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Post by strizzy on Aug 21, 2006 21:46:18 GMT 10
OMG! What next???
Great updates
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Post by zelda on Aug 21, 2006 22:42:36 GMT 10
Mary Kate, Nooooooooooooooo! They have been happyfor how long??? Two miserable weeks! I hope there is NOT too much angst waiting for us. They have enough screwed up, these two. BTW, you know EXACTLY how to keep your audience breathless!
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Andie
Duchess of Luby
Posts: 325
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Post by Andie on Aug 21, 2006 23:18:44 GMT 10
WOW!!!! More angst? Good, I love all the angst...hehehe... I mean it. I totally love your style and your story... that was a big shocking surprise, and I can't wait to see what is gonna happen next!!!
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rnintraining513
Duchess of Luby
"I don't need a ring or a white dress to tell you how much I love you."
Posts: 322
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Post by rnintraining513 on Aug 22, 2006 6:33:38 GMT 10
[glow=purple,1,300] *Shock horror* Oh my!
You write ridiculasly well, seriously. I'm as addicted to yout fic as an addicted thing can be... Addicted? Yeah... *bounce* I like actually nearly yell 'YAYYYYY!!' really loud when it's updated. [/glow] Haha thanks! I nearly yell "yay" when people like you leave me nice comments. So, thanks again! To be honest..I started writing this fic and then got sidtracked with so many other things that I was having trouble coming up with stuff to throw in there. Usually, I try to stick with the actual events of the show...but this time..I'm putting my own little spin on things. I know the happiness didn't last too long...but I guess I'm trying to be like the writers of the show in never letting Abby be happy for extended periods of time! Haha. No worries...there will be a happy ending...eventually!
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rnintraining513
Duchess of Luby
"I don't need a ring or a white dress to tell you how much I love you."
Posts: 322
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Post by rnintraining513 on Aug 22, 2006 10:54:41 GMT 10
Chapter 50: “The Hardest Part”
When Abby woke up the next morning, her eyes were red and puffy from crying. She threw an empty box of tissues onto the floor carelessly and crawled back under the covers. She turned over and sighed as she looked at the clock. Was it already almost 6? She knew that the alarm clock would be going off in only a few minutes, and she had yet to fall asleep. Today was going to be a very, very long day.
At 5:59, Abby rolled over and clicked the “off” button on the alarm clock. She was already awake anyway, so what was the point of having to hear that obnoxious buzzing for no good reason? She sat up in bed and stretched out her sore arms and legs and contemplated calling out of work. But what would she give as an excuse? No matter what she came up with, everyone would still know the real reason as to why she wasn’t in work. Everyone had heard Luka throw the suture tray and punch the wall and they had seen Abby storm down the hallway and off into the bathroom. The rest, didn’t even matter.
After a deep breath and a long sigh, Abby forced herself to stand up on her own two feet and walk towards the bathroom for a shower. She hoped that a nice, cold shower would make her feel a little better and hide the puffiness of her eyes and cheeks. She had already embarrassed herself enough by breaking down at work, but if everyone knew that she had been up crying all night, well, that would be a whole new can of worms.
Abby left her hair down to help cover her face and eyes a little bit, then she grabbed her bag and quickly headed towards the door. She hesitated a moment before she left, something was on her mind. She turned around and walked back into the bedroom and opened up the top drawer of her dressed. Inside was a folded piece of paper. Abby opened it and read it carefully. It was her application for re-acceptance into medical school. She folded the paper again and stuffed it into her backpack. “Maybe it’s time to make a change and do something for yourself,” she thought to herself as she headed out the door.
Abby made sure to get to work early so that she could avoid seeing the co-workers who had witnessed her breakdown the day before. She quickly made her way to the lounge and peeped through the window before walking in. The coast was clear. Abby sat down in the corner and took out her folded application and a pen from her bag. She held it in her hands for a few moments, deciding exactly what she was going to do. Suddenly, she heard the sound of the door opening and spun her head around quickly only to find Susan walking towards her. “Hey,” Susan said as she held out a fresh cup of coffee for Abby to take. Abby nodded her head thankfully. “Thanks,” she said. Susan nodded back. “I thought you could use it,” she said. Abby shook her head. “I’m really okay,” she lied. “I mean, I’ll get over it.” Susan looked down at Abby and narrowed her eyes. “No you won’t,” Susan said simply and Abby looked up at her with widened eyes. Susan walked over and sat beside Abby on the tiny wooden bench in the corner of the lounge. “Come on Abby,” she started. “It’s me here. It’s okay to feel the way that you do. It’s okay to admit that you are hurting.” Abby looked away and sighed. “That bad, huh?” Susan asked and Abby nodded. “Yeah,” she said with little emotion in her voice. “That bad.” Susan imitated Abby’s sigh and patted Abby on the hand. “I have no idea what I’m going to do or even what I’m going to say to Luka when I see him,” Abby said. “I’m dreading it.” Susan nodded. “Well, you know what?” Susan said. “It’s not going to be easy, it never is, but if you just take it one day at a time, maybe one day you’ll wake up and you’ll realize that it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did the day before and from then on, you’ll get strong and stronger and maybe even one day, you’ll be able to move on and be a better person for it.” Abby nodded. “Maybe,” she said. “One can only hope.”
The day went by pretty smoothly and Abby was able to avoid seeing Luka almost completely. Susan did a good job making sure that they were working on different traumas and in different sections of the ER throughout the course of the day and Abby was extremely grateful. In the beginning, she felt sneaky and awkward for avoiding Luka, but after a while, she was so busy that she didn’t have time to worry about it anymore. In Abby’s mind, that was one of the biggest perks to being a nurse; always keeping busy. It kept her mind off of the rest of the world.
The end of the shift came quickly, but one she was finished with her last patient, Abby suddenly felt a sense of exhaustion come over her. “It’s funny,” she said to Susan as she gathered some extra gauze pads from one of the beds. “I’m so busy throughout the whole shift that I am like on this sort of energy rush, you know? Then when it’s time to clock out, I want nothing more than to collapse on my couch and sleep the day away.” Susan nodded. “I’ve been back in town for like three months and I haven’t even begun to unpack anything except for my toothbrush and work clothes,” she said. Abby let out a quick laugh. “Okay, now I feel a little better,” she said. “So, thanks for that.”
Dr. Greene called Susan to assist him with an incoming trauma and she rolled her eyes. “Are you doing a double?” Abby asked and Susan nodded. “Unfortunately,” she said. “But, it pays the bills, right?” Abby nodded. “And besides,” Susan added. “It’s not like I have anything special waiting for me at home....at least nothing other then about a dozen packed moving boxes.” Abby laughed. “Well, good luck,” she said. “Thanks,” Susan answered. Before Abby turned to walk away, Susan reached out and grabbed her by the arm. “And hey, if you need anything, you know where to find me,” she said. Abby nodded and smiled. “Thanks,” she said and then they turned and walked their separate ways.
Abby’s eyelids felt heavy as she walked down the hallway towards the lounge. She was so focused on thoughts of her comfy bed at home that she forgot to look into the lounge before going in. When she opened the door, she froze when Luka looked up at her. He seemed equally stunned to see her. She noticed that his left arm was in a sling, his hand was partially bandaged and discolored. For a moment, she felt sorry for him. “What should I do?” She thought to herself. Running seemed like the most appealing option, but she stood there frozen. Luka looked at the ground and then ran his hand through his hair. “Hi,” Abby found herself saying suddenly. Luka looked up at her carefully. “Hi,” he answered. Without another word, Abby walked past Luka and towards her locker. She fumbled with her lock but found herself unable to remember the combination she used to open her locker every single day. That was what Luka did to her.
"On A Day Like Today"
On a day like today I looked at you and ISaw something in the way You stared into the sky I saw you were sick And tired of my wrong turns If you only knew the way I feel I'd really love to tell you
But I could never seem to say the things I needed to On a day like today no other words would do
I saw you were sick And tired of my wrong turns If you only knew the way I feel I'd really love to tell you
But I can never find the words to say and I don't know why I can't find the words to say and I don't know why
She felt Luka turn around, his eyes were focused on her. He took a few tiny steps forward and then stuffed his hands into his pockets. He hesitated a moment before he finally spoke. “Look, Abby, can we talk?” He asked. Finally, Abby managed to break the lock on her locker and opened the door loudly, grabbing her bag and throwing it over her shoulder. She shook her head, but still didn’t face Luka. “Look, Luka,” she began and then paused. “You don’t have to explain anything to me,” she said. “We broke up, you went away, you did what you did, that’s fine. We weren’t together anyway, so don’t worry about it.” Abby slammed her locker shut and finally turned to face Luka. He took a few steps closer to her, blocking her exit. “Abby, this was a terrible mistake,” he said. “It was one night, I was heart broken. I missed you.” Abby’s eyes widened. “You missed me?” She asked, bewildered. “You missed me, so you slept with someone else? I’m sorry, but if you missed me that much, why didn’t you just get on a plane and come back here to be with me?” She asked. Luka shook his head and reached out his hand, but Abby pulled back. “Luka, just don’t,” she said. “Please, just let it go. Just let me go.” Luka shook his head. “Damn it, Abby, I don’t want to let you go!” He said. Abby turned her back to him and closed her eyes. “I can’t change what I did. It happened. It was a mistake that I’ll regret forever, but there is a baby involved, a baby that could very well be mine. What am I supposed to do?” Abby shrugged her shoulders. “That’s a question you have to answer for yourself,” she said, trying to edge past him, but he didn’t budge. “I’m going to do the right thing, Abby,” he said. “If that baby is mine, I’m going to be a part of it’s life. A baby shouldn’t suffer because of my mistakes. I need to take responsibility for my actions.” Abby nodded her head. “Okay,” she said.
Luka took another step towards her and finally managed to touch her arm. She didn’t pull away, she couldn’t, so instead she simply turned her head and looked away. “I only slept with Kim once,” Luka said. “I know that nothing I do can ever change that fact.” He paused. Abby opened her mouth and looked up at Luka. He could tell that she was hurt and angry. “And how many other possible fathers are there?” She asked. “Or is she just trying to ruin everyone’s happiness with the slim chance that they might have the father to her bastard baby.” Instantly, Abby regretted her words. “I’m sorry,” she said and Luka shook his head in understanding. “Just Carter and I,” he said. Again, Abby looked away. The words stung her in the chest again, just like they had done the first time Luka had muttered them. “I just have one question,” Abby said suddenly and Luka nodded. “What is it?” He asked. “Abby looked up at him. “Nevermind,” she said suddenly. “I don’t want to know.” Luka nodded once again. “It was a mistake, Abby,” he repeated. “And I truly hope that this baby isn’t mine. It would just be easier for everyone,” he said. Abby’s eyes met his. “And why is that?” She asked. “Well, first of all, a baby deserves a family, a mother and a father who are together and happy, to be raised in one household. And besides, Carter really cares about Kim.” Abby closed her eyes for a second. The mention of Carter’s name and then the name of the woman who he’d run to make her cringe. “So, they’re like...together?” Abby asked. Luka nodded slightly. “I’m sorry that you had to find out this way, Abby. I really am,” he said. Abby shook her head. “No, that’s fine,” she lied. “I’m happy for Carter, and I hope that this baby is his too. He’s always wanted kids.” Luka nodded, but kept his eyes fixed on Abby’s face. He noticed a tear roll down her cheek. Naturally, he reached out to wipe it away, but Abby did so first with the back of her hand.
They were silent for a moment and then Abby spoke again. “When will you find out?” She asked, looking up at him, trying to hold in tears. Luka shrugged slightly. “Kim is expected to stay and work in Africa until just before the baby is due. They don’t have the equipment over there to do the DNA test now, so we’ll have to wait.” Abby nodded. “So, I guess time does tell all,” she said with a teary laugh. Luka leaned back against the locker and sighed. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, but he knew that nothing would make things right again. “I’m so sorry, Abby,” he finally said as she turned towards the door. She turned around and met his eyes for a single second. “Me too,” she said as she bit her lip. “More than you will ever know.” And with that, she was gone.
Without much thought, Abby walked straight towards the elevator and pushed the button for the 7th floor. She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye in the empty elevator. She had no time for tears. She reached into the back pocket of her backpack and pulled out the folded application and looked down at it. “This is what you want,” she thought to herself. “This is what you need.” She thumbed through her bag until she found her checkbook towards the bottom of the bag and she pulled it out. As the elevator door opened, she headed towards a small office down at the end of the hall. She knocked gently on the door three times. A few moments later, a tall man was standing before her. He smiled down at her and opened the door. “Abby,” he said with a smile. “Come on in. Is everything okay.” Abby nodded her head. “I’ve just been doing something thinking,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. Dr. Meadows, the head of the medical program at county narrowed his eyes at her. “It looks like you’ve been doing a little more than thinking,” he said cheerfully. Abby forced a smile and sighed as she sat down in a chair directly across from him. “I’ve decided to re-enlist,” she said simply, then her eyes met the doctor’s. “Wonderful,” he said. “Did you get the financial situation all sorted out?” He asked. Abby rolled her eyes slightly. “That’s a work in progress,” she said. “But I’ve saved enough money for the next few months tuition.” Dr. Meadows nodded. “And your sure this is what you want to do?” He asked. Abby hesitated for a moment and then nodded. “I need to do it,” she said to him. “For me,” she added. He nodded. “Well then, when would you like to start?” He asked. “I can get you back on rotation as soon as you’d like.” Abby looked down at the checkbook in her hand. “How about right now?” She asked. “Now?” Dr. Meadows asked, his eyes widening. Abby laughed. “Well, tomorrow morning?” Dr. Meadows turned and looked at his schedule. “Actually, there is an opening for a medical student in the psych department,” he said. “How does that sound?” Abby smiled. “It sounds like a welcomed change,” she said with a laugh.
Abby felt her heart drop as she filled out the check before her. She prayed that she had enough money in the bank so that the check didn’t bounce. She wasn’t sure if she could face that humiliation again. She forced a smile as she handed the check to Dr. Meadows. She hoped that she was doing the right thing.
As she made her way out of the hospital, Abby felt a bittersweet flood of emotions. She felt whole and empty at the exact same time. Was that even possible she wondered? “Tomorrow is another day,” she thought to herself as a cold wind blew her hair into her face. The night sky was cloudless and dark. She looked up and saw only a single star in the sky. Although she felt sad and hopeless, Abby clung on to some sense of hope. “Please help me let go and move on,” she thought to herself. “I need to move on with my life.” So as she walked down the street, Abby thought about just how different her life would now be. Not only would she be working as a nurse, but also as a medical student. “Keeping busy is good,” she thought to herself. “It won’t give me much time for thinking about this whole mess.”
"Can't Stop Now"
I noticed tonight that the world has been turning While I've been stuck here dithering around Though I know I said I'd wait around till you need me But I have to go, I hate to let you down But I can't stop now I've got troubles of my own Cause I'm short on time I'm lonely And I'm too tired to talk
I noticed tonight that the world has been turning While I've been stuck here withering away Though I know I said I wouldn't leave you behind But I have to go, it breaks my heart to say
That I can't stop now I've got troubles of my own Cause I'm short on time I'm lonely And I'm too tired to talk
To no one back home I've got troubles of my own And I can't slow down For no one in town And I can't stop now
And I can't slow down For no one in town And I can't stop now For no one
The motion keeps my heart running The motion keeps my heart running The motion keeps my heart running The motion keeps my heart running
At that moment, Abby tried to convince herself that by forgetting, she would be able to let go. Although deep inside, she knew that would be the hardest thing she ever had to do. This was the exact reason why she pushed everyone away, so that it didn’t hurt this badly when they broke her heart. Now that she let Luka inside, to that place where not many people had ever been, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever truly let him go.
"The Hardest Part"
And the hardest part Was letting go, not taking part Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing Was waiting for that bell to ring It was the strangest start
I could feel it go down Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth Silver lining the cloud Oh and I I wish that I could work it out
And the hardest part Was letting go, not taking part You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing But I couldn’t think of anything And that was the hardest part
I could feel it go down You left the sweetest taste in my mouth You're a silver lining the clouds Oh and I Oh and I I wonder what it’s all about I wonder what it’s all about
Everything I know is wrong Everything I do, it's just comes undone And everything is torn apart
Oh and it’s the hardest part That’s the hardest part Yeah that’s the hardest part That’s the hardest part
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Post by hollygirl on Aug 22, 2006 11:30:43 GMT 10
great update! please dont let that baby be lukas.....and please dont let this be the end of him and abby..UPDATE SOON!
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rnintraining513
Duchess of Luby
"I don't need a ring or a white dress to tell you how much I love you."
Posts: 322
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Post by rnintraining513 on Aug 22, 2006 13:21:21 GMT 10
Chapter 51: “New Beginnings ”
Abby was waiting to scrub in on a thoracic surgery when Dr. Corday came into the room. “Abby, they need a surgical consult down in the ER,” she said. Abby nodded her head and stood up. “Wait, in the ER?” She asked. Dr. Corday nodded. “Yes, the ER,” she repeated. “Is that a problem?” Abby shook her head. “No, no problem at all,” she said with a smile as she grabbed her stethoscope and headed towards the door.
Abby felt her stomach churn as she got off the elevator on the first floor. The familiar buzz of the ER swept over her and she felt more at home once again. She walked quickly, with her head down, trying not to be noticed. A moment later, she was standing in front of the trauma room door. She saw Dr. Pratt, and Dr. Romano and Susan standing just inside the door and she took a deep breath before going in. “Hi,” she said simply with her hands flailing at her sides. “Hi, nice costume. You’re a day early,” Dr. Romano said sarcastically. “Halloween is tomorrow.” Abby took a few steps forward with her head down. “You need an assessment on a possible bowel obstruction?” She asked. “Pardon me?” Dr. Romano asked, glaring over at her. “I, uh, started my surgical rotation today,” she said as she stepped forward and pushed past both Dr. Romano and Dr. Pratt. They both turned and looked at her. “I’m back in medical school.” “Really?” Susan asked with a smile. Abby nodded and removed the stethoscope from around her neck. “Can you breathe for me, sir?” She asked. Dr. Romano turned and glared at her. “You mean you waited three and a half hours for Abby?” He asked. He back was too him and she let out a self-satisfying smile.
Susan gave Abby an encouraging pat on the back as they left the trauma room. “Why’d you decide to go back?” Susan asked. Abby stuffed her hands into her pocket and smiled. “Well, I didn’t want to quit med school forever,” she said. “And besides, it seemed like the right time to go back.” Susan nodded. “So, where’d you get the money?” She asked. “Begged, borrowed, threatened my ex-husband,” Abby said with a laugh. “As soon as I paid up, they put me right back on rotation.” “And Corday sent you down for a consult,” Susan chimed in. “Well, she was jammed and she figured I could handle a bowel obstruction,” Abby said.
“So, no more nursing?” Susan asked as they continued to walk down the hallway. “No. I’m still going to be taking a few shifts for a while. I need the money,” she answered. Susan smiled. “Wow, you must feel good!” She said. Abby nodded. “I do, and tired!” She added. “I was up til three in the morning studying the branches of the facial nerve. We have a parotid resection later today.” “Oh yeah!” Susan groaned. “Ten zebras bit my cockatoo. It’s a pneumonic. Pneumonics got me through med school. Trust me.” Just then, a nurse approached the two of them. “Are you from the OR?” She asked. Susan shook her head. “No, I’m not,” she said as she put her hand on Abby’s back. “But she is.” Abby smiled at her and the nurse led her to the trauma room.
Luka looked for Abby in the ER for the next few weeks but she was no where. Finally, he approached Susan and asked her if she’d heard anything about where Abby had been. Susan shrugged. “I really haven’t spoken with her. I’ve called her a few times, but she never answers. Dr. Weaver said she changed shifts.” Luka narrowed his eyes. “She changed shifts?” He asked. Susan nodded. “Don’t worry,” she started as she pulled a chart from the cart. “I don’t think it was entirely your fault.” Luka turned his head to the side and looked at her, puzzled. “She went back to medical school.” Luka’s jaw dropped. “Really?” He asked and Susan nodded her head. “Really,” she repeated. “But she told me that she was happy being a nurse,” he said. Susan laughed. “Well, that was before she found out that both of ex-boyfriends fled to another country and slept with the same woman.” Luka rolled his eyes. “Sorry,” Susan said. “I’m a little bitter at men right now, too.” Luka laughed. “I won’t hold it against you,” he said with a smile. Susan’s face grew serious for a moment. “But really, Luka, I think she’s okay,” she said. Luka nodded his head. “Yeah,” he said. “I hope so.” Susan nodded. “You’ll both be fine,” she said. “Now, I have an old man with vomiting and diarrhea waiting for me!” She said. “Good luck!” Luka laughed.
Somehow as he walked room to room, Luka expected to see Abby pop into view, her brown hair and glowing brown eyes looking up at him. In those eyes he saw sadness and pain, but he also saw hope. He had to have hope. Dr. Weaver came towards the desk and Luka perked up. “Kerry, I have a patient in curtain two who’s complaining of abdominal pain. He’s on 200mg of iron and rebound tenderness. I’m thinking it’s a bowel obstruction,” he said. Dr. Weaver nodded and signed the chart that Luka handed her. “Good,” she said as she handed the chart back to him. “Just page surgery for a consult.” Luka nodded. “Okay,” he said as he turned to the phone.
Luka scribbled down some notes on a patients chart as he waited for the surgical consult. It was a particularly slow day at County, and he enjoyed the extra breathing room. Sometimes, things got pretty crazy in the ER. So, days like these were a rare and welcomed change. Luka saw somehow standing next to him from the corner of his eye. He scribbled his signature one last time and looked up. His eyes opened wide as he saw Abby standing before him, stethoscope around her neck, and white doctor’s coat in toe. “Hi,” she said very professionally. Luka couldn’t help smiling at her. “Hi,” he answered, still smiling at him. “So, you’re a surgical consult now?” He asked. Abby nodded. “That coat looks good on you,” he said and she smiled back at him. How could she not? Even though he had broken her heart, he always kept her coming back for me. The ice had officially been broken.
Lights go out and I can't be saved Tides that I tried to swim against Have brought me down upon my knees Oh I beg, I beg and plead Singing
Come out of things unsaid Shoot an apple off my head And a trouble that can't be named A tiger's waiting to be tamed Singing You are You are
Confusion that never stops The closing walls and ticking clocks Gonna come back and take you home I could not stop, that you now know Singing come out upon my seas Curse missed opportunities Am I a part of the cure Or am I part of the disease
Singing you are, you are You are, you are You are, you are You are, you are
And nothing else compares And nothing else compares And nothing else compares And nothing else compares
You are, you are
Home, home where I wanted to go Home, home where I wanted to go
Home, home where I wanted to go (you are) Home, home where I wanted to go (you are)
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~Bel Vezer~
Countess of Luby
Guru of Sluttiness
Posts: 166
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Post by ~Bel Vezer~ on Aug 22, 2006 18:44:55 GMT 10
I'm a little confused. Like Abby said, Luka and she had broken up when he went and slept with Kem, so why is she being like that? And why can't they be together anymore? I don't get it. Just because there is a chance that a woman, a continent away might be pregnant with his future child, they can't be together now? It makes no sense to me.
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Post by strizzy on Aug 22, 2006 20:30:59 GMT 10
I'm a little confused. Like Abby said, Luka and she had broken up when he went and slept with Kem, so why is she being like that? And why can't they be together anymore? I don't get it. Just because there is a chance that a woman, a continent away might be pregnant with his future child, they can't be together now? It makes no sense to me. Yeah I guess that confused me a little too, but life goes on!! Great updates
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Post by zelda on Aug 22, 2006 21:47:04 GMT 10
Hi, Mary Kate, You know how much I love your fics, I never miss an update. But here, there is smething which bugs me. I can't imagine Carter and Luka sleeping with the same woman. I just can't. And even thnough Kem isn't a favorite of mine, she is not a slut. Apart from that, Abby's reaction is great. I admire how she is able to move on with her life. She just shows how strong she is, evn though she always thinks she is weak and damaged.This is very good. I do hope you don't mind my reactions. It 's just that I am really involved in your fic and your characters.
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Post by lubylove on Aug 23, 2006 5:46:37 GMT 10
^ hmmm i dunno about that.. Carter and Luka did sleep with the same woman-Abby lol!! Anyway, i always love your updates, and i cannot wait for the next one!
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Post by *Natalie* on Aug 23, 2006 6:01:00 GMT 10
Great updates!
I agree with the others but still great update!
natalie x
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