Sorry, Sorry. A thousand times again. Here's the next chapter...
*First verse from “This Woman’s Work” by Kate Bush
*Second verse from “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt
Chapter Fourteen: Goodbye My LoverI looked a Maggie in shock.
“Oh dear.” She covered her mouth with her hands.
“Her father?” She nodded.
“Paul came to see me a few weeks ago. He wanted to get in
touch again. I wasn’t sure he would actually come” I was torn between figuring out what just happened and checking on Abby. I decided to let Abby cool off.
“What happened between them? For her to have such a reaction…”
“I’m not exactly sure.” She shook her head, hand on her forehead. “I hoped by giving Paul your address to make things alright between them. Give them a chance to work things out. Maybe it was foolish to think this would make up for everything.” Maggie looked up at me, tears shining in her own eyes. “It’s too late, again, isn’t it?”
A knock on the door reminded us that Paul was still there.
“I’m going to check on Abby, maybe I can talk to her. She has a way of changing her head sometimes.” Maggie was about to say something, but chose instead to take care of Abby’s father.
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Maggie took a deep breath before opening the door to her ex- husband.
“Maggie? What are you doing here?” Paul said, surprised.
“It was Abby’s baby shower today, I came into town for that.”
“Can I see her? I just want to talk to her, maybe catch up on all I’ve missed. I know I haven’t been the best father, but I’ve been trying to get my life together.”
“I’m not the one who needs to here this, Paul. She does.”
“Let me in and I will.” Paul made a move to enter the house. Maggie held him back with a hand to his chest.
“Not right now. She isn’t ready to see you. Abby needs… time, to get used to the idea of you being back in her life. She’s had a rough life, Paul, no thanks to us. She’s finally happy and getting on with her life. She’s in love, having her first baby. Let her settle into this first. Please.” He sighed, stepping back. He smiled, but it was far from happy. The look in Paul’s eyes pulled at Maggie’s heart. He was a broken man.
“I can’t wait that long, Maggie. I don’t have the time.” Paul ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip in a way that reminded Maggie of Abby. She hated playing middle man, but she was tired of pushing things on Abby. Her father had been gone for so long because of her. She hadn’t let him in to their lives. She desperately wanted to make up for that, wanted to reunite father and daughter, but now was not the time. “I’ll leave, but I’ll be back in Chicago next month. Tell her I’m sorry and that I just want to talk.”
“I will.” He bagan to walk off. “Thanks, Paul.” He turned and she gave him a small smile.
“Thank you for giving me another chance.”
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I found Abby sitting in the baby’s room, swinging in the rocking chair.
“Don’t Luka. Just don’t say a damn word.”
“He’s your father, Abby.”
“He was never there. He left us to deal with… her.” She waved her arm in Maggie’s general direction.
“But he’s here now. Doesn’t that count for anything?” Abby completely baffled me sometimes. It struck me how different we were. Family was everything to me- they were people who loved and cared for me. For Abby, family was a disaster, a curse. She was always the strong one, the one who took all the blows and hits and kept going. Her family had held her back for years and messed her up for life. I’d been trying to show her the good side of family- but old demons die hard.
“I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.”
Abby stood up, her anger evident in the way she stood.
“No, it doesn’t. I won’t let him into my life again, he’s done enough already.”
“Give him a chance, Abby.”
“No! Why can’t you understand that I don’t want him in my life? You had the perfect childhood, Luka. Mine was a nightmare and my father is a big part of the reason why. You’re father was always there, mine abandoned me. I won’t- oh.” She let out a breath. I took Abby’s arm as she doubled over, hands on her stomach.
“Abby, what’s going on? Braxton- Hicks?” She shook her head.
“Stronger than that.” She managed. I sat her down, placing my hands on her belly. She was in the middle of a contraction.
“Shit. Is this the first one?” She took my hands, squeezing. All I could think about was stopping them. It was way too early, she was only 28 weeks.
“Yes.” She gasped as the contraction ended.
“Good. We have to get you to County. I’m going to pick you up now, okay?”
“I can walk, Luka.” I helped her up. God, how Abby loved her independence, but not today.
“I know, but I’m going to carry you.”
“Hey! Luka…”
“This is my job.” I swung her into my arms and she wrapped her arms around my neck.
“This can’t be happening.” I kissed her hair.
“We might still be able to stop them. Let’s just get to the ER first.” Abby rested her head on my shoulder and we headed downstairs. Maggie stood up from the couch when she saw us, no Paul in sight. Before she had a chance to say a word, I spoke.
“Abby’s having contractions. We need to get to the hospital. Will you stay here and let Neela know what’s going on if she shows up? I’ll call you as soon as I can to let you know what’s going on.” Maggie shook her head, her brows creased with worry.
“I’d rather come with you than stay here and wait.” I frowned but realized I didn’t really want to argue with her.
“Lock the door.” I was worried and trying not to let her see it. We both knew, as doctors, what this meant. While it was a good sign that the contractions weren’t too close together; if we didn’t stop them soon, we were going to have this baby tonight.
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I’d long since left the baby shower. Abby would forgive me… eventually.
I’d been staring at the phone for a while now, trying to find the courage to pick it up and call Michael. Finally I just snatched the bloody thing and dialed the number before I had much of a chance to think. I reached an Army operator, who then let me leave a message.
“Could you let Captain Michael Gallant know that Neela Rasgotra Gallant called for him. It isn’t urgent, but I do very much need to speak with him.”
“I’ll give him the message, ma’am. Have a nice day.” The operator said.
“You too. Thank you.” I hung up and stared at the cellphone again. Not a minute had gone by when the phone rang, making me jump.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Neela, this is Luka. Abby’s in preterm labor. We’re on our way to the hospital. Can you meet us there?”
“Of course. I’m on my way.” We hung up and it hit me. Abby was in labor two months early. Shit. My pager buzzed as I started out the door. I was going there anyway, so I ignored it. At the hospital, Jerry tried to get my attention as I sped past him.
“They’re in Trauma Two, but uh… there are two men here for you, Neela.”
“I’m only here to see Abby, Jerry. Take a message.” I slammed through the doors to see Sam, Haleh, Luka, and Kerry already at work. Not that Abby
needed three doctors and two nurses, but it was Abby after all.
“Hey. What’s going on?”
“Preterm labor, contractions 12 minutes apart, one centimeter dilated.” Luka rattled off. Abby was hooked up to an IV and a fetal monitor. I assumed a pelvic had just been done from the way Kerry set Abby’s legs down and pulled off her gloves.
“Vitals?” I asked as I took Abby’s hand.
“Blood pressure is a little high at 130/ 80, but other than that everything is normal. Fetal heart rate is fine at 140.” Sam replied.
“They’ve given me IV fluids, antibiotics, and magnesium sulfate. Luka and Kerry are debating about whether or not to give me dexamethasone.”
“That isn’t true. We decided to give it to her if the contractions get any closer together or if she dilates more than 4 centimeters. If she’s going to deliver this baby tonight, and the magnesium sulfate should make sure she doesn’t, we need to develop the baby’s lungs.” Luka said, with a hand on Abby’s knee. Abby just rolled her eyes.
“I know, I know. God, I never realized how annoying it was to have doctors talk about you like you’re not there. I was unconscious the last time.” I smiled. She was in good spirits, things could be much worse. I squeezed her hand.
“We just need to let the drugs work. I’ll be back, I have other patients waiting.” Kerry left. Now that things had settled down, I left to give them time alone. I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I walked down the hall. Two men in uniform stood at the front desk.
“These men are here to see you, Neela. They’re from the Army.” Jerry said, in a quiet voice.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. The first one spoke.
“Is there somewhere we can talk to you in private, ma’am?” I closed my eyes, thinking and praying that they weren’t here for the reason I thought they were. Between Jerry’s quiet voice and the two men’s sympathetic looks, I feared the worst was true.
“Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.”
“Um, yeah.” I turned, tears threatening to spill as I lead the way to an empty exam two.
“Ma’am, the Secretary of the Army wishes to extend his condolences. Captain Gallant was killed in the line of duty; his vehicle was hit by a roadside bomb.” As soon as he started, I felt the tears trickle down my face.
“Was it instant?”
“Yes, ma’am. He didn’t feel any pain. The body has been shipped and should be here in 7-10 days. Do you want us to inform his parents?” I shook my head, wiping at the tears.
“I should call them. Myself. I’ve never planned a funeral, never thought I’d have to- for a while at least.” The tears began again.
The second offered me a tissue. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, ma’am. We have this for you.” He handed me a manila envelope. “This has all the information you’ll need. There’s also something Captain Gallant asked to be given to you in the case something happened to you. If you need anything, call the number in there; the army will be happy to help in anyway we can.” A quick touch to my shoulder and they were gone. I must’ve sat in there for an hour, sobbing quietly. My life is a wreck. It’s been built on complete bullshit for so long and now it’s all falling down around me. What will be left of me?
“Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.”
I’d been sitting in the same spot for a while when Ray walked into the room. I didn’t even notice until he placed a hand on my arm.
“I’m sorry, Neela. I heard about Gallant. Are you okay?” Looking at Ray reminded me of all that had happened in the last couple of weeks. I shrugged him off, wiping at a lone tear. I couldn’t handle him and… this right now. Scenes with Michael played in my head, leaving me even worse off. The flashes of my night with Ray were torture. I’m such a hypocrite.
“Ray.” He touched my hand, tentatively. I snatched it back, my skin burning.
“Don’t shut me out, Neela.” My eyes, still red from crying, met his.
“I’m not shutting you out, I just lost my husband.”
“I just want to help, Neela, to be there for you.”
“No! The only way you’ll be helping me is to leave me alone. I can’t think about you right now. Just go, Ray.” He reached for my face, a finger touching my cheek. I closed my eyes, tears slipping out. “Please.” I whispered, pleading with him to understand. He softly kissed my cheek.
“I love you, Neela.” He whispered back. And then he was gone.