he was close by.
“You know, he still watches you when you aren’t looking, Abby.” Carter started, as they drove away from the hospital. “I think he’s still in love with you. It’s pathetic, really.” He chuckled.
“Who?” She asked, barely listening.
“Luka.” He said, as though stating the obvious. She feigned indifference.
“So?”
“So? He’s your ex- boyfriend; don’t you think that’s a little weird? It’s been, what, two years?”
“Year and a half, actually.” She said softly. Carter looked over at her, shocked.
“Are you counting now?” She rolled her eyes.
“Just because I actually know how long it’s been doesn’t mean I’m pining away for him.” She ignored the voice in her head that told her she still wanted him, that she still missed him. “You were so wrapped up with Susan Lewis- I’m surprised you even know when we broke up. And Carter?”
“What.” He snapped.
“Green really isn’t your color, Carter.” She smiled sweetly.
She got out of the car and made her way to the stairwell. She heard Carter slam the car door. It was funny how they managed to jump straight from work to arguing. A bit like skipping from one battle to another, really.
“I’m not jealous! What do I have to be jealous about? I have you, Luka doesn’t.” She stared at him, mouth open.
“Tell me you didn’t just say that! I’m not some damn trophy.” He opened the door; she could see his jaw was clenched.
“Of course not, more like a consolation prize.” She slapped him as he came in behind her. “What did you do that for?” Carter yelled at her. She threw her stuff down onto the couch.
“Do you even have to ask? I can’t believe I left him for this. At least he was better in bed.” She relished in dealing that blow to Carter’s oversized ego.
“But he didn’t understand you. For all of his supposed wonderful traits, your brooding Croat can’t even get that right. I wonder if it’s because he’s still mourning his wife. Maybe it’s because all he cares about is screwing women, not actually building a relationship. Hmm?”
“He married her and he loved her- that counts for a hell of a lot more than all of your failed relationships.”
“And I suppose you’re some sort of expert on the matter? You’re divorced, remember? Your mother was divorced, too, wasn’t she?”
“This isn’t about my mother. This is about us, what’s left anyway.”
“Giving up, again, Abby? Running away?” He taunted her.
“I’d have to be a masochist to stay with you. I’m never going to be good enough for you, am I? I’ll always be an alcoholic, a smoker, and a nurse. I’ll always have the bipolar family and the ex- husband. I’m done.” She finished quietly.
“Does it always have to be about you?”
“No. You’re the one who’s always made it about me and my problems. Just leave and for once can you just go without making a fuss.” That shut him up. He picked up his coat and walked out the door. With a sigh, she leaned against the door.
She took her first real breath in three months. That's how long she'd been drinking, how long they'd been fighting, how long Richard had been remarried. He was happy. She was happy for him.
A part of her, however, told her she should be where he is. He had a house, a kid, a wife, and an M.D. She, on the other hand, still had a one- room apartment, a "terminated pregnancy" to her credit, and a friend- turned- boyfriend. To top it all off, she was a nurse; and let’s not forget that she had stopped med school a year from finishing. And so she started drinking? Why? To prove that she could do something right? No. Maybe to be able to say that her life was a complete failure. She wasn't really sure.
It didn't matter now, really. Didn't matter what had brought her to this point. Just mattered that she was here. Standing outside of a liquor store with a bottle of vodka in hand. No she didn't drink to forget. Not at all. She was celebrating. Alone.
Her apartment was empty- as she expected it to be. She didn't miss Carter (actually, it was nice to be free of that particular milestone). Instead she missed someone else. Tall. Dark. And so she drank to him. To her brooding ex- boyfriend. To her faithful protector. To her workplace friend and her passionate one- night stand. To the one person she could say she loved almost as much as alcohol. For Carter she lit a cigarette, f*gs they called them in England. She really needed to quit.
It was later much later. A quarter of the vodka was gone. It wasn't a big bottle, but still- she was pleasantly tipsy. Not a light was on. The moon bathed the place in an ethereal glow. She lit another cigarette, last one for the night. She almost dropped the damn thing when a knock at the door startled her. She opened it. Light from outside spilled into the room and silhouetting the man standing there. It was him.
"Luka."
"Hey.” He explained his presence before she could ask. “My shift just finished. I was thinking about you... so I thought I'd come and see how you are." She nodded, turning a lamp on.
"Come in, please." She sat back down on the couch and he followed. "Would you like something to drink?" She offered, holding up a shot of vodka. He shook his head.
“Trying to quit, actually.” She shrugged.
"Your loss." She winked at him and drank it down. He watched her, his expression turning serious.
"Listen, Abby, I came here to talk about the other night. Now that I’m here, I don’t really think that’s such a good idea.” He brushed her cheek with his knuckles. His voice dropped to a whisper. “I will say this, though, because I still care about you. He told me… about your drinking. I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re a big girl. But this isn’t what you want your life to be, is it? You deserve more, Abby, so much more.”
“Maybe this is my lot in life. I’m not a happy person, Luka. I had a shitty childhood and a life full of regret and failure.” In spite of the alcohol, she felt clear- headed. She saw him, then, finally understood the look in his eyes. Loneliness. Heartbreak. He was her fallen hero. “But I’m tired of things being about me, Luka. I’m not fine, I’ve got issues. We’ve established that. I want to know about you. Are you okay?” He laughed, but it was hollow and mirthless.
“No, I’m not. Not sure I’ve ever been fine since… well, since they died. Definitely not since I lost you. But it’s more than that. More complicated than that.” He stared down at his hands, pain etched on his face. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve lost myself in a world of drinking and women.” He looked up at her with sad, troubled eyes. “I can’t feel anything, Abby.” It was then that she took him into her arms and, like in that hotel room so many months ago, he kissed her.
A/N: Just so I don’t get pelted for the contradiction in these last two chapters. When Luka said “a week without her,” he was referring to not being with her in a romantic sense, or even as just friends. Just thought I’d clear that up.
And please be patient with me for the next chapter. I'm working on it- I had originally decided to leave it here. If you have any ideas to where this should go, let me know. It will be much appreciated. Thanks.
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Post by jadestar on Nov 21, 2006 4:07:00 GMT 10
a very good chapter, beautiful written - her emotional state was perfectly described
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Post by Cornflake Girl on Nov 21, 2006 5:22:04 GMT 10
Excellent chapter, your writing is very good...I am glad you decided to carry this on. I liked the raw emotion in this last chapter, they are both so tourtured finding comfort in each other - beautiful
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Post by josefine on Nov 21, 2006 5:58:20 GMT 10
I must say that I love the ending dialog between Luka and Abby, you nailed it there girl! The feelings, the unsaid emotions between them. Perfect!!!
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Post by *Natalie* on Nov 21, 2006 6:55:17 GMT 10
Brill update! Absoulty perfect natalie x
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Post by Rach :) on Nov 21, 2006 7:03:15 GMT 10
love it
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lubylover319
Lady of Luby
Avatar by Andressa- wonderful work!
Posts: 103
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Post by lubylover319 on Nov 23, 2006 23:46:24 GMT 10
A/N: Can’t remember if Carter was an attending in S9. Was he? If he wasn’t, sorry for the mistake. This chapter is a little slow, not so much a filler as setting the scene.
Chapter Four
He found her in the kitchen. There were a dozen empty alcohol bottles on the counter and it smelled like something was burning.
“Morning.” She jumped a little at the sound of his voice.
“Hey, you’re awake. I was just making breakfast.” She turned around, flinging the spatula and knocking the frying pan onto the floor. “Damn. There goes breakfast.” He laughed and helped her clean up the mess.
“It smelled a little overcooked anyway.” He said, attempting to not hurt her feelings.
“It’s okay, I know it was burnt.” She admitted. “Maybe I should leave the cooking to you.” A mischievous smile lit up her face. He couldn’t help but to kiss her. All she could think about was how wonderful he smelled and how much she had missed kissing him. He pulled back.
“Maybe you should.” He whispered into her ear, making her shiver with the huskiness of his voice. Another quick kiss and he got up, gathering stuff from around the kitchen for another try at breakfast. She watched him, smiling.
They hadn’t slept together last night. Part of it was because she had been drinking. He was a good guy and, underneath all his problems, a much better person than she. The other reason? What they had shared last night was almost too sweet, too profound, to taint with wanton sex. He turned around and, catching her staring at him, grinned.
“Pancakes are up.” They sat down to eat. She could feel him glancing up at her every few seconds. Not quite the way she had been studying at him. Swallowing the last bite, she looked up at him.
“Okay. What is it?” He put an innocent face on.
“What is what?”
“You keep looking at me, like you want to ask me something.” He was picking at what was left of a pancake.
“It’s nothing important. I was just wondering about the bottles.” He finally said, pointing in the direction of the sink. She was a little relieved, thinking he was going to say something serious.
“Oh. I just poured them out.” He is so cute when he’s confused, she thought, smiling. “I’m quitting, I guess.” She was going cold turkey. She didn’t even feel like analyzing why she wanted to quit all of sudden. She had woken up sick with herself. She was tired of being labelled a drunk. She wasn’t quitting because she had a new man in her life, right?
“You’re quitting, just like that. No AA meetings. Nothing?”
“I thought this is what you wanted? You told me last night you were worried about me.” He sighed, running a hand through his dark hair.
“Yes. That is what I said. If you’re sure this is the way you want to do it, then I’m behind you a hundred percent.”
“Thank you.” There was something she couldn’t quit decipher in his eyes. Instead of trying to figure it out, she stood up and walked silently to the bedroom. Thirty minutes later, she left the room dressed for work.
“Heading out?” He asked from behind the sink. He was doing dishes.
“Yeah. I’ve got work this morning.”
“I’ll be in at about nine. Do you want me to just lock the door?” She nodded, shrugging a coat on.
“There’s a spare key on the dresser in my room. Just slip it into my locker when you come on tonight.” She grabbed her purse and opened the door. “See you later.” What an awkward way to leave such an intimate night, she thought as she closed the door.
She walked into the ER, suddenly stopping as she saw Carter. She’d forgotten he was on today. She rushed past the admin desk to the lounge. He entered as she was putting her things away.
“Hey.” She looked at him over her shoulder. He wasn’t really looking at her. He was looking past her, through her.
“Hey.” She closed her locker, turning around and resting her weight against it.
“Listen, I just wanted to apologize for last night. A lot of what I said was harsh and uncalled for.”
“I wasn’t very nice, either.” There was a pause. Neither really knew what to say.
“Do you think we can go back to being friends?” He asked, finally breaking the silence.
“I don’t know, Carter.” She answered truthfully. “We’ve got a lot of history. Maybe too much?” He nodded in understanding.
“We should have left it alone.” Through the vagueness of his words, she understood what he was saying.
“Too late for that now, I suppose.” They fell silent again. She wanted to tell him about Luka, to clear her conscience of that one sin against him, but she couldn’t get the words out. It was over now; maybe she should just leave it at that. Carter opened his mouth to say something.
“Trauma coming in.” Malik yelled before Carter could utter a word. They shared relieved smiles and left to assist.
By the time nine o’clock rolled around, she was exhausted. Another twelve- hour shift done. She was signing out when he walked in. He smiled at her, brushed her hand as he passed by. She listened in, taking longer than needed at the desk, while Carter handed off to Luka. When they were done, he came over.
“I put the key in your locker.” He said, leaning on the desk.
“Thanks. I’ll get it when I leave.” He had that grin on his face, the one she could never resist smiling back to. The earlier awkwardness was banished with a glance. “I’m headed home now. When’s your next day off?”
“Wednesday. You?”
“Thursday.” She replied, with a frown. He shrugged.
“We’ll figure it out. Have a good night.”
“I’ll try.”
Carter stood outside the hospital. “You slept with him, didn’t you?” It wasn’t so much an accusation as a weary statement. She sighed, not in the mood for an argument.
“I was drunk, Carter, so was he. And no, that’s not why I broke up with you.” He looked down at his feet.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” She winced at the hurt she heard in his voice.
“I figured I’d let sleeping dogs lie. We’re not together anymore, does it really matter?”
“No. I guess it doesn’t.” He walked away, shoulders slouched. She refused to think about him on the way home. She wouldn’t let him get to her. So instead she shut the world out, letting her eyes close in sleep.
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Post by lubyfreaky on Nov 24, 2006 0:35:47 GMT 10
Really good written Great Update
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Post by *Natalie* on Nov 24, 2006 6:10:18 GMT 10
Brill update Really loving this natalie x
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Post by luby2534 on Nov 24, 2006 6:50:17 GMT 10
Love your fanfic. Please update really soon !!!
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