kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on Apr 16, 2007 4:50:46 GMT 10
Hi everybody! So...this is an "experimental" fic. I don't know if you're going to like it, or where it will head. Everything I know is that it's Luka Angst (very much angst, I should say). I was just wondering about Luka's new and past life, thinking about the war and Vukovar and... this is the result. A note: I don't mean to offend anyone. Any inaccurancies about Vukovar are mine. This is written only for fictional purposes. If you think it's too much please tell me and I'll stop. So, here we go. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOMECOMING 1. Vukovar is passing in front of his sight. Vukovar. Nothing else. Vukovar, into his tired eyes; into his memories, Vukovar. *** “I need to go” She looks at him, confused. “I need to. Can you understand?” No, she can’t. What changed in his soul? What changed a situation which has been perfect till that moment? “But…” A finger on her lips, the exhausted sight of a man alone in front of his destiny. “Please, don’t do it. I need to go” ***Little bumps in the street. His stomach going up and down. It’s not because of the road, not only. It’s Vukovar, and everything it means. His town, their town, the fixed souvenir of the past, the fixed souvenir of the time when they belonged to him, the fixed souvenir of her. Her and forever. Forever, forever it was a promise. He closes his eyes, he doesn’t want to see, but he sees. *** “I love you” Smile, eyes down, embarrassment. “Will you follow me?” “Till the end of the earth” ***And Vukovar was the end of the earth. And her, and them and all the rest. Till the end of the earth, forever. She kept her promise. Another bump in the road, painful memory of all the things happened later. Ramshackle houses, ruined roofs, a dog, seated under a tree, follows tiredly the passing bus. Their eyes meet for a second, and man and dog, for a second only, are on the same wave length. The dog understands him, its eyes know all about it. *** “When are you coming back?” He looks down, searching for an answer in the white and anonymous tiles. But he knows, he can’t give her an answer, the answer doesn’t exist. “You are coming back, aren't you?” He raises his eyes. He holds her. How he’s able to love her so deeply, considering the whole situation, it’s still a mystery. “Luka…”, his name on her lips tastes as tears and pain. He shivers. “I love you” He kisses her, fixing in his mind her lips, her scent, her skin, her. And her eyes, her eyes too, he wants to bring them with him. And he knows, their hurtful and accusing sight will follow him in Vukovar, the end of the earth, but it’s all right. Promises, promises, another one broken. He bends slightly, picks up his luggage, strokes her cheek, turns around and forces himself to step away. ***The sunset. Orange sun, its dying light is hitting directly his green eyes. Deep sigh. And Vukovar, still there. A living town, which is persecuting him. Vukovar. Gone time, decisions taken. *** “Vukovar? But it’s so far away from here” “You always say your mom is driving you crazy…”, smile. Crossing sights, understanding. Till the end of the earth, it was the promise. He takes her hand feeling her fingers interlacing with his own. Her blue eyes are shining, so luminous and living. “When will we leave?” ***And now, now it’s no more a leaving moment, but an arrival moment. Vukovar seems smiling at him, sly. Vukovar is waiting for him. Luka feels sick. He doesn’t know if it’s ready. It will be a war, the last one, and there’ll be one winner only. The doors of the bus are closing behind his back. The sunset is over. By now, he’s facing the night. A war, it has been always that way. A war, and Vukovar.
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Post by loopyallie on Apr 16, 2007 5:14:35 GMT 10
Interesting start Like to see where this leads to... Update soon!
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kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on Apr 19, 2007 3:55:33 GMT 10
Part 2. Please, let me know what you think. 2. The night. Dark, silent and menacing. The night is always the same, it never changes. The night. And Vukovar. He cocks his head slightly, the sight fixed in front of him, trying hard to see, as if he isn’t already seeing enough. Hurting himself. The thing he can do better. *** “Dad…” White ghost on the threshold, barefoot, trembling voice. “It’s dark…I’m afraid…” Broken voice. How is he supposed to resist, how? Understanding eyes, a little smile on his lips. She has already won but she doesn’t know yet. She still doesn’t know she’s going to win always. Always, even when there will be nothing more to win. Always. “Come here, baby” Running feet, sheets in movement, warm. Her soft skin. ***Long sighs. He steps away from the window. Ordinary hotel room, like the millionth ones he has already seen, frequented and lived in. Who knows what all those rooms have to tell. Who knows what that Vukovar room would tell. Their common point: sadness and melancholy. Places built for short stays, places built to forget. Rooms. Hotels. Monotony. The telephone is exactly how he has expected it to be: white, heavy and old. Usual useless thought concerning the high price of an eventual call. His finger follows lightly the receiver. He closes his eyes. *** “Can I call you?” It’s one of the few times she feels the need to ask him the permission to do something. His hearth misses a beat. “I’ll call you”, his voice is trembling, how is he ever able to tell her such things? “Don’t worry about me” She touches his opened luggage, as if she wants to leave to him something belonging to her. She sits on the bed. How is she supposed to stay calm? “Luka…” Lost sight, pale feature, dark circles under his eyes. As if something is devouring him from the inside. Suddenly, Vukovar. Choked sigh. His exhausted hand passing again over his tired eyes. “But what has been?” He escapes her question, as usual. “I need to leave in thirty minutes” “I’ll give you a lift” Silence. A large lump in his throat. ***The sickness raises suddenly. He runs to the bathroom. He lets himself fall in front of the toilet. Retching. He puts his head against the bathtub, staring at the light yellow ceiling. He’s shivering, his body drained. He can’t sleep anymore. What has been? Why? Why now? Vukovar stands still and inscrutable. He blacks out slowly.
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Post by strizzy on Apr 19, 2007 8:31:10 GMT 10
It's different, interesting! Can't wait to see where you're going with it!
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Post by Rach :) on Apr 23, 2007 3:16:54 GMT 10
okay its good but im a little bit eh.. confused
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Post by smile90 on Apr 23, 2007 5:52:18 GMT 10
interesting start... well I'm a little bit confused too but it sounds great! maybe I'll understand later?!
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kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on Apr 26, 2007 4:15:02 GMT 10
Hi! Thanks for your replies. I hope you'll understand something more later (I really hope so...I know my English's not so good and the story is strange...) I hope you'll like it. Parts in italc are flash-backs...but you already know, don't you? --------------------------- 3. Fear. Shivering. Wide open eyes. Sweat. Nightmare. And Vukovar. Into his shaken mind the two things have the same meaning. Nightmare. And Vukovar. Yet there has been a time when he has loved Vukovar. A time when he has stared happily at the slow flowing Danube. That time has existed, he is sure about it. He sits on the bed, his head void. He’s still nauseated. He fears he’ll be forever nauseated. It’s still dark, outside. It seems impossible to him, but the night seems to be never-ending. Maybe it’s a normal condition in Vukovar, never-ending night and nightmares and fear. And memories. Memories, as if all other things aren’t already enough. *** “Luka…”, someone is shaken him awake. “Mmmm…”, he is tired. The lessons, the hospital, he doesn’t want to wake up. He tries to change position. “Luka!”, louder now, with insistence. “Marko’s crying” As soon as she says it, Luka can hear the baby’s cries piercing his mind. He opens his eyes. Pleading sight. No reaction. She is a sphinx: “C’mon, it’s your turn. Go to see why he’s crying, it’s not feeding time” The baby looks at him when he enters his room. He sighs deeply and starts screaming again. Luka picks him up. He checks on his diaper, but it’s still clean. He cuddles him for a while, his little fists against his neck. Few minutes later Marko falls asleep. “What did he have?” “Nothing serious. Maybe it was just a nightmare” ***Maybe it was just a nightmare. Nothing serious when you have someone ready to console you, ready to stroke your hair, ready to hold you. But when you’re totally alone it’s a completely different story. He closes his eyes. He feels unreal. He thinks at Chicago, how can he not? The hate he feels for himself grows. *** “Do you think he’s dreaming?”, her voice is hopeful. Luka looks carefully. He feels his heart beating strong in his chest, he feels alive. He is sure when he answers: “Of course he is. Can’t you see his peaceful expression?” Luka’s head is on top of Abby’s, he can smell her hair, her skin. It’s intoxicating. “You know what? Joe has your expression while he’s sleeping. He’s so beautiful” “It’s not only my own expression…it’s our expressions combined. He’s us, but at the same time he’s a completely different person” She looks at him, confused: “Sometimes you leave me totally clueless” He laughs softly. He’s happy. He’s whole. ***Chicago. Vukovar. He shouldn’t have left, but he couldn’t stay. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. He’s still shivering. He tries to stand but fails. His legs are paralyzed. His muscles don’t move anymore. He’s trapped, he can’t move. He is afraid. He knows he’s going to die, he’s mathematically sure. Maybe Vukovar is the right place. The city is there, in front of his eyes. He knows he’s right. He’s going to die, and it’s going to happen in Vukovar. The circle is going to be closed, and it’s the perfect way to close it. And Vukovar, out there, charming and fascinating town, is calling him. It’s calling him, but it doesn’t answer him.
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Post by Real Dream on Apr 26, 2007 4:17:41 GMT 10
he left them?? Hey...he's not gonna die, isn't he??
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Post by Rach :) on Apr 26, 2007 5:36:08 GMT 10
omg im still a little confused i understand more now tho update!!!
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Post by goldilocks on Apr 28, 2007 5:47:41 GMT 10
wow your fic made me feel something like deep within me, im not sure what though, sorry that sounds sily. its amazing xx
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kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on May 9, 2007 4:33:39 GMT 10
New Update, a very unrealistic one, I know... 4. “There was a man, here, some time ago” Tired eyes, only partially interested in the story the old woman next to him is saying. Park. Bench. A little sun. it’s more than enough to find the courage to start speaking to a foreigner. A simple deed, made only to forget loneliness. Even if it’s only for a little. “During the war, I mean. A man” It’s strange but Luka feels the nervousness growing. He’s giving all his attention to the lady now. “He was a doctor…it’s a beautiful story, you know? Do you want to hear it?” He wants to hear it. It’s nor kindness neither the excessive tiredness preventing him from standing, he really wants to hear it. He needs to hear it. Even if he doesn’t know why. A simple nod. He can’t remember when he spoke last time. “As I was saying he was a doctor, he worked here in our hospital. He was said to be a special person, one of those who passes here very very rarely. His eyes, the things people use to say about them…people who have known him say that in his eyes there was infinity. Sure, I don’t know what this sentence means but…” *** Javor’s not a real friend. But he’s funny and kind. With him, it’s simple to forget the war. Javor, red hair, freckles, grey eyes. And a never-ending fantasy. Javor, storyteller. “And, then, he looked at them, I swear it, he just stared at them with these eyes of his and, I swear guys, they understood everything. They sped up their truck and left immediately. And they were cetniks…cetniks can you understand me? Mean, terrible, cruel, dangerous, armed cetniks and it took only a simple sight, only one sight…but, you know, who can survive Luka’s patented glances?” A burst of laughter, all the way to similar to a machine gun discharge. Embarrassed voice: “As usual, Javor is exaggerating a little bit. I don’t have the power to make people run away, let alone using my sight only” Eyes fixed on him. Then quick glances among them. And at the end, Javor again: “Luka, in your eyes there is infinity” *** The lady is thinking, silently. Her story is over, even if she hasn’t noticed that Luka isn’t listening to her anymore. She sighs; she can imagine that young man. She thinks she’d like to meet him. The strangest thing is that it has been a while since she thought at that story, but that day it has come suddenly to her mind. It’s Vukovar, of course it is. Vukovar which works silently inside of you, Vukovar and all its memories. Vukovar, a single word, which contains a universe. “People still talk about that guy, you know? And we all love him a little. I don’t know if he has really existed, but it’s beautiful knowing that someone could have done the strength at Vukovar…Luka” Luka raises his head and stares at her. “Luka. That was his name”, she gets silent while staring at him. It’s a long moment. No one talks. She instinctively recognizes him. Luka, with his infinite eyes. She can’t be wrong. “Now I know”, her voice is a little hoarse, “I know what drowning into someone else’s eyes means. I know, it’s like going mad but remaining sane at the same time. Your eyes…” Silence. Luka feels unreal. The lady does a little smile, the smile of someone who knows everything: “Welcome back. Welcome back, Luka. Vukovar was waiting for you” Then she stands, and a little clumsy on her legs walks away. And Luka looks at the sky, a single tear on his cheek. --- ...mmm, that bad? And I should thank Daniella who unvoluntary suggested me Luka's friend's name, Javor.
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Post by daniella on May 9, 2007 5:05:17 GMT 10
Ah, you're welcome... Great story... you should wrtie more often... Dani
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Post by Rach :) on May 9, 2007 5:41:42 GMT 10
good update! more soon??
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kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on May 20, 2007 5:16:54 GMT 10
Hi to you all. Thanks for your nice reviews. Hope you like this part. 5. “Hello?...Luka…is that you?” Silence. Her voice. He just wants to hear her talking. The lump in his throat is going up and down. Her voice. “Luka, talk to me, please” He can’t. He isn’t able anymore. He can neither breathe properly. Her voice. Her beautiful voice. “Ok, so…mmmm…I’m good, well…I miss you…and Joe…he’s good too…he’s saying his first words by now…and…I know, I know he could talk also when you left but…mmmm…Luka...” Nothing. He’s paralyzed, eternally split in two different lives. Who is he? Who is he now? And what has he been? Outside the window, Vukovar is still observing him, mute. It’s a trap, Vukovar. Why did it happen to him? Why, Vukovar, why? Living divided is like not existing, is like not being. He’s not, but Abby’s voice pronouncing his name remembers him that he is. It hasn’t any sense, it can’t have it. There’s no solution. “…well, today Joe said, he said tata…” *** “Tata!” “Oh my G*d! Does she said.. she said?”, confused yet hopeful glances. “She said…”, he would have never expected to lose courage in a moment so beautiful. He couldn’t even imagine to need courage in such moment. “Yeah, Luka, you’re Jasna’s first word…are you happy?” “My princess…”, he has never felt that way. His baby girl. Her first word. Her innocent eyes are staring at him. It’s a pact. He’ll be hers forever. Forever. Tata. All the meanings of the world in four simple letters. Jasna and her tata. For all their life. *** “I…Luka, could you tell me something? I know it’s hard…I’ve tried to understand your reasons and maybe I’m succeeding, but I need you to help me…I need you…please” He’s broken, Luka, his heart shattered into countless pieces. He can’t speak and he can’t stop crying. Crying and hurting. Crying and hurting. These are the only things he has been doing since he arrived in Vukovar. These are the only things he can connect to Vukovar. Tears. And pain. And desperation. And death. And how is he supposed to talk to Abby from that atrocious place, considering she has always meant joy and happiness to him? His sobs reach her through the receiver. They are far away, an ocean between them, but they seem so terribly close. Abby has never felt the need to hold tight someone, growing so strong inside of her. “Luka…I’d really wish to be there…Luka, please, say something…” Her pleading. So desperate. So real. He’s hating himself more and more, Luka. He lost the number of people he made suffer. *** “But dad…” “Viktor, please, stop it. It’s better this way, trust me” “Let him leave?” He’s listening to things he’s not supposed to hear but he can’t help it. The brick wall is cold against his back. Air is full of humidity. The sea incessantly noisy. Winter and sea. His sadness. The wind starts to blow. He’s shivering in the sudden cold. He’s happy about it. Leaving… “Can’t you see it? We can’t help him” “He doesn’t want to be helped” “Can you blame him?” Silence. Luka stares at the clouds passing in the sky. Help him. As if it was worth, as if the things could change, as if they could ever come back. He gulps. Where has his life gone? Why him? Why Vukovar? “You’re only able to defend him, your poor baby. The point is that you are not less coward than him” Luka hears distinctively the slap on his brother’s cheek. He’d like to - and he knows he should - feel something, but he’s not more than a void wrapping. He looks at the sea. Those waves are more alive than him. ***He falls to the ground, noticing its hardness only partially. He closes his eyes. He sees their slaughtered bodies. His eyes spring open. Abby’s voice is too far away. He grips more forcefully the receiver, but his fingers are clumsy. Her voice more and more far away. The lump in his throat. Their slaughtered bodies. Terror and desperation. The receiver slips away. Vukovar is laughing at him.
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Post by johna on May 20, 2007 5:49:18 GMT 10
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