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Post by jadestar on Sept 18, 2006 2:43:40 GMT 10
hey cool that you updated - great to see Abby alright again
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Post by strizzy on Sept 19, 2006 2:58:45 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by bostongirl on Sept 27, 2006 22:57:15 GMT 10
Five years later. I stopped working after I gave birth to my daughter Susen. Luka and I married 2 years ago and we moved to New York. Luka has a great job as chief of staff in New York-Presbyterian Hospital. He loves it their. Although we have a great life here in New York I miss Chicago. Not only Chicago but also Susan, Chuck and their daughter Abigail.
“Mommy when is Aunt Susan coming with Gail?” Susen asked me for the third time this morning. “Soon sweety. Eat breakfast first.” I say to her. Today Susan is coming over with Chuck and Abigail. They are spending Christmas with us and New Year’s Eve. We haven’t seen each other for a while, well the last time we saw each other was at our wedding 2 years ago.
“Come on Susen get in the car.” I say while she’s picking up a leaf from the street. “Mommy why can’t Gail and I play more?” She asks. “Just get in the car will you. We need to go to the airport to pick them up.” I say ignoring her question, she knows why. “Mommy why is dad not at home?” “Susen please! You know daddy has to work today.” “Right mommy. And mommy why is Gail not living a bit closer?” “Susan…it’s early please can we talk about this another time. I know she’s your friend sweety but Aunt Susan and Uncle Chuck have their work in Chicago.” She nods and looks out the window. Thank god, she doesn’t have more questions.
At the airport, we rush our way trough the people. We wait for a while and then I see Abigail running towards us. I search for Susan and Chuck but can’t find them. “Aunty Abby!!” She screams when she is near us. “Hey sweety where are your mom and dad?” I ask her. “Getting our suitcases. Hey Susen, wow your hair is like gold!” She says when she sees Susen. “Gail I’ve got 2 new Barbie’s for my birthday! We can play with them in my room. And I’ve Finding Nemo on DVD!” Susen tells her. “Cool Finding Nemo is the best!” “Come on girls we need to find Susan and Chuck before they go nuts about losing you Abigail.” And I take their hands.
“Suz!” I yell when I see her searching for her daughter. “Abs. O thank god you found Abigail.” She says and we hug and kiss. “Hey Abby.” Its Chuck. I also hug and kiss him.
We arrive at our house and Susan is gazing at it. “Abs..It’s huge! It’s like a castle.” She says with her mouth open. She’s right the house is big. It has 6 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a big kitchen, dining room, a huge living room and a beautiful garden. “I know. It’s a marvellous house to live in. I fell in love with it.” I tell her. “Come on I’ll show you around. The kids can play in the garden or in Susen’s room.” I open the door and with the look on Susan’s face I think she’s almost losing it.
After I show them the house, we grab a coffee and sit in the living on our way to comfortable couch. The kids are watching a movie in the family room. “So how are you two doing?” I ask. “Fine. I still work at county and every one still misses you and Luka. Before I forget, Kerry said hi. The other too by the way. Chuck was the home stayed dad but now Abigail is going to school he picked up working. He’s a ambulance paramedic now. What about you and Luka?” Susan asks. “I still miss Chicago and County everyday. If it was me we moved back today. But Luka loves his job and the hours are nice. He has shifts from 8 till 4 or from 4 till 12, no night shifts. Its so relaxing. Susen is doing well at school has lots of friends but everyday she asks for Abigail. And me, I’m the home stayed mom. Still am. I haven’t really looked for a job. I don’t want to be a doctor any more. All those nasty hours you make. Thinking about a job in a office or something like that.” “And physically?” She’s still the good old Susan. “Off my meds. Not having nightmares or anything like that. Eric is stable, thank god!” And it’s true since Eric is stable my life is normal.
“Mommy dad is coming!” Susen yells from the family room. “Ok kiddo!” I yell back. “A intercom system would be handy for you.” Chuck laughs. “Yeah…well normally she isn’t allowed to yell.” “Luka!” Susan says when he opens the door. “Hey!” And they kiss each other. “Chuck.” They shake hands. “Hey hun. How was your day?” I ask him when he kisses my forehead. “Ok. Had some new residence to work with. What’s for dinner?” He says. “I was thinking about ordering Chinese.” “That’s fine. Where is Susen?” “In the family room watching a movie with Abigail.” “Right I’m in there to see them.” And he walks away.
Later that night Susan and I are in the kitchen and Luka and Chuck are doing something on our laptop. “Abs. I’m pregnant.” She tells me. “Congrats Suz! How long?” “6 Months. I was planning to call you but I wanted to tell you in person.” “I’m happy for you Suz! Do you know the gender?” “Yeah. It will be a boy.” She smiles. “How sweet!” And I hug her. “Don’t you want more kids Abs?” She asks me. “Well I wish I could.” “O shit. Sorry…I totally forgot.” She looks at me with her big blue eyes. “Its Ok Suz. I passed that chapter. And I’m happy for you and Chuck.” And I really am but inside I feel the empty spot.
I always wanted more children then one. But with giving birth to Susen I was bleeding internal and they had to remove my uterus. It was that or my dead. Luka made the decision. I let go a few tears and Susan notice them. “Oh Abby I really am so sorry. Come her.” And again she is there to comfort me. Again its Susan who’s with me. And again I realize how much I miss her.
“Suz, I wrote something for you.” “Tell me Abs.” “Its upstairs. Come on.” We walk the up to my own little room in this big house. It is my hiding place when I need some time alone. It’s the place where I think of life, about my friends, my family and all the other stuff. In that little room I started writing poems. “Sit down Suz.” I tell her. I’m nervous cause it’s the first time someone will hear a poem I wrote. I clear my throat and start.
“You are my beautiful sunshine, When the sky is grey of the rain. You can always make me smile, When my heart is full of pain.
You’ve got a special place in my heart, Because you mean so much to me. If you’ll never break my heart, Is that the place where you’ll forever be.
Every time I think of you, A smile appears that doesn’t want to go away. So I’m happy from morning until evening, Because I think of you the whole day.
Come to me when you’re sad or in trouble, I’m always there for you. I hope you’ll never forget me, For I’ll never forget you!"
Susan has tears in her eyes. "Beautiful. Its beautiful." And she hugs me tight.
Poem written by me.
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Post by strizzy on Sept 27, 2006 23:09:49 GMT 10
Love it!
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Post by jadestar on Sept 29, 2006 1:54:42 GMT 10
Susan has tears in her eyes. Poem written by me.me too!!!!! really beautiful
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Post by Lubyfanatic316 on Sept 29, 2006 4:16:02 GMT 10
Great Update!
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Post by ERFanRach on Sept 29, 2006 5:47:36 GMT 10
Great Update
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Post by bostongirl on Sept 30, 2006 6:55:57 GMT 10
Warning!!!!!!! Can contain hurtfull stuff......
“Mommy I can’t sleep.” Susen is standing next to our bed with her care-bear. “Why not hun?” I ask her. “Gail is snoring. Real loud.” “Want to sleep with me?” “Yes mommy.” And she climbs in our bed and shuffles between Luka and me.
“Abby, It’s 8.30 time to get up.” Luka says when he’s trying to wake me. “I’m coming. I’m coming.” “You said the same thing half an hour ago. Come one.” And he pulls a way the sheets.
“Morning Abs.” Susan says when I walk into the kitchen. “Morning. Sorry for not having breakfast ready.” I apologize. “No worries. Luka made breakfast with Susen and Abigail.” I blink my eyes, the kitchen looks like a robbery took place in it. “I see.” And let go a deep breath. “Mommy, you snore even louder than Gail!” Susen tells me when she enters the kitchen. “I’m sorry hun.” I kiss her hair. Not showered and smelling like pancakes. “No worry mom I’ll sleep with Gail tonight and put Bear against my ear.” She smiles and runs of. “I’m going to hit the shower. I’ll be back soon.” And I turn around and drag myself up the stairs. Way to much drink last night Abs…way to much.
In the bathroom I look in the mirror and goose-bumps are coming up when I see myself. My own little girl saw me like this, like the old one they all knew before. Come on Abby behave tonight, I tell myself.
“Everything ok in there?” It’s Susan her voice. “Yeah I’m fine thanks.” “Are you sure Abs?” “Yes.” But I’m not. I don’t hear her walk away so she still stands at the door. Shit, I can’t go out like this. She will notice the scars in a second. And she’s just not the person who needs to see them. Even Luka hasn’t seen them.
“Abby, you can come out now.” Second time Susan asks me. “Go down Susan I’ll be there in a sec.” “Your not getting rid of me like that Abs. I know something is up. Open the door.” “I’m fine. Believe me Suz. I’m. Just go.” “I’m not leaving.” Great this is a game we played once before.
'That all happened a few years ago when we both didn’t had a husband nor a child. We went out on girls night with Deb. I drank to much and Susan stayed the night with me to look after me. She didn’t know, she couldn’t know. I hadn’t told her. When she woke and noticed I locked myself in the bathroom she bounced it open to find me sitting on the bath room floor with a razor in my hand and blood on my arms. She is the only one that knows what I did to myself to make me feel an other pain than the pain I felt.'
“Abby I give you one minute. If you don’t open the door I’ll get Luka.” That’s it. I unlock the door before I fell down in tears on the floor. “God Abby.” She knows. Again she’s there for me and helps me. She makes an excuse for Luka so I can stay in the bed room for a bit longer. I know I’m hurting her with it and I don’t want to. I really don’t but I just can’t help myself.
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Post by ERFanRach on Sept 30, 2006 7:48:35 GMT 10
Update soon
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Post by jadestar on Oct 1, 2006 5:31:53 GMT 10
OMG this is really interesting - update soon!
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Post by bostongirl on Oct 1, 2006 7:38:46 GMT 10
Susan POV.
I go upstairs she’s been there for half an hour. ”Everything ok in there?” I ask her when I notice the bath room door is still locked. “Yeah I’m fine thanks.” She says. “Are you sure Abs?” “Yes.” I know she’s not. I stay at the door to try to find out what she’s doing.
“Abby, you can come out now.” I ask her again. “Go down Susan I’ll be there in a sec.” “Your not getting rid of me like that Abs. I know something is up. Open the door.” “I’m fine. Believe me Suz. I’m. Just go.” “I’m not leaving.” Cause I know she’s not fine. I feel something is wrong. I just don’t hope it’s that what happened years ago when she was still a nurse and I just came back to Chicago.
‘It was a long shift and Deb asked us to go out and have a few drinks with her. We both said yes. I didn’t know about her history as a addict. She had way too much cocktails and couldn’t go home by herself so I went with her. The next morning she locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn’t open it. I bounced it and broke a rib. I found her sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. A razor in her left hand and her right arm covered with blood. It was right there and then that she touched my heart. From that moment, I knew I had to be her friend to help her get trough this. I helped her to clean the wounds and I put her back in bed and called the hospital to let them know Abby wasn’t able to work the whole week. Every day of that week I visited her, she didn’t talk but she wrote it all down. I wrote her back and made her something eat and comforted her when she cried. That week we became close friends.’
“Abby I give you one minute. If you don’t open the door I’ll get Luka.” I hear stumbling inside and a second later the door is unlocked. I open it and there she is. My dearest friend again sitting on the floor with a razor in her hand and the other covered with blood. I hold her so tight as possible. I cry, she cries and again I feel that thing in my heart knowing she isn’t ok. She isn’t fine. And I wonder what the hell happened to make her do this again.
I hear Luka coming up and go out the bathroom and tell him Abby is sick and that she needs a bed. I’ll take care of her. He goes back to his daughter and I go back to my closest friend I’ve ever had. The most sensitive person I know, the strongest one but right now the weakest and the smallest person on earth.
When I’m sure she’s a sleep I go downstairs to look what the boys are doing with our kids. There is a note on the dinning table to let us know they went out to the zoo and will be back before dinner. I clean the kitchen wondering why Luka didn’t do that himself. He made a mess so he could clean it. When the kitchen is clean I put the kettle on and make a pot of tea for Abby.
She’s awake when I enter the bedroom. “How are you?” I ask her. “I’m so sorry. I really am.” She tells with tears rolling down on her face. I need to know.
The stories you tell Flowing out of your beautiful mouth like the wind Those sweet little words mean nothing at all but your eyes, they don't lie
Why do you feel bad Say something to me 'Cause when I look into your eyes And I cannot find the truth And I cannot see through you
And I really can’t find it. I can’t see through her. And I hate it, I really need to know what is going on in her mind to help her. I’ll be going home in a week and she’s on her own again. Like this I can’t leave her, my heart wouldn’t let me do that. Why don't you tell me what you are thinking of Why don't you tell me How this could get so f**king far.
I pray, I’m desprate. Dear god please help her. Please let her pass this. Let her be stong. Let her feel love again. Let her life. Please dear God listen to me…she needs to get through this, she really needs to.
I cry and I see her looking at me. “It’s ok Abs. I’ll be fine.” She takes my hand. “Susan, take me home.” And those words make me realize what is going on. Finally she opened up to me. Finally I know how to help her. And I'm able to help her.
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Post by jadestar on Oct 1, 2006 8:29:27 GMT 10
OMG that was so touching... *sniff*
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Post by bostongirl on Oct 2, 2006 4:25:33 GMT 10
I said it. I told Susan to take me home. Far away of here. From the outside we may look like the perfect couple, the best lovers and friends. But inside we aren’t. Luka is always working, since we left Chigaco he didn’t said ‘I love you’ like he used to do and he’s always yelling towards me. He’s a great dad to Susen and she haven’t noticed a thing. She doesn’t know how much he’s hurting me, she can’t understand. It’s a day before Christmas and I feel so terrible. Luka didn’t noticed a thing, he never looks at me anymore. He only sees the perfect housewife and mom. I could dye my hair black and he won’t even see it. I went to the mall with Susan to get Christmas presents for the kids. We talked a bit about it and she said I could come home with them and rest for a while. I don’t know what to do or how to tell Luka. Allthough if I left without saying he wouldn’t even noticed untill he ran out of clean boxers and food. “Mommy..I’m hungry.” Susen claims when we arrive home from shopping. The girl is still in her pyjama’s. “Ask your dad.” I say and rush upstairs, away from this nightmare. “Come on Susen. I’ll make you something to eat.” I hear Susan saying. That hurts so much nobody would understand. In the bathroom I find filthy clothes of Luka and Susen. I throw them in the carbin and take a look in the mirror. If he only opened his eyes he would see how much it hurts me. I lost my husband, the man I fell in love with, the father of our child. But he wouldn’t open his eyes, he’s blind for that. “Abby? What are we having for dinner?” It’s Luka. “Can’t you cook tonight? I’m tired.” “Tired? From what? Doing nothing?” He yells. “I cleaned the whole bloody house, made sure there are presents for tomorrow and took care of your paperwork. Nothing?” “You know what I mean. It’s your job. You even had time to get your kid out of her pyjama’s. If I wasn’t at home she even hadn’t a proper breakfast.” “Go Luka. Order pizza or something.” I hear his footsteps go away. I need peace. A solide ground to live. I can’t handle this. Not with my history. Why can’t he understand? Why doesn’t he see. Why doesn’t he ask. And I can't handle it no longer any more And if it wont stop i'm really gonna get crazy I can hear you talking in my head, You make decissions for me but I won't
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Post by ERFanRach on Oct 2, 2006 5:37:48 GMT 10
Update Soon
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Post by jadestar on Oct 2, 2006 11:08:11 GMT 10
oh wow - it's interesting and 'good' to see that our Luby couple has problems like every other couple now and then - I really like that!
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