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Post by steffi1986 on Jan 8, 2007 4:19:18 GMT 10
this is really great please update soon
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Post by jaana on Jan 8, 2007 22:19:38 GMT 10
Great update! I liked it a lot.
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Post by jadestar on Jan 9, 2007 8:35:58 GMT 10
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kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on Jan 10, 2007 5:10:07 GMT 10
oh, thank you all! you're all so nice! i think i should warn you for the delicate theme of this chapter. hope you like it LUKA “Ma che cosa vuoi che sia per te che non hai pianto sul tuo tempo che verrà”* La cura giusta, Timoria With his body completely shaken by painful sobs Luka was sure he was about to die. Dr Goldstein was sitting next to him and was very worried but Luka didn’t seem to notice. He was so lost in his universe of terror that he wasn’t even aware of his surroundings. Thomas would like to hug him, but he was only his analyst, not his father. He stood silent while Luka’s cries were resounding loudly in the room. He knew he would never be able to forget that heartbreaking sound. After a while Luka raised his head and stared at the older doctor. His beautiful eyes were red and tearful. “Why?”, it wasn’t more than a sad murmur. Thomas stayed still. “Why? Why? I would have stayed with them, my children…and instead I was outside, looking for something to eat…”, the rest he said was nonsense. “Luka, if you had been there that bomb would have hit you too..” “And then?”, he was mad now. “I would have died with them, I was their father. Who gave me the right to be still alive?” “And what would you have done? Probably you would have been hurt…” “I would have taken my wife in my arms and told her I loved her. For the last time. But I wasn’t even able to do it. I left her alone, bleeding till death only few meters away from me” He took again his head in his hands and fixed blankly the floor. “Luka, look at me”, no movements, “Luka, please…” Finally, he looked up. “All right. Now listen carefully, ok?” He nodded slightly. “I don’t have the answers you’re looking for. Why your children? I don’t know. I don’t have any children and I live a happy life without problems. I never saw a war, never lived through it, but I can tell you something if you want to listen. While Danijela was dying you were trying to save your daughter. And this was all that she cared about. Your wife didn’t care about her own life, but she wanted Jasna to live. And the last thing she saw was you breathing for your daughter. Didn’t you say «I love you» to her? Who matters, Luka! You were showing how much you loved her trough Jasna. And it was more then enough. Luka, you have to believe me” Neither of them spoke for a while. Luka was still staring deeply into his doctor’s eyes as if he was testing his sincerity. Thomas felt naked under Luka’s hurt stare; why did a person with such a great soul have to suffer that much?“Why am I hurting so much, then?”, he wasn’t crying anymore and his low voice was filling the room as a sad song. “Luka, you have the right to be alive. For your family which isn’t here and for all the people you save every day. And, I have to admit it, for me too, because you’re forcing me to face something new. It hurts because you think you’re culpable. But it’s not your fault. You have to tell everybody about them. You have to describe how wonderful the three of them were. If you stop surviving and start living they’ll live with you. Don’t get your past ruin what you are” Luka stood up slowly. “I have to go now. Thanks” “You shouldn’t be alone” “Do you think I’m going to do something stupid? Don’t do it. I’m too tired” “Then you should stay here. You rest for a while and then we’ll get something to eat” Luka looked at him dubiously. “I’m not going to psychoanalyze you” “Are you sure?” “I swear it” “All right, then…ah, obviously YOU are the one who is going to be psychoanalyzed”. He smiled lightly, “What are we eating?” *”But I know you can’t understand. You never cry because you still have time to live”
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Post by daniella on Jan 10, 2007 7:11:41 GMT 10
Oh, so sad... poor Luka... Update soon... Dani
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Post by jadestar on Jan 10, 2007 9:28:15 GMT 10
oh really sad part... it makes me feel sad too, you described Luka's feeling very real
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Post by jaana on Jan 11, 2007 0:02:00 GMT 10
Great update! Sad, but I liked it.
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Post by zelda on Jan 11, 2007 7:51:07 GMT 10
Ciao, Kia, I have read lots of fics dealing with Luka's haunting ghosts after the Vukovar tragedy and most were heartbreaking! But here, I discover another kinda style and it still hooks me up more and more! Because the worsd are very simple, there is no pathos at all . I had tears in my eyes when this doc told Luka all these little and obvious things about his culpability and how he tried to do the best. This doc is a quiet guy, he doesn't need words to understand Luka's despair! I found all his words very soothing and so important for a broken, sleepless man like Luka. It's really moving and beautiful! MERCI CLAIRE!
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Post by Real Dream on Jan 11, 2007 8:21:28 GMT 10
To leave an incoherent reply is better than nothing. Your fic is totally different of the others! You explore Luka's pain in a way I've never seen. It's like I want to cry for his loss and smile at Goldstein's moving sympathy. I love the way you divide your chapter's and that we can see Carter's side of the story. The bittersweet emotions between Luka and Abby are...wow, I can't decribe it *karma for your beautiful fic Claire*
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kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on Jan 12, 2007 7:29:45 GMT 10
oh girls...you are so sweet! thank you!! here's next part. it's lighter. thank you again. COUNTY COOK HOSPITAL, CHICAGO “Here I am, I’m on my own again” Blame it on the weatherman, B*Witched The first thing he noticed was “Dr Kovac” written on the board, the second one was that he was surrounded. He heard a growing chorus of “Welcome back” and then he relaxed. Breath, John, they’re not rebels, they’re just your coworkers. He smiled at everybody while Haleh and Lydia hugged and kissed him warmly. Even Kerry seemed touched. It was understandable: Luka’s story had scared everyone and they had been worried for their beloved Carter. But now he was there, all smiley and pretty and they were just relieved. John was happy. His hospital. How much time he had passed there. And how many laughs and jokes with his friends. He noticed some new faces and he knew he had to introduce himself soon but first he wanted to do something else. He left with difficulty his friends’ group and headed towards the lounge. He went in and closed the door. He looked around breathing slowly, searching someone. It seemed that nobody but him was in here and Carter got a little disappointed, but suddenly: “I’m lying here in the dark, waiting for death” A smile appeared on Carter’s face. He turned around and pretending to be serious he said: “And what am I supposed to say? The horror, the horror?” “Sincerely that is my line, too. My last line. But I’m glad you’ve read the book” “Only a few pages” Both men stared at each other intensely for a while. Then John said with a slight trembling voice: “And I’m glad you didn’t have to pronounce it. How are you, Luka?” “I’m alive. And I have to thank you…I can’t really explain how grateful I am” Carter didn’t mind. He could see Luka’s thanks twinkling warmly in his green eyes. Look at his expression…that’s the reason why I’m a doctor. I’m here for these meaningful moments…Luka stood up from the couch: “You look good” “I think I’m the one who's supposed to say that” “You got a tan, your hair is blonder. I should protect all my conquests from you…” “You’re kidding, aren’t you? I don’t have your brooding and mysterious charm. But are you really feeling good?” “Just a little anaemic” “A little touch of vampirism too! I don’t think I can steal your women” “Are you on?” “Yeah. You’ve lost my «Welcome home party»” “No problem. You have to have dinner at my place. I need to talk to you” “Is there something wrong?” “Sometimes is something wrong, sometimes is something good” “Always mysterious, Kovac!” “You know, that’s my character”. He stopped. And then: “She is there” “When will you give me good news? Do you think I should talk to her?” “I’m not the one who can give you this answer!” “You’re right. I’m going to speak with her right now. The sooner the better” ----------- The lines "I'm lying here in the dark, waiting for death" and "The horror, the horror" are from Heart of Darkness by Conrad
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Post by jaana on Jan 12, 2007 17:00:38 GMT 10
Great update!
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Post by Real Dream on Jan 13, 2007 7:18:23 GMT 10
oh wow! waiting impatiently for the next update!
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Post by Noora on Jan 13, 2007 21:55:24 GMT 10
Great ones! You really know how to create realistic atmosphere!
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kia
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 316
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Post by kia on Jan 15, 2007 6:26:53 GMT 10
here's next update. hope you like it. COUNTY COOK HOSPITAL, CHICAGO “Non ho nessun rimpianto, nessun rimorso soltanto certe volte capita che appena prima di dormire mi sembra di sentire il tuo ricordo che mi bussa, ma io non aprirò”* Nessun rimpianto, 883 He found her on the roof, alone with her thoughts. She was turned towards the city and he could saw her hair dancing with the wind. Her hair was shorter and no longer blonde. He stared at her back for a while longer waiting for his old feelings for her came back. Nothing happened inside of him; he was over. He sighed slowly. “Abby?” She didn’t turn: “I’ve heard you were come back” “It was time. How are you?” She remained silent, trying to keep her anger at bay. She turned and looked directly into his eyes. He frowned; he didn’t like what he saw in her cold stare. “Why do you want to know?” “Please, Abby…” “Please, Abby? Caring about me makes you feel better? No, don’t speak, just shut up. Now, you have to listen to me carefully, ok? ‘Cause I’m not going to repeat. You should have come to me and tell me everything; I think it wasn’t so complicated. Come to my house and tell me everything. It would have taken you, I don’t know, two minutes, two seconds…it doesn’t matter. But it would have been simple. I’ll example it for you: «Hi darling, it’s me John. It’s over, we’re over. Oh, I’m going to Congo. See you soon». Seen? Very simple. But no, you used a letter. A letter! I know you had already written it on the plane. It took you three days to find Luka and so it’s clear that you had already taken a decision about us. I don’t know, really. You, no wait, Luka, gave me that awkward letter. I’d have never expected this kind of thing from you, John. I’ve finished. Do you have something to tell me? Apart a pathetical «I’m sorry», obviously” Carter was petrified. He knew she wasn’t a weak woman and he knew she was angry. But he realized she was really really mad. He began: “I…I…” “Oh Carter, I know you can do better” He too got angry: “Sarcasm! Your answer for everything. Ok, I should have told you and not send you a letter, you’re right. But what about you? You were waiting for me to say it! I didn’t want to hurt you more…we had just known that Luka was dead! How could I tell you we were wrong? I didn’t have the heart. By the way, you could say it. I’m sure you had already realized our relationship was so so…terrible…After my grandma’s funeral it got only worse and worse…” She felt as if he slapped her: “You’re right. It’s only that…”, some tears were forming in her eyes, “I truly believed in us. I was so happy sometimes. You made me so happy. I imagined our story would have lasted forever. In my dreams it was all perfect, all shiny. I threw away something important because of you, you know…” You and Luka and your relationship, I know.“I know Abby. I feel the same. You were everything I had and I hurt you. And now, here you have my pathetical I’m sorry. I hope you could understand me” “I understand. I was just angry because you left me outside, outside of us. You didn’t give me the possibility to explain what I was feeling. But I agree with what you wrote in the letter: are we over?”. She was smiling and seems lighter. “Yes we are. Completely. Definitively. Could we still be friends?” She laughed: “We are two despicable specimen, aren’t we? Right, it will cost you, but I’m still your friend” “Thanks. Could I hug you?” “Now you’re exaggerating…” “But you hugged Luka!” “But he was leaving for Congo!” “But I have been in Congo too!” “That’s true. But we were in crisis” “You always have an answer, haven’t you?” “Of course. But that’s why you love me so much” And, together, they left. * “I have no regrets and no remorses. It only happens that your souvenir sometimes knocks at my mind at night but I’m not going to let it go in”
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Post by jaana on Jan 15, 2007 22:53:02 GMT 10
Great update! Very nice.
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